2020 HMN Podcast Episodes
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Episode 281: Ghostbusters II (1989)
It's time to kiss 2020 goodbye like the malevolent spirit of a Eastern European despot stuck in a massive painting. To do so, we enlisted the services of GHOSTBUSTERS ll (1989) since it's technically a New Years Eve movie and we have already discussed NEW YEARS EVIL so we'll take what we can get here on the show.
Episode 280: Krampus (2015)
It's that time of year, fam: the time when we get stuck in a snowstorm with people we can't stand as we're slowly picked off by bad CGI creatures! This Christmas, we're unwrapping the dirty diaper that is KRAMPUS (2015), the movie that reminds us not all wishes should be granted... No, we're not talking about the actual plot of the movie, but rather Michael Dougherty's wish to throw as much digital garbage at the screen in hopes that it makes you forget how insufferable every character is.
Episode 279: Amityville 3-D: The Demon (1983)
In our continuing research into how bad 3-D can get, we tackle another movie no one asked for, in a series no one wanted, starring people who don't want to be on set. THE AMITYVILLE HORROR 3-D, aka AMITYVILLE: THE DEMON (1983) is a seriously bad movie that has little to no redeeming value, but we're gonna talk about it anyway. At least there's 3 seconds of a super sweet rubber suit demon that pops up in the last 5 minutes!
Episode 278: Dead Heat (1988)
This week, we're talking about zombie cops who shoot a lot of guns and get into car chases... But the more surprising part is that this was a Scott pick - the guy known to complain about all of these tropes any chance he can get! DEAD HEAT (1988) is one of those movies that sounds ridiculous on paper and is legitimately ridiculous on film, but somehow manages to be a total blast to watch. Plus it's got Vincent Price! What's not to love?
Episode 277: Intruder (1989)
Somewhere in the late 80s, someone snorted so much blow that they got the insane idea to do a slasher in the most mundane setting they could think of: the grocery store. And it worked perfectly! INTRUDER (1989) is somehow a cult movie that never found its cult following, and it's shame because it's fantastic, well-shot, stylish, and has some incredible gore. Plus both Raimi brothers AND Bruce Campbell! Oh and Emilio Estevez's sister. What more could you ask for??
Episode 276: Jason Goes to Hell (1993)
In typical HMN fashion, we decide to drop a Friday the 13th episode 2 weeks after a Friday the 13th, but it's ok because the franchise has barely made sense since the 4th installment and JASON GOES TO HELL (1993) barely has any Jason in it anyway. It may be Black Friday and you're still stuffed from Thanksgiving, but make some room for Jason's rotted heart special since it's not like you have a choice in the matter.
Episode 275: Motel Hell (1980)
We try to keep it topical here on HMN, so this Thanksgiving we're going to really just beat you over the head with Scott's lifestyle choices as we discuss the phenomenal cult classic MOTEL HELL (1980). We discussed this way back in the first iteration of the podcast, but watching the fresh Blu-ray remaster really elevates everything beyond 80s nostalgia and splatter. As we all know, meat's meat and man's gotta eat, so dig in and happy Thanksgiving!
Episode 274: My Best Friend's A Vampire (1987)
You ever get roped into watching a movie you think you're going to hate by that friend who always makes you watch questionable content? This week's movie is just like that, except the film in question is actually pretty damn good! We're talking 1987's MY BEST FRIEND IS A VAMPIRE, and it took all of 2 minutes of runtime to charm at least one of Matt's cohosts with a wet dream ripped right from his adolescence. This one deserves some more eyes on, so crack open a Bloodweiser and wear your sunglasses at night because it's... well, you know what it is...
Episode 273: Bad Ronald (1974)
Brian must really dislike his cohosts, because he seems to only pick movies that inflict mental anguish on them, and this week is no except - 1974's made-for-TV BAD RONALD. Not quite the typical Hallmark Movie of the Week fodder, it's still painfully tame and slow, and Matt and Scott are wondering if they need to take away Brian's ability to pick movies to discuss, as he obviously cannot be trusted with this kind of power.
Episode 272: Hocus Pocus (1993)
Amok amok amok! It's finally the best day of the year (Halloween, ya goobers) and we're continuing the HMN tradition of discussing a kid-friendly movie for the holiday with the one and only HOCUS POCUS (1993). One of your hosts is a wet blanket, but the fire of enthusiasm burns white hot in the other 2, which is more than enough to keep the Black Flame Candle alight until sunrise. Compliment our yabbos while you're at it, why dontcha?
Episode 271: Halloween H2O (1998)
It's no secret that Halloween is like Christmas for some of your HMN hosts (Matt's Christmas is literal Christmas, the little scamp) and this year, we're going back 2 decades to the millennium with a sequel/reboot that still holds up, 2000's HALLOWEEN H20! Purists may not fawn over this entry in the franchise, but ya bois at Horror Movie Night are big fans, so strap in for some praise for this less-obsessed-over installment that featured the return of Jamie Lee Curtis, as well as topical teen heartthrobs Josh Hartnett, Michelle Williams AND Jodi Lynn O'Keefe. Plus Joseph Gordon Levitt gets an ice skate to the face in the first 5 minutes!
Episode 270: Popcorn (1991)
Campy horror flicks that owe their existence to William Castle are hard to come by, and we've already talked HOHH99, so our fearless leader Matt finally pulled the trigger on one of his favorite forgotten gems, POPCORN (1991)! This one has way too many subplots, but makes up for it with 3 Castle-inspired movies-in-a-movie, and some truly bombastic practical effects. If you haven't seen this one, take the time to find a copy, it's a perfect example of the kind of movie HMN would make if we had any sort of budget...
Episode 269: Night of the Demons 2 (1994)
It may be argued which HMN host loves Halloween the most, but this week, the crown goes to Scott, who picked a movie that actually occurs on Halloween, on top of featuring an insane amount of goop, head trauma, and topless 25 year old high schoolers. You know NIGHT OF THE DEMONS 2 (1994) is a good time (except for one scene) based on that description alone, so head over to Hull House with ya boys this October and let the holiday spirit possess you!
Episode 268: C.H.U.D. (1984)
Holy shit, we're finally talking CHUD (1984) with the Podfather himself, Jonathan London of Geekscape fame! After years of begging, groveling and guilt tripping, Jon has decided to discuss this delightfully silly cult classic. Brian is especially happy about this, because he doesn't have to talk at all when Jon's around. He's about as elusive as the plot of this movie, see if you can follow him!
Episode 267: The Funhouse (1981)
Listener Submitted Month wraps up with one of Matt's favorite movies. We couldn't have a listener submitted month without the unofficial 4th host Kyle Kuchta. Matt saw this at a drive in and thinks that makes him special. We dive into Dean Koontz's novelization, this extremely slow burn film and how amazing the last 15 minutes of this movie is.
Episode 266: Crawlspace (1986)
We're not HVAC guys, but we're pretty sure most apartment buildings don't have air ducts big enough for a full-grown man to skateboard on his stomach through, and yet, here we are, watching THE Klaus Kinski do just that. We're talking CRAWLSPACE (1986) this week, and are joined by Joey Pettine of the fantastic Dark Hills Events; Dark Hills is a horror live action roleplaying company that creates immersive events where you get to try surviving your favorite horror movies! He's also a great guy and friend of the show, and has an odd love for Klaus Kinski, the once-great Nosferatu in Werner Herzog's adaptation... who plays a Nazi scientist who kills his tenants in order to feel alive in this movie. It's a weird one for sure!
Episode 265: My Mom's a Werewolf (1988)
Why, listeners... why do you torment us with these garbage movies? I guess it's partially our fault for choosing this from the submissions, but we're not very good at taking responsibility for our lives and so we're going to heap the blame on you as we talk about the painfully boring MY MOM'S A WEREWOLF (1989), starring a toe-sucking, hairy-backed John Saxon! We're joined this week by 91 Donkey Lane cohost and comedian Robert Bacon, who for some reason decided not to bring an enchanted bauble to alleviate the pain of watching this movie, but at least he's funny (and doesn't look like an incel, we promise). If most werewolf movies are puberty analogies, this must be a menopause analogy, but that part of the script may have been lost.
Episode 264: Rumplestiltskin (1995)
Hey! Do you like the Leprechaun movies? You do? Cool, you still probably won't enjoy this week's pick, 1995's pointless RUMPLESTILTSKIN! But at least we have our good friend Steven Bay of Analog Jones & the Temple of Film fame with us to talk about small killers, obsessions with dead media, and how he's marrying someone who loves GREASE 2. Rev your motorcycle engine, cuz Rumplestiltskin is a coooooooooool rider!
Episode 263: Monster in the Closet (1987)
Another week, another obscure "Troma Presents" movie picked by Matt - this time, it's the inextricable MONSTER IN THE CLOSET (1986)! We couldn't get enough of young Paul Walker during TAMMY & THE T-REX, so we took a deeper dive with this one, in which a rubber suit monster with no backstory falls in love with K-Mart Clark Kent and dies trying to find a closet in which to consummate its desires. Think we're joking? Listen and find out!
Episode 261: Nightmare at Noon (1987)
Talk about false advertisement, this week's movie neither occurs strictly at noon, nor is it a true nightmare (except to 2 of your hosts' frayed nerves/patience), but here we are discussion the most Cannon Films film that was decided not a Cannon film: NIGHTMARE AT NOON (1988). It's got green-blooded crazy rednecks, a ton of explosions, and one of the Replicants from Bladerunner so.... shrug
Episode 260: Body Parts (1991)
Another week, another tale of orphaned limbs and the trouble the little scamps can get themselves into! The Jeff Fahey/Brad Dourif double date known as BODY PARTS (1991) is an oddly-paced and just overall weird movie, so you know it generated some interesting conversation for your hosts. Who cares if it's summer, Jeff Fahey says it's TURTLENECK WEATHER!
Episode 259: Bride of the Re-Animator (1990)
Things we love: Jeffrey Combs, Frankenstein ripoffs, and ridiculous practical effects, so it seemed like it was time to get down on one knee for the over-the-top BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR (1990)! We had previously done a Patreon bonus about this movie, but it's so fun to watch and discuss, we had to revisit it for the main feed. As May's mom said, "if you can't find a friend, make one."
Episode 258: Devil Times Five (1974)
Nobody really thinks creepy kid movies work anymore, right? See that, Brian? Your decision to subject us to DEVIL TIMES FIVE, aka PEOPLE TOYS (1974) was a fool's errand, like trying to seduce a mentally-handicapped giant of a man while wearing sexy negligee… Or so we learned watching this week's movie. It's bad, so we have a couple things to say about it.
Episode 257: Child's Play 3 (1991)
Just when you thought it was safe to recycle the plastic from a supernaturally-possessed doll with a creepy smile, surprise idiot! More Chucky! This week's victim is CHILD'S PLAY 3 (1991) - it's a killer toy movie, so of course Matt picked it. Brad Dourif gives it his all as usual, so we do our best to keep up!
Episode 256: Deep Rising (1998)
We couldn't get enough of the cast of LORD OF ILLUSIONS, so we took a dive into the briny blue in search of slimy horror treasure with 1998's DEEP RISING! Packed to the gills with Famke Jannsen, the guy who played her creepy husband (?) in LOI, K-Mart Jeff Fahey (Treat Williams), Nick Nolte's body double (Anthony Heald), and a ton of awful CGI, you know we're swimming in bad jokes and wordplay. Dip your toe in (that's for the Tarantino's out there, wink), the water's fine!
Episode 255: Planet of the Vampires (1965)
Once again, like the captain of Mario Bava's doomed spaceship, one of the show hosts has led his compatriots astray and he may not live to see another episode... Brian subjected us to the painfully stupid PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES (1965) which really has no vampires to speak of. This is definitely Colin Robinson's favorite movie to show his victims when he brings them back to the crib on Staten Island. Damn you, Brian!!
Episode 254: Jaws 3-D (1983)
Have you ever looked at a shark… in 3-D… on weeeeeed?? Well, today is your lucky day, as the boys are suffering through ANOTHER killer shark movie (thanks Matt), and their pain is your pleasure. JAWS 3-D (1983) is a serious pile of garbage, and we give it the dressing-down it deserves while working on our sexy tanlines. Don't be jealous, just grab the sunscreen and make sure to apply a healthy dose to our toned bodies.
Episode 253: From Dusk Til Dawn (1996)
We know how many of you foot fetishists listen to our show, and we want to support your kinks, so here's a Tarantino movie about hot vampires feeding you toe-quila, you dirty pervs. That's right, Scott of all people picked the one and only FROM DUSK TILL DAWN (1996) for the boys to discuss this week. Someone tweet at Savini and tell him we respect him as an ac-torr. Well, don't actually do that.
Episode 252: Nightbeast (1982)
Somewhere, someone greenlit a movie about an alien that shoots lasers at people at all hours of the day, but for some reason gave it the name NIGHTBEAST (1982). It is neither an actual beast, nor does it only attack at night, plus there's a random subplot of a murderous biker (on top of the scientist cardboard cutouts trying to stop the titular creature). This movie is a mess, so you get one guess as to which of your hosts chose it...
Episode 251: Horror of Party Beach (1964)
Surf's up, it's time to KILL! Oh, and also get down to some sweet tunes on the sand with greasers wearing turtlenecks and leather jackets for some reason. We're talking the notorious HORROR OF PARTY BEACH (1964), replete with a beach band in matching outfits, a sock-free sockhop, mutated sea monsters, and the same boring scientists giving boring exposition to pad the runtime that you know and love from every drive-in movie ever! Get some sunscreen, it's gonna be a hot one.
Episode 250: Freaked (1993)
Matt has waited 5 years to finally discuss one of his all-time favorite movies on HMN, and his cohosts are more than happy to revisit the insane FREAKED (1993)! The Kelly boys grew up on this over-the-top Alex Winter monsterpiece, and Matt insisted Scott watch it almost as soon as the two of them got to know one another. Thanks to everyone who has enjoyed the show over the last 249 episodes, we can't wait to make you laugh, scream and groan for another 250!
Episode 249: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
Any other year, we would be knee deep in corsages, tulle, hairspray and prophylactics right about now (aka prom season), but a pandemic can be a real cockblock. So, to either soothe or further irritate that disappointment, we're talking a great prom-ish flick, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (1993). This movie really needs no introduction, so just listen to the episode and quote along with us!
Episode 248: Strangeland (1998)
1998 was a weird time; so weird that Dee Snider somehow got funding to make a spiritual successor to REEFER MADNESS, but instead of the dangers of weed, have it be about the dangers of body modification. If you weren't aware yet, this film is the inimitable STRANGELAND... Brian's picks are bewildering, and this one is no exception, so strap in for bad tribal tattoos, suspensions, dick mods, nu metal and a hard-boiled cop story. Seriously, these are all things this movie leans heavily into.
Episode 247: Piranha II - The Spawning (1981)
Just when you thought it was safe to have scuba sex in a sunken cargo ship...If last week's discussion didn't get you wet, this week's might - along with chomping on your soft throatie bits because we're talking flying mutant piranhas (seriously) with PIRANHA 2: THE SPAWNING! This film is touted by James "Avatar" Cameron as the best flying killer fish movie of all time, and we're not here to argue that claim. Death to pescatarians!
Episode 246: Blood Hook (1981)
The weather's getting nicer by the day, and that means one thing... it's fishing season in Wisconsin! At least, we guess it is; this really isn't an area of expertise for any of us, but we're banking on this week's movie as a beacon of fact and reality, 1986's ridiculous BLOOD HOOK. How many ways can a killer fisherman murder people with a gigantic floating hook? Not that many, if you can believe it. Whatever, get your life jacket and strap in for the same song to play continuously for 110 minutes of your life!
Episode 245: Werewolves on Wheels (1971)
Brian's love of bad 70s exploitation/horror is well-known on the show, and this week he subjected his unsuspecting cohosts to 1971's WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS! There's a lot of riding motorcycles while intoxicated (tsk tsk) and satanic rituals, but not much actual werewolf action. Join us as we scratch our collective head at this weird movie, which Brian has NO shame about choosing!
Episode 244: Alligator II: The Mutation (1991)
You flushed it, but this shit came back for more... See, we should be the ones writing taglines for mediocre sequels to beloved b-horror movies! It's another Matt pick, so of course he went for a killer animal movie, and since we've already done ALLIGATOR (1980), he chose ALLIGATOR II: THE MUTATATION (1991). This meh retread of the first film lacks the charm of the original, but it gave us a chance to think back fondly on how good its source material was. The movie might not be memorable, but our discussion is, since we have our boy Kyle Kuchta on to keep the cold-blooded comedy flowing!
Episode 243: House on Haunted Hill (1999)
Another week, another Famke Janssen lead role, this time in Dark Castle's remake of the William Castle/Vincent Price classic HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL (1999)! This was discussed way back in the Reddit Horror Club days, so Scott decided it was time to bring in into the HMN library, much to Brian's dismay. Sure, the CGI is bad, Chris Kattan is annoying, and it's not nearly as good of a movie as the original, but it's got Jeffy Combs as a psychotic ghost doctor, Geoffrey Rush channeling Vincent Price through John Waters, and some amazingly surreal visuals. Oh, and Marilyn Manson's cover of Sweet Dreams. It's unacceptable that Brian didn't love this film. Unacceptable!
Episode 242: Lord of Illusions (1995)
Clive Barker, the OG Leather Daddy of horror. The creator of one of the greatest antagonists in modern horror (Pinhead, duh). He also wrote an entire movie about a 9ft tall dick with teeth, so what we're saying is, his cinematic escapades are a bit uneven. In weaker column, we have this week's pick, MASTER OF ILLUSIONS, starring that guy from Quantum Leap and the police chief from Super Troopers. Oh, and Famke Janssen. There's something about a doomsday cult, magicians, and some spectacularly bad CGI. Just don't call them tricks, Dad.
Episode 241: Arachnophobia (1990)
Some people are scared of serial killers, some of ghosts, even others of aliens that steal your head (The Borrower is so underrated). But what about the people who fear a much more common antagonist? What if you have ARACHNOPHOBIA? Well, first you invite Julian Sands over as bait, then you get John Goodman to help clean up the murderous pests while suggesting house repairs. This one made your hosts feel a little itchy, hopefully you feel it too. We just wanted to share in the bother!
Episode 240: Tammy & the T-Rex (1993)
It's the classic story: boy meets girl, boy gets his brain transplanted into a robotic t-rex, boy rips off a lot of heads, girl saves boy's brain from t-rex and then does a sexy dance as credits roll. TAMMY & THE T-REX truly has it all! If there's one thing Scott loves more than anything in horror movies, it's head trauma, so when Vinegar Syndrome announced its gore cut, you know it went right on the list. It's as nuts as it sounds and you NEED to watch it!
Episode 239: Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993)
Brian finally faced his fears and picked a movie he actually likes, even though he's terrified of defending it against Matt and Scott… The hill he chose to die on this week? PUMPKINHEAD ll: BLOOD WINGS, which really wasn't too bad anyway, but if you listen to the show, you understand how Brian's mind works. While the plot is a bit of a departure from the original, they show off the awesome practical effects and Pumpkinhead suit as often as they can, so it was definitely worth the watch (and discussion)!
Episode 238: Psycho Cop Returns (1993)
We had such a good time discussing INVISIBLE MANIAC a few years back, why not dive into another questionable Adam Rifkin movie? We've made worse decisions than watching 1993's PSYCHO COP RETURNS, so To our credit, we didn't even know he left, but he's back to make puns and stare at buns. Oh, and kill as many people as possible for no apparent reason. He's also apparently a Satanist? Who cares, this plot is a mess… Come with us as we clean up the streets on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 237: Cannibal the Musical! (1993)
Wrapping up our Horror Musicals month, we decided to go with the Trey Parker college project CANNIBAL! THE MUSICAL, and it was as big of a mistake as trying to cross Donner Pass in the middle of winter. Brian got hungry and Scott got eaten first because he's the gym rat of the show (which isn't saying much), but at least the meat was organic. The Kelly boys' musical numbers weren't quite shpadoinkal, but when you're starving for a tune, you take what you can get.
Episode 236: Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
You had to have known this was coming: we find ourselves somewhere that's green with the beloved LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS (1986)! The tangents grow like weeds, the accents bloom left and right, and you KNOW we bust out a couple bars ourselves as we gush over this perfect film. On this glorious day, we are ALL Seymour Krelborn.
Episode 235: Tenacious D - The Pick of Destiny (2006)
Week 2 of our Horror Musicals month, and we're shredding the dick and fart joke bomb that is TENACIOUS D: PICK OF DESTINY, picked by none other than Brian! Less horror than last week's SHOCK TREATMENT, and with less entertaining music but more heavy metal stars, we struggle to stay on topic as usual, and argue the merits of acoustic rock (they are few). At least we get Tim Robbins' version of MCU Whiplash here, so that's a plus…
Episode 234: Shock Treatment (1981)
Your HMN hosts love their showtunes, and to prove it, we're spending a whole month talking nothing but horror musicals! The catalog is slim, but we'll make it work, so you won't find yourself bitchin' in the kitchen (or cryin' in the bedroom all night). Kicking it off, we're discussing SHOCK TREATMENT (1981), the sequel, we mean equal, to the much more well-known and beloved ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. Thank god we're men!
Episode 233: Mausoleum (1981)
Can a weird psychiatrist uncle(?) save his ex-Playboy Bunny niece from her demonic destiny, or will she devour her ex-child preacher husband with her hungry monster boobies? Find out this week as we discuss 1981's mob-funded feverdream MAUSOLEUM! It's truly as strange as it sounds, and if you haven't seen it, it is something that must be experienced at least once. Get ready for a lot of glowing green eyes and inexplicable plot points this week on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 232: Gnaw Food of the Gods II (1989)
It looks like Brian's movie pick intervention worked because he chose a real banger this week: the forced-perspective gory goodness of GNAW: FOOD OF THE GODS 2 (1989)! If you've ever wanted to see a young boy swear a bunch in the first 5 minutes of a movie, now's your chance... You also get to see some people bang on a bed of arugula, synchronized swimming, and a naked man-ass chase scene. By golly, GNAW's got everything!
Episode 231: The Fly II (1989)
Another week, another questionable sequel, but at least we get some sick special effects from Chris Walas in the form of his directorial debut, THE FLY 2 (1989)! We are joined by another Chris this week, Chris Fafalios of the band Punchline, and the new podcast ONE HIT THUNDERS. You may remember Chris from our Ice Cream Man episode, so he knew what to expect this time around, and he got it in the form of body horror, mutated golden retrievers, and a nice serving of head trauma. It's no Gremlins, but this one gets way too much hate for what it is, and we're here to tell you all about it on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 230: Return of the Swamp Thing (1989)
What's big and green and will kill you with hand grenades? No guesses? It's Swamp Thing, the hero this wildly-inaccurate comic book adaption/sequel, RETURN OF SWAMP THING (1989)! While we love Jim Wynorski on the show, this one is a hard one to swallow, at least for Scott, who is an absolute Swamp Thing superfan. If you want explosions, we got em. If you want sex jokes, we got em! If you want rubber-suit monsters, well, baby, we got em! Get reborn the bayou this week on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 229: Bloody Murder 2 (2003)
Do you like summer camp slashers? Are you so hard up for your horror fix that you'll watch literally anything even remotely similar to Friday the 13th? Well, then you're in luck because we got you covered with this week's absolute snoozer of a flick, BLOODY MURDER 2: CLOSING CAMP (2003)! While it may say it was filmed in '03, the clothes and hair of the "actors" involved screams 1999, so if you were in high school at that time, get a couch cushion ready to cover your awkward nostalgia boner. This one was another pick weaponized by Brian and required us to do a movie pick intervention afterward. Suffer with us once again on Horror Movie Night!