2016 Episodes

Pick an Episode and Enjoy

Episode 75: New Years Evil (1980)

2016 has been a real crap year, so of course it needs to end with an equally crappy horror movie about an totally-unmasked killer stalking women to kill as midnight rings in each timezone! That's right, the boys are ringing in the new year with 1980s New Years Eeeeeeeeeeevil. This film is what you'd imagine a quaalude nap at Studio 54 felt like, though there would've probably been a ton more nudity there too, so really, that's a lame example anyway. Nevermind, we have eeeeeeeevil to discuss, so if you're really eeeeeeeeeevil, put on your best Christmas-ribbon dress, slap some rouge across that eeeeeeevil face, and LISTEN. TO. THE REPLAY on the first Horror Movie Night of 2017!

Episode 74: Elves (1989)

It's Christmas Eve and boy do we have a surprise for you... We dug deep in our bag of podcast magic and pulled out a very special episode for you, full of Nazis, Grizzly Adams, and of course incest. That's right, this week's episode is the abysmal Xmassacre ELVES from 1989! Put on your Santa hat and draw some swastikas on your boobs/moobs as the guys wind their way through the celluloid insanity on display here. There are truly no words for this film, but HMN tries real hard to fill in the awkward silence. Happy holidays and watch out for grandpa, it's a very merry Horror Movie Xmas Night!

Episode 73: The Last Slumber Party (1988)

Linda, Tracy, and Chris are a trio of teenage girls who decide to celebrate the last day of high school by having a slumber party at Linda's house. A few guys also show up to further enhance the merry festivities. However, things take a turn for the worse when a homicidal maniac who has just escaped from a mental hospital crashes the bash.

Episode 72: Student Bodies (1981)

Wake up to a dream within a dream about a mouthbreathing, galoshes-wearing, teen-killing weirdo that may just be your body's reaction to a bad chili dog from the cafeteria, cuz the HMN boys are taking on the ORIGINAL meta horror comedy, 1980s Student Bodies. On this day, we are all nonsensical murderers with a cold, poking fun at the first wave of slasher flicks and the dumb character decisions we all love to hate. Grab some paper clips and your second-favorite handicapped janitor for this week's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 71: Prison (1987)

In true Horror Movie Night style, the guys are kicking off the holiday season with a film whose themes include (but are not limited to): prison, death penalty, alcoholism, bigotry, prison rape, trucker hats, and the ever-present electric ghost. That's right, we're talking Renny Harlin's 1988 diamond in the rough PRISON! If you ever wondered what Aragorn was doing before that idiot Frodo came along, or what Deebo was up to on Thursday, this is the movie for you. Burn your bedding but keep the trucker hat, cuz it's getting hot in solitary this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 70: R.O.T.O.R. (1987)

If you thought that ROBOCOP was too believable and MANIAC COP's story was too easy to follow, then boy do the guys have a movie for you! This week, Adam throws the group into robot karate class with 1987's inscrutable cyborg crimefighting cringer R.O.T.O.R. Unsure why all the strongly-worded suggestions against this pick went unheeded, Matt and Scott grasp at their fraying sanity as Adam teaches his mustache jujitsu. It's about as 80s action cinema as you can get, so bring your C4 to the newest episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 69: Deathgasm (2015)

Do you like metal?? This movie may or may not be metal! It's not necessarily good metal, but yeah, the central theme is more or less "metal" - of course we're talking about 2015's NZ shredfest Deathgasm! You can tell the protagonist is totally metal by his Trivium posters... Super duper metal, guys. He realizes the whole town has figured out what a poser he is, so he summons a demon to steal everyone's souls and their ability to tell him he needs to practice more. Let's just say he's no Slumber Party Massacre II Driller Killer, all right? Get your corpse paint and nail gauntlets, we're heading out into the woods to shoot a lofi black metal video, because that's how we roll on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 68: Phantasm 2 (1988)

What better way to ignore the inescapable dread of real life than with a horror movie that makes almost no sense?? This week, Scott picked 1988's Phantasm II (another sequel that's arguably better than its predecessor), and promptly spent 30 minutes trying to explain to Matt and Adam why it's awesome. Spoiler alert, they don't agree. Idiots. So grab your quad-shot sawed off and dwarf actors' union application, it's Horror Movie Night!

 

Episode 67: Terror Toons (2002)

What hell hath HMN wrought? Upon Matt's insistence, a fan submission and our better judgment, the guys suffered through 2002's z-grade abomination Terror Toons. Watching this made one host giddy, while the others cursed the inventors of green screens and their own births. Hold onto your insane fake boobs and your nu metal CD binder, it's another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 66: Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)

It's Halloweentime again at the old HMN place, and the guys have once again agreed to subject themselves to an appropriately questionable kids' movie in honor of the best day of the freakin' year - this time around, it's Ernest Scared Stupid from 1991. It's no Spaced Invaders, but Adam and Scott have reservations, while Matt is, as usual, awashed in a golden shower of nostalgia. Bust out your miak, troll boogers, and weird multi-costume expositional montages, it's the annual Horror Movie Night Halloween episode!

Episode 65: Basket Case (1982)

Brothers can be such a pain... Always needing rides everywhere, always bugging you telepathically while you're on a date, eating 10 gross hamburgers in a sitting, hiding in the toilet; you know, typical brother stuff. The HMN brothers-from-different-mothers try to keep a lid on Frank Henenlotter's 1982 cult classic Basket Case in this week's episode, even though one of their ranks has been chopped in half by a homemade saw device that has the police stumped. If you're rolling around in your brother's girlfriend's guts, you know what time it is - it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 64: The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996)

Well, it must be Adam's week to pick a movie, because nothing else could explain the inextricable and excruciating experience endured by your hosts at the hands of 1996's Island of Dr. Moreau. The excellent documentary Lost Souls makes an appearance wearing the same clothes as Marlin Brando while stealing the show. Come WILSON with the rest of the castaways on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 63: Halloween 4 - Return of Michael Myers (1988)

The leaves are changing, pumpkins are ready for carving, and your hosts are taking over the October picks, starting with 1988's Halloween 4! Leave your love of John Carpenter at the door, as he pretty much had nothing to do with this film. Dust off your clown costumes (hello, relevant!), it's October on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 62: Blood Rage (1987)

Let's face it, watching your mom awkwardly hook up with not-your-new-dad at the drive-in could turn any mild-mannered kid into a psychopath... Poor misunderstood slasher killers. This week's bad decision is 1987's Thanksgiving twin massacre Blood Rage. Adam is so disgusted, he barely shows up, and somehow Matt and Scott trudge through the movie without going on their own killing spree. Nevermind it's nowhere near turkey day, this is how we roll on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 61: The Toxic Avenger (1984)

Life got you down? Can't seem to get ahead at work? Girlfriend not letting you commit vehicular homicide as often as you'd like? Dweeb at the gym getting in the way of your regular regimen of benchpressing, karate and cigarettes? If everything is stressin' you out, man, Uncle Llyodie's got a present for you - the HMN boys are bringing you their sludge-covered two cents on Troma's 1986 B-grade masterpiece The Toxic Avenger! The guys are decked out in their best sissy stuff and are ready for some action in the locker room, join them and get slimed on another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 60: Evil Ed (1997)

We heard you like head explosions - here's a movie with one in the first scene! The guys burn their way through 1995's splatter quasi-commentary Evil Ed, while ruminating about their own dark futures if they continue down their current path. Oh, and Bill Moseley's voice. Grab an umbrella, because loose limbs are falling like manna from heaven this week on Horror Movie Night!

 

Episode 59: Jack Frost 2 - Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)

It's a random, humid evening in September, perfect for watching a Christmas horror film about a killer snowman and the dumbasses he terrorizes on a tropical resort island. We're apparently barbecuing, because Adam is back on the sauce and picking 2000's direct-to-the-$2-Walmart-bin crapshoot Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman, this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 58: Maniac Cop (1988)

The masses have spoken, and we have answered: we bestow upon you a parable of prolonged police persecution in the bustling beaurocracy of the burgeoning Big Apple, also known as 1988's Maniac Cop! Highlights are Bruce Campbell and the lady cop's undercover prostitute hair; definitely not the plot. Cross the thin blue line, thrill me and borrow your cellmate's shank, it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 57: Ghoulies 2 (1988)

Remember the days when you were scared to use the toilet? When you you were certain there was something evil lurking just below the porcelain bowl, waiting....just waiting...to EAT. YOUR. BUTT. Feels like yesterday to the HMN boys (and probably WAS yesterday for at least one of them). Join them this week as they discuss 1988's Ghoulies II! Bring your drunk uncle, your stripper with a heart of gold, and your bigger monster to defeat the smaller monsters, cuz it's another carnival-themed episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 56: Dark Ride (2007)

Are you ready for a group of insufferable teens (?) to get mutilated creatively by a ridiculous plot twist? If not, too bad, because this week, we're talking Killer Karnivals From Outta Jersey, also known as 2006's DARK RIDE! Adam and Scott have so many questions, but Matt and the writers of this film ain't answering. Turn on all the lights, ignore the sticky body fluids that have been spilled all over the floor, and hop on this ride, cuz it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 55: Drag Me to Hell (2009)

We hope you're hungry, because we're serving up a big helping of the grossest stuff you can imagine being spewed into your open mouth with Sam Raimi's delectable 2009 outing, Drag Me To Hell! Does Justin Long redeem himself for his Tusk-y crimes? Find out on this episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 54: The Guardian (1990)

Sometimes there are directors who truly can do no wrong. Their careers are chock full of great films executed flawlessly... The director of The Exorcist is not one of those people, as evidenced by Adam's pick this week: 1990's baby-stealing opus The Guardian! The guys have a lot of criticism for the 90 minutes of film on either side of the biker gang deaths at the spooky tree, as they're all too jaded to be swayed by baby-crazy naked witches. Come bathe in front of your shirtless employer on a new episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 53: Drive Thru (2007)

Have you ever scraped the bottom of the grease barrel at a minimum-wage, burger-flipping, hate-your-life job? Watching this week's film was a lot like that. The guys chew their way through 2007's killer clown flick Drive Thru, leaving them with a gross taste in their mouths and a case of the runs like you wouldn't believe. Bring your awful fashion choices and inappropriate racial slurs, as we troll an ICP wannabe, cuz that's how we roll on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 52: Terror Vision (1986)

Holy tomato, we're heading back to the days of paper classified ads, genuine interest in music videos, and the seductive lure of satellite television! That's right, we're going intergalactic and eating everything with 1986's TerrorVision. The French exchange student from Better Off Dead, the Wolfman from Monster Squad, and Beef from Phantom of the Paradise do their best to avoid becoming space monster poop, and the HMN guys do their best to find something, anything critical to say about this charming 80s time capsule. Now, mother's going to make you take your pill so we can all enjoy Horror Movie Night!

Episode 51: Dolls aka The Doll (1987)

If you've ever dreamed of your terrible father and stepmother being dismembered by an 8-foot-tall, remorseless teddy bear, then this week's pick is for you! Matt picked Dolls (1987) so that he could talk about how great this early draft of How I Met Your Mother is. He also wanted to talk about the trash punk girls with bad teeth. We think. Hold onto your porcelain eyes, it's another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 50: Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Welcome to Episode 50 of Horror Movie Night! We all survived our first year and haven't gone on too many murderous rampages yet, and for our anniversary, we discussed the fantastic camp slasher SLEEPAWAY CAMP from 1983. Matt is overjoyed that he's surrounded by so much young fresh chicken, Scott is hoping to score with counselor Meg on her night off, and Adam is just hanging out in the background pumping iron. Let your hair down and get some head by the lake - it's Horror Movie Night's 50th episode!

 

Episode 49: Primal (2010)

Hey everybody, if you've seen Primal (2010), then you have an idea of what you're in for, because it appears Adam was infected by the killer rabbit from Monty Python this week. Sadly, Matt and Adam had to put him out his misery with a boulder to the face, but this luckily gives them more time to talk about how handsome Matt is. There's erratic behavior, friends turning on friends, and a surprise visit from a gigantic, gross, horny cave slug. It's all here on a new episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 48: Willard (2003)

If you're a regular listener to the show, it's likely you have spent at least one quiet evening at home surrounded by hordes of feral rats. This week is your week, as the guys get torn up by 2003's Willard! Things get Crispin Glover-level weird and everyone thinks of ways to take the air out of their jerk boss's sports car tires- bring some snacks and don't worry about dropping any crumbs (the rat-bros will handle cleanup), it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 47: Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 (1987)

Have you ever been fever-dreamed that one of the most beloved horror films of all time got a sequel that was so head-scratchingly bad, the writer/director even apologized for it? Well, we're here to tell you that was no fever-dream, it was Tobe Hooper's insane 1986 bucket of guts and bullshit, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre II! The guys choke down this long-awaited discussion, and try their best to not think too hard on Leatherface's chainsaw hip thrusts. The saw is family on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 46: Frankenhooker (1990)

WANT A PODCAST? LOOKIN FOR COMPANY? LIKE CAPS LOCK? HOW ABOUT 1990'S FRANKENHOOKER? This week, the guys get elbow deep in giant crack rocks and purple goo, and discuss Matt's romantic evening plans, Adam's scientific proclivities, and Scott's ongoing obsession with head explosions. Got any money? It's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 45: Forbidden Zone (1980)

This week's episode reveals a dark truth of this world, that there are 2 types of people on Earth: those that like 1980's Forbidden Zone, and those that have taste. Matt picked this one, so that basically answers that question (if there was any doubt), and surprisingly, Scott is the most verbally abusive person on the show for once, while Adam is uncharacteristically ambivalent. This is the power of Danny "Satan-guy" Elfman. Bring your blackface and incessant need to hump strangers, it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 44: Munchies (1987)

Hey Millenials! You like Gremlins, right?? Of course you do! Critters? Well, duh! How about the K-Mart spawn of both franchises thrown in a blender with some funky 8-tracks, the Pee-Wee's Playhouse DVD set, and an economy-sized bottle of Viagra? Take a sip of that, it probably tastes like 1987's Munchies! The guys tear this one apart, which inevitably lead to a number of (thankfully) less sexually-charge, more kid-friendly sequels. Hope you're hungry, cuz it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 43: Death Becomes Her (1992) 

So a blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a mansion full of supposedly-dead celebrities... Wait, is that how the joke goes? It's probably funnier when Bruce Willis tells it in 1992's shoulda-been-a-Tales-From-the-Crypt-installment Death Becomes Her. This week is special because everyone pretty much agrees that this movie rules, even Adam - IT'S A MIRACLE! Come on you apes, you wanna live forever?? It's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 42: Hello Mary Lou - Prom Night 2 (1987)

Hop in your fliptop, grab your best girl and pin her up on Lovers' Lane, because this week, the guys are going steady with 1987's Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II! Matt is the square Mary Lou is dating, Adam is the one she's hooking up with backstage at the prom, and Scott is somewhere writing songs about it all. This barely-related sequel to the Jamie Lee Curtis vehicle original has religious parents, teen pregnancy, daddy-daughter tenderness and one of the podcast's favorite topics: ghost sex. Your tux better be pressed and the corsage cooling in the fridge, because it's Horror Movie Prom Night...2!

Episode 41: Stagefright (2014)

Hey theater geeks, do you feel like you've been underrepresented in horror films? Do you demand to be killed off like the jocks that make your life miserable and the beautiful 27-year-old high school girls who won't give you the time of day? Then look no further than this week's pick, the sleek 2014 remake of Stage Fright! The guys are divided, as Matt and Scott were theater kids in their younger days and Adam was probably out smoking behind the school. There are spontaneous dance numbers, brutal murders, and some pretty obvious connections to Todd & the Book of Pure Evil. What more could you ask for? It's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 40: Ticks (1993)

You kids and your suburban problems. You know what you need? A trip to the woods to rough it a little. Nevermind the pervy locals and weed-crazed bugs, you just need a change of scenery. Who's ready to grill? The guys are discussing 1993's gooey giant bloodsucking bug flick Ticks this week, and all of the burning marijuana plants and extreme close-ups of Clint Howard push Matt, Adam and Scott to the brink of sanity. Lose your mind on another installment of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 39: The St. Francisville Experiment (2000)

Do you have a crappy handheld camera and vague reason for believing in ghosts? Of course you do! Bring your lace choker and bad haircuts as we subject ourselves to 2000's The St. Francisville Experiment. Matt and Adam wonder why Scott advocated for this listener pick, and Scott spends most of the episode apologizing for it. We hope you're not scared of farts, because they're in abundance on this week's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 38: The Brain (1987)

All right, ya hosers, it's time to tighten that grip on your hockey sticks and Molsons, because the guys are traversing the wrinkles in the script of 1988's Canadian sci-fi horror romp The Brain! Ironically, Adam hates the fruit of his country's labors (well, maybe not that ironic, he hates everything), but at least Matt and Scott have some glowing praise for this low-budget, alien-filled car chase. The guys suggest crowd-funding the last $5 for The Brain's budget, so bring your loonies to Horror Movie Night!

Episode 37: Blood Diner (1987)

What would you do if a brain in a jar was calling the shots? You'd open a vegetarian cafe that actually serves the ground-up flesh of your victims. This week, the guys wade through various limbs and bodily fluids in search of something worthwhile in 1987's Blood Diner. This Troma reject gets the deluxe treatment, and then the guys go their separate ways to shower in bleach. Don't order the pea soup, it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 36: Evilspeak (1981)

Ever wondered what Mean Girls would be like if it the genders were switched, it took place in 1980 and the Mathletes are swapped for a satanic computer program? Of course you did, and for your mental troubles, we decided to discuss Evilspeak, starring the one and only Clint Howard. Get ready to compare 3 1/2 inch floppies in the shower, it's Horror Movie Night!

 

 

Episode 35: Leprechaun 3 (1995)

The luck of the Irish totally snubbed Adam this week, and instead of watching 1995's evil munchkin-fest Leprechaun 3, he watched the original and then overslept. Matt and Scott snagged his missing shilling, picked up a hitchhiking magician's assistant and hit the jenkiest place on the Strip. Shitty limericks abound and the guys try their best to be witty without Adam's unique perspective on all things potato-and-booze related. In the words of Vince Vaughn - it's Horror Movie Night, baby... Horror Movie Night!

 

Episode 34 : Tourist Trap (1979)

It's time to pack up your bathing suits, beach hats and beer money, cuz we're heading to SPRING BREAK WOOO with this week's pick, 1979's cult classic Tourist Trap! We are joined by Brian Burger (of Jennifer Help Us fame) and everyone but Adam has a blast talking about screaming mannequin heads, murderous mannequin bodies and sexy mannequin singing. Let's hit the ol' swimmin' hole while its geriatric owner pervs on us, it's Horror Movie Night!

 

 

Episode 33 : The People Under the Stairs (1991)

Hey all you PUTSes (that's short for People Under the Stairs...es), no need to fight over the scraps of human flesh thrown to you by your gross incest-y captors, cuz this week we're discussing YOU! The guys get lost and moderately uncomfortable in the walls of the house Wes Craven built in the early 90s after reading the Boyz n the Hood script, but they somehow make it out to tell the tale - though they may never sell Boy Scout Cookies again. Cut out your tongue, cuz there's no talking during Horror Movie Night!

 

 

Episode 32: Pumpkinhead: The Demon of Revenge (1989)

Apparently, the guys didn't get enough backwater horror with their previous discussion of Jug Face, so they decided to rewatch 1988's alien-in-the-woods-no-wait-it's-a-demon-in-the-woods creature feature Pumpkinhead! Adam yells a lot while Matt and Scott commiserate on the first-class cinematography. Grab your dirt bikes, it's time to run some kids over on Horror Movie Night!

 

Episode 31: Valentine (2000)

It's that time of year again - the leaves are changing, the birds are chirping, your nose is bleeding whenever your crush is nearby... Ah, love. What a wondrous thing! It fills your heart with poorly-aimed arrows and your stomach with maggoty chocolates. This week, the guys get all hot and bothered with 2000's, so fire up the hot tub and put on your bikini, cuz it's gonna get sweaty - it's Horror Movie Night!

 

 

Episode 30: Waxwork 2 - Lost in Time (1992)

Velcum back to zee Vaxverk! Get rebirthed and listen to the guys discuss the insanity of Waxwork II: Lost in Time, replete with Bruce Campbell's torso, the entire film's budget blown on the Alien scenes, My Cousin Vinny's Reanimated Hand, and the infamous Waxwork rap. Time Warriors unite, it's Horror Movie Night!

 

 

Episode 29: Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995)

We hope you're hungry, because this week we're chewing scene after scene with Billy Zane in 1995's horror comedy (?) Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight! Adam picked this one on a friend's suggestion, and now has one less friend; Matt and Scott do their best William Sadler impressions, and more disturbing light is shed on Scott's morning habits. Grab your flask of Jesus blood, it's time for another Horror Movie (Demon) Night!

 

Episode 28: House (1986)

We hope your full metal jacket is polished and ready, because this week, we dive into the stupidest-looking jungle behind our dead aunt's pool to discuss 1986's HOUSE! There are used Hellraiser props, flying garden tools, babysitting hijinks and a couple dudes with questionable employment decisions to talk about. Believe it or not, it's another episode of Horror Movie Night!

 

 

Episode 27: Monster High (1989)

The end of the world won't come in the form of Rick Moranis, but actually a guy in a sparkly trenchcoat sporting extreme coke nails and a penchant for underaged girls. Which is funny, because watching 1989's Monster High would make even the biggest horror fanatic wish for planetary destruction, just so they wouldn't have to finish it. Lucky for you, we watched it and are here as a cautionary tale. Bring your rolling papers for the monstrous weed plant and your Apple II to replace your dead pal's head, we're playing the Basketball Game of the Millennium on this week's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 26: Vamp (1986)

Picture this: you and your best bro (and the rich geek you talked into driving) are hanging out in a seedy strip club, trying to pick up a lady of the night to take back to the frat house for a party. Through the sea of writhing bodies, stale booze and impermeable shame, you see Grace Jones do the most inhuman, bloodless interpretive dance on stage. You must have her. Forget the hot girl you kissed in junior high! Grace Jones or GTFO! This is the plot of 1986's horror comedy Vamp, so turn off your brains and let the body fluids flow as the guys discuss vampire mythos, 80s racial stereotypes and poorly-pronounced stripper names - it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 25: The Final Girls (2015)

Are you ready to relive the murders of everything you love? You are? Well then you're ready to give a long, hard listen to our somewhat spoiler-free discussion of 2015's killer camp homage flick "The Final Girls!" What started as a short episode (due to the aforementioned lack of spoilers) took more turns into strange territory than a couple of horny counselors looking to bump uglies. Leave your smartphone at home, so as to not confuse the 80s characters, cuz we're heading to Camp Bloodbath on this episode of Horror Movie Night!ral.