2022 HMN Podcast Episodes
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Episode 384: Terror Train (1980)
Happy New Year from a bunch of guys who aren't big fans of magic OR railroad parties, but here we are discussing one of the few remaining NYE horror movies we haven't done yet: TERROR TRAIN (1980) aka Prom Night with trains - and David Copperfield! Not the winning combination you'd expect, but at least we get Jamie Lee Curtis in a CLUE spinoff. Shovel that Xmas coal you got into the engine, we're going full speed into 2023!
Episode 383: Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
It's almost Christmas Eve - the scariest damn night of the year! Well, at least that's what our supposedly comatose grandpa told us in our childhood that started the chain of events leading our adult trauma. But what are the holidays if not for the old wounds they rip open like wrapping paper? After all these years and 3 of the sequels, we're finally discussing the Yuletide classic SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT (1984) and are sad to inform you that you're all naughty... The only thing left is to PUNISH!
Episode 381: Trancers (1984)
Bet you thought we were running low on Christmas movies to discuss. WRONG. There's a little film you may have forgotten about that has a mind-controlled Santa fight, Christmas in Los Angeles AND the worst punk cover of Jingle Bells you'll ever hear, and that film is TRANCERS (1984). Helmed by none other than our boy Chucky Band, this holiday fruitcake of a movie has some sweetness, more filler than anyone should consume, and a lot of nuts, so of course it hits the spot for your hosts at Horror Movie Night. Get in the holiday spirit or we'll jump back in time and kill your ancestors!
Episode 380: Blood Beat (1983)
Episode 379: Eaten Alive (1976)
Listen, it's Thanksgiving and also Matt's pick... It was time he finally sicced his pet croc on us courtesy of Tobe Hooper's EATEN ALIVE (1976). This fever dream of a giant killer animal movie is admittedly not very good but at least we got to watch the beautifully remastered Severin cut instead of a grainy VHS rip. Not to say we don't enjoy a good VHS rip now and again, but for something like this, we want to really be able to see what an animatronic lizard eating the Phantom of the Paradise really looks like.
Episode 378: Wrong Turn (2003)
It's Scott's November pick so you probably guessed we're talking cannihillbillies, this time taking a WRONG TURN (2003) with Eliza Dushku, other Eliza Dushku (Emmanuelle Chriqui) and White Guy Mannequin (Desmond Harrington)! Not that our expectations for the franchise were high after our disastrous watch of Wrong Turn 6 years ago, but even the first entry in the series has us scratching our heads wondering why this spawned as many sequels as it has. Time to hit the trails and find out on this week's episode!
Episode 377: Curtains (1983)
Sometimes you look at a horror poster and wonder to yourself, "Do the CURTAINS (1983) match the drapes?" We're here to tell you that sadly, no, the promises made by the poster are left unfulfilled by the end of your watch. The same can't be said for the creepy casting-couch director character played by John Vernon, but sometimes you gotta just accept disappointment on the road to podcast stardom... Are we there yet??
Episode 376: Lair of the White Worm (1988)
If you're thinking LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM (1988) sounds like a euphemism for a certain piece of naughty anatomy, first off all you're a sicko and second yeah it totally is and this movie is serious camp and a total blast! Between the insane outfits, British comedy (and blasphemy!) and bursts of psychedelia, this is the epitome of a movie-watching "experience." Kudos to Matt for picking this one; you know how much he loves giant animal movies...
Episode 375: Paranorman (2012)
Happy almost-Halloween, friends! As is customary at Horror Movie Night, we are celebrating the best day of the year with a family-friendly film but also celebrating the 10-year anniversary of the delightful and ghoulish PARANORMAN (2012). From the fantastic cast to the incredible story and visuals, there's really nothing to not like about this one, unless you hate fun. We stand firm in our pledge to accept you here at HMN, even if you see ghosts - probably moreso if you do.
Episode 374: Urban Legend (1998)
We had some much fun hanging out in the super-saturated cinema of the millennium that we decided to stick around for another week and talk about our brother's girlfriend's cousin's uncle's story of how one time he heard about someone at his high school who brought a hairless dog home that turned out to be a massive rat! Now we know what you're going to say - that's just an URBAN LEGEND (1998). Well, maybe, but can you prove it? Let's see what Snopes has to say about this...
Episode 373: Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
Take a trip back in time to the days of Wicca, goth clubwear in regular clothing rotation, handheld digital camcorders and spiky bedhead hair matched with terrible chin patches. We're stumbling around the woods looking for the BOOK OF SHADOWS: BLAIR WITCH 2 (2000)! This film seems to have the unnerving ability to make its viewers enjoy it more with each consecutive watch, so beware - you may end up listening to a lot of nu metal and asking Nature if you can pick up a leaf.
Episode 371: The Mutilator
There's a crisp wind in the air, the leaves are turning, you know what time it is... it's FALL BREAK! After years of hemming and hawing about whether to discuss it, we're slashing our way through THE MUTILATOR (1984) and dang we had a good time doing it. This is definitely one of the few times you'll hear us heap praise on a kill comp but hey, we have a long weekend to drink cheap beer, do vaudeville for our girlfriends, and get chopped up in interesting ways. It's Fall Break! Fall Break!
Episode 370: Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989) LIVE AT CREATURE FEATUE WEEKEND
This week's episode was recorded LIVE at a Creature Feature Weekend 2022 and features our friends from Camp Nightmare filling in for Scott Roger! We wrap up Listener Submitted Month with a doozy of a pick as we re-evaluate the Nightmare on Elm Street sequel Dream Child.
Episode 369: Howling 7: New Moon Rising (1995)
If you miss the bad old days of painful listener submission episodes, you're in luck because we watched an absolutely terrible movie that sort of has a werewolf in it for a minute or 2 but is mostly about honky tonk and the most somber line-dancing you've ever seen. We subjected ourselves to another Howling entry, this time THE HOWLING: NEW MOON RISING (1995), in which the director/lead actor of the last 2 tries desperately to connect the entire series into a cohesive timeline. Did he succeed? Perhaps, but at what cost? Our sanity hangs by a thread on this week's show!
Episode 368: Shocking Dark (1989)
Imagine you're an Italian filmmaker in the 80s. You've got 10k to make a sci-fi movie and you aim for Aliens... and then get sidetracked by ripping off Terminator... and your entire cast and crew have never even done a table read. No need to imagine, because that's basically what you get when you watch SHOCKING DARK, aka Terminator 2 (1989)! We finally caved after years of putting off this listener pick and can confirm, yup it's a movie. We have more questions now than when we turned it on and no expectation of ever having them answered. Let's be confused together.
Episode 367: Brain Damage (1987)
Ah, the classic story: boy meets immortal brain-eating slug, boy loves the feel of blue juice injected into his grey matter, boy's life falls apart and his head explodes. If you haven't guessed, we're kicking off Listener Submitted Month with Frank Henenlotter's BRAIN DAMAGE (1988)! It may come as a shock to you, but this movie is a metaphor for drug addiction... Mind-blowing.
Episode 366: Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed (2004)
If there's one constant in this life, it's Matt Kelly's love for Emily Perkins, and this week he's taking us to visit her as she gets off the sauce in GINGER SNAPS 2: UNLEASHED (2004). Ever wondered what Girl, Interrupted would be like if the girl was slowly becoming a werewolf? Well wonder no more, because that's sort of what we've got going on here. Also, check out Matt's clever Disney+ connection to this film, he truly outdid himself on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 365: 2001 Maniacs (2005)
Some questions will forever remain unanswered, like why idiots in northern states fly the Confederate flag in 2022, or why 2001 MANIACS (2005) wasn't released 4 years earlier and why Kyle punished his cohosts with this pick. Not even Robert Englund himself can save this Sherman's March of a flick, nor the gratuitous amount of nudity on display... It's just a whole lotta ick for your hosts this week, but we have a sinking feeling that the pain is what keeps you listening.
Episode 364: Christine (1983)
Sometimes all it takes for the nerdy guy to become the cool guy is a killer car. Get it? A KILLER CAR?? What we're trying to say here is that John Carpenter's adaption of Stephen King's book CHRISTINE (1980) is about a murderous automobile. While relatively bloodless (in true King adaption fashion), this one rules and is arguably one of the best big screen King movies as well as a damn fine entry into Carpenter's filmography. We're all compliments this week - get your chrome polished on another episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 363: Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)
Bookending last week’s exploitative tongue-twister pick, we’re heading to the lanes with another mouthful: SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA (1988). This movie features a lot of nudity, a possibly offensive goblin, a fully-clothed Linnea Quigley and basically no plot to speak of… so we had our work cut out for us. We may have wasted our wishes on a cohesive discussion, let’s see what Uncle Impie has in store for us all.
Episode 362: Butcher Baker Nightmare Maker (1983)
The world needs more masc Mary Sues in film and Kyle is on a mission to bring this very specific trope into the public eye with his pick of the insane BUTCHER BAKER NIGHTMARE MAKER (1981). Also known as NIGHT WARNING, the creators obviously had no grasp of how to title a movie, but nevertheless this one has a ton of social commentary to delve into beyond being total camp, delighting all three of your hosts. Chug some milk, your weird aunt needs you at full strength this week on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 361: Grabbers (2012)
If you're anything like Scott, you will watch pretty much any movie featuring heavy Irish accents, and if so, this week's pick is just for you! We watched the Emerald Isle export GRABBERS (2012) as it's finally a decade old and the perfect vintage for the show. Thrill to people fighting imaginary enemies, questionable CGI and of course Scott's terrible brogue on another episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 360: Up From the Depths (1979)
After all these years, we may finally be scraping the bottom of the proverbial chum bucket for Jaws ripoffs because Matt subjected us to a truly terrible one: 1979's Corman creature feature UP FROM THE DEPTHS. Written, acted, directed AND edited as comedy, it was re-cut afterwards to lean into the horror, leaving us with a mess of a movie, but we manage to keep our heads above water and catch a great discussion in the process. Surf's up!
Episode 359: Brainscan (1994)
After the last 2 episodes, we've decided that the great outdoors are too scary, so we holed up inside with BRAINSCAN (1994)! If you've been dying to watch Edward Furlong shuffle along like a bozo as Great Value Freddy Krueger cracks awful jokes, then you're in luck because that's pretty much the whole movie. Oh and Primus.
Episode 358: Mosquito (1995)
Summer is in full swing and the air is filled with flying monsters out for blood - the perfect time to net a big ol discussion of MOSQUITO (1995)! If you like giant bug monsters draining dumb humans, this is the film for you. Also the film for you if you thought Gunnar Hansen didn't get enough chainsaw screen time between 2 TCM films and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers.
Episode 357: Loch Ness Horror (1982)
This week we find ourselves awash on the desolate shores of Scotland surrounded by non-Scottish actors and THE worst prop monster of all time as we discuss 1981's THE LOCH NESS HORROR. There's not much to say about this forgotten stinker that Matt assailed us with, but we somehow found a way to do so anyway! We're just 3 white dudes with a podcast talking crypto...zoology.
Episode 356: Red Queen Kills Seven Times (1972)
It's 2022 and we're still trying to understand exactly what makes giallo, well, GIALLO. Kyle has chosen to continue our education with 1973's gorgeous but somewhat shallow THE RED QUEEN KILLS SEVEN TIMES! We're stalking the family castle in our coolest red capes, shooting high fashion, swilling J&B and seducing our bosses - yknow, the usual.
Episode 355: American Psycho 2 (2002)
What is "the Mila Kunis-led sequel to a wild serial killer movie that wasn't originally a sequel to said movie but was more or less retconned into one after production wrapped?" If you answered AMERICAN PSYCHO 2: ALL AMERICAN GIRL (2002), you win nothing but the joy of having this silly movie staining your grey matter just like us! Scott picked this, sort of, and was shocked to learn that he was the reason the team was discussing it. Someone get him a bottle of gingko pills and some prune juice, he's getting old. Thankfully he doesn't look like William Shatner, who somehow plays a world-renowned serial killer hunter (who looks like someone left him overnight in a bathtub).
Episode 354: House of Wax (1953)
It's been too long since the HMN boys got POSITIVELY GHOULISH, so Matt rectified that by having us watch HOUSE OF WAX (1953) starring the one and only Vincent Price! While not quite as out there as the 2005 remake, it still has a lot for us to talk about so dip your toes in, the wax bath is the perfect temperature!
Episode 353: Hellraiser: HellWorld (2005)
Continuing the "one color gel only" trend of our recent picks, we decide to attend a totally not creepy house party/rave in all the blue-grey tones visible to the human eye and eventually run afoul of that pasty scamp Pinhead. You guessed it, we're heading into virtual Perdition with HELLRAISER: HELLWORLD (2005), which was very obviously filmed in 2002 and shelved for 3 long years based on the fashion choices and omnipresent Nokia phones in every single frame. It's a bad movie but what else would you expect from the 8th Hellraiser installment (and this podcast)?
Episode 352: Priest (2011)
Whoever said vampires are always sexy has definitely made themselves forget about the time Vision broke out of the MCU and into the Wild Wild West-iverse as it crashed into the Matrix and blew vampire Jesus to smithereens. After threatening it for months, Scott finally subjects the guys to literal trainwreck that is PRIEST (2011), possibly as punishment for the transgressions of their more recent picks. Confess your sins to Captain von Trapp and be absolved!
Episode 351: Dead Silence (2007)
Continuing his long tradition of championing pint-sized terror on the show, Matt dives us tongue-first into James Wan's haunted ventriloquist dummy romp DEAD SILENCE (2007). Boasting a $20mil budget and only one blue color gel, it's actually not nearly as bad as we might've remembered it being... but that might have more to do with our brains being warped by 7 years of doing this podcast and less with Dead Silence being good. You decide, but be careful talking smack about Mary Shaw or you may never talk again!
Episode 350: The Lost Boys (1987)
It's our 350th episode and lookee who decided to stop by - our long lost cohost Brian! We knew we had to discuss something he'd seen a million times so he couldn't weasel out of it by saying he didn't have time to watch the movie, thus we went with the oiled-sax-playing, beach party-crashing, Frog Brothers-filled THE LOST BOYS (1987). You know it, you love it, so do we, so let's get that nostalgia pumping through our delicious veins on this momentous 7-year anniversary spectacular episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 349: Stigmata (1999)
What's scarier than late 90s fashion? Late 90s fashion but with a side of lukewarm blasphemous imagery! Kyle is taking us higher this week with his 7th grade Livejournal favorite film of all time, STIGMATA (1999) and while the watch was painful, the conversation is heavenly. We're sorry Sky Daddy, we've been very naughty this week on Horror Movie Night...
Episode 348: The Fog (1980)
If horror movies are to be believed (and why shouldn't they be), every sleepy seaside town harbors a dark secret. Sometimes it's a haunted house, sometimes it's a lunatic in a creepy mask, but SOMEtimes it's a 100 year old curse placed by murdered lepers. In that case, you gotta watch out for THE FOG (1980), a John Carpenter classic that shocked 2 of the 3 hosts of this show in how many years it took for one of us to pick it. Come with us as we ponder the low body count and what a stomach pounder is this week on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 347: Starship Troopers (1997)
Do you wanna see the galaxy? Well too bad, we're an audio-based show! What we CAN offer is a rambling voyage to Klendathu as we duke it out over STARSHIP TROOPERS (1997). The tangents are definitely going to, um, bug some folks but you probably know by now that we just can't help ourselves. Would you like to know more? Listen to this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 346: Snakes on a Plane (2006) - Part 2
This week on Horror Movie Night, the discussion on Snakes on a Plane continues, and as usual, Gelsey picked a bad movie that Dylan enjoyed and Chris had mixed feelings on. We discuss the soundtrack as well as how we'd handle being on a "snakes on a plane" scenario.
Episode 345: Snakes on a Plane (2006) - Part 1
At long last Kyle is in the hot seat to pick a movie for us to watch and with almost 100 years of horror films to pull from he went with Snakes on a Plane. We breakdown the first film to ever be co-directed by the IMDb forms as well as the Fueled By Ramen produced soundtrack!
Episode 344: Event Horizon (1997)
What's that you say? One haunted house movie's not enough for you? How about a haunted house movie.... in space? In honor of its 25th anniversary this year, we head to Neptune's orbit and explore EVENT HORIZON (1997), which was literally pitched as "The Shining in space" so this tracks, trust us. It's gory, it's interesting, it's well-acted and then the third act just sucks, but we still have a lot of nice things to say about it so tune in for some space horror nostalgia on this week's Horror Movie Night!
Episode 343: Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes (1989)
You'd think that we've had enough of plodding haunted house franchises on this show, but then you'd be wrong and completely forgetting that Matt gets to pick every third movie and thus subjected his cohosts to AMITYVILLE 4: THE EVIL ESCAPES (1989). This is the third (!) Amityville we've discussed and apparently not the last either, so lay back, relax and let us illuminate the nuances of possessed lights that look like possessed trees. Oh and it's got K-Mart Pazuzu as well!
Episode 342: Cabin Fever (2002)
ABIN FEVER (2002).... We're joining by Erik J. Brown, author of the new book "All That's Left In the World" and Eli Roth enthusiast (ok not that part), who was kind enough to discuss this questionable piece of cinema history. Hope you're hungry because we've serving up all-you-can-eat PANCAKES this week on the show!
Episode 341: Demons 2 (1986)
An Italian film, on THIS show? Has Hell frozen over? No, it's just leaking some greasy evil turds into an apartment high rise and absolutely ruining Sally's birthday! Unbelievable. How could Argento and Bava do this to her? That's the real horror DEMONS 2 (1987), oh and running out of clean towels to fight K-Mart gremlins with.
Episode 340: Critters 4 (1992)
When you need to make 2 movies but only have the budget for 3/4 of one, you get busy on a Critters sequel that you can stretch into two! This week, we're discussing the second half of this questionable film-making choice with 1992's CRITTERS 4 (aka the one where they're in space). It's got Brad Dourif, Angela Bassett and that guy from SNDN3, how bad can it be? I guess we're all going to find out as we blast off into another episode...
Episode 339: The Covenant (2006)
Most of us know Sebastian Stan as the dashing Winter Soldier, but fun fact, he's also played a dashing warlock in the Renny Harlin abomination known as THE COVENANT (2006). The one and only Ashley V. Robinson of Geek History Lesson subjected us to this week's abuse and we love her for it. Listen to find out how much money this movie made (a lot) and how much your hosts suck at mental math (also a lot). Harry Potter can kiss Toby Hemingway's ass!
Episode 338: Blood From the Mummy's Tomb (1971)
In all of our years doing Horror Movie Night, we’ve never sat down to talk about a Hammer horror… Until now. This week, we’re cracking open the coffin and dusting the sand from a lovely disembodied hand with BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY’S TOMB (1971). Shockingly, this is but one of 4 screen adaptions of Bram Stoker’s “The Jewel of Seven Stars.” We’re guessing this is the best one because it stars two-time Bond Girl Valerie Leon!
Episode 337: Meet the Applegates (1991)
Ever wondered what a 1950s nuclear family in modern suburbia but are really giant shapeshifting bugs movie would be like? Well wonder no more, because we're talking about exactly that this week as we excavate MEET THE APPLEGATES (1990)! This one is as weird as it seems so you know there's a lot to unpack... Join us for the absurdity on another episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 336: In The Mouth of Madness (1994)
There's a saying we like to keep going around the HMN offices - "It's Mummy's Day somewhere." In the spirit of Mummy's Day, we invited our good friend Nate Lopez from 91 Donkey Lane to discuss the Lovecraft/King monster mash that is IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS (1994). We put on our bookreadin' glasses and crack the covers of some Sutter Cane best-sellers to bring the apocalyptic giggles and maybe a wall of tentacle monsters. Side note, how do you get sharpie crosses off your skin? Asking for an insurance investigator friend...
Episode 335: Metamorphosis - The Alien Factor (1990)
Little did Scott know when picking this week's movie, there are TWO films from 1990 called Metamorphosis and surprise! We collectively watched both, so we guess this is kind of a two-fer episode? There's body horror aplenty, so don't forget the paper towels and hand sanitizer for this discussion - it's gonna get gooey...
Episode 334: Pledge Night (1990)
It's a new year, time to start thinking about what frat you're going to rush and which popped collar douchbags you're going to let verbally and physically abuse you in the name of brotherhood. Can we suggest Heta Mu Nu? We promise to only make you eat 1 butt-cherry and no calling people the f-word. Oh and the gooey ghost of Joey Belladonna may or may not be haunting our frat house so ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Our first episode of 2022 is the 1990 straight-to-video PLEDGE NIGHT, a comedy-cum-supernatural slasher written and directed by a porn director, starring people who can't act and featuring yet another Freddy clone killer apparition, but at least it's set in the wintertime, which is the correct season for the actual Hell Week shenanigans we still somehow let happen every year at colleges across the US. Now clean up the mess we just made, pledgie!