Episodes

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2017

Episode 114: Tales from the Crypt - Bordello of Blood (1996)

Someone doused our shriveled black hearts in hooker blood and we're back from the grave for another week of Halloween celebration with the sequel (sort of) to Demon Knight - 1996's surprisingly unsexy Tales From the Crypt: Bordello of Blood! Matt has been hyped to pick this for years, but like any Tinder date involving Corey Feldman, expectation outweighs execution. The only thing in this episode that ISN'T flaccid is the conversation, so fill your pocket with rubbers, eat your veggies (vampires really hate vegetarians) and hang out with your fangs out enjoying another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 113: Scarecrows (1988)

In case you haven't checked the calendar in a couple days, IT'S FREAKIN OCTOBER Y'ALL. Time to bust out the flannel, carve a pumpkin, put on a scary movie, steal a couple mil and get eviscerated by scarecrows! You guessed it, we're kicking off the month of Halloween with 1988's uneven but ultimately entertaining SCARECROWS. Scott has been chomping at the bit to pick this one since the summer, and Matt almost picked it as well, so Adam had no choice but to slog through it for the sporadic but awesome gore. It's a head-scratcher of a flick, but we make the most of it, so tune in on your CB while flying in a totally believable airplane because you know what, it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 112: Street Trash (1987)

Thanks to multiple misguided emails about how amazing it is, we were forced to discuss the incredibly tasteless body melt pastel extravaganza Street Trash from 1987. Matt and Adam took no heed of Scott’s many warnings and now feel dirtier for having watched this pile of cinematic garbage. The director wanted to make something offensive to everyone and succeeded spectacularly... If you genuinely like this movie, please seek help. We’ll be bathing in Purell and bleach - join us, why don’t you, this week on Horror Movie Night. 

Episode 111: Detention (2011)

Detention is a pretty simple plot to follow, it's just your typical meta-horror/comedy about time traveling teens battling a serial killer dressed as their favorite movie character. Along the way is some mutations, body switching and magnetic bear mascot. Confused yet? Well then join the rest of us. Adam's brain has straight up shattered leaving Matt and Scott to pick up the slack and figure out what the fuck we watched this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 110: The Granny (1995)

Take one parts Golden Girls, mash crudely with Evil Dead 2 and garnish with a bit of Tales From the Crypt, and you get this week's listener pick - 1995's The Granny! It's no Sunset Boulevard, but it does feature a once-famous actress in the titular role swearing gratuitously, huge 90s bangs, a Playboy Playmate, castration, death by fur coat, and wrestling puns. That should be enough to get anyone interested, right?? Bring the prunes, cuz we're a little backed up this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 109: Shocker (1988)

Take all the good stuff you loved about A Nightmare on Elm Street, put it in a pile, and then light it on fire, THEN use all the stuff that you didn't love and make a piece of crap with an electric ghost and you still might have made a better film that Wes Craven provided in his 1989 flop Shocker. We can't decide if it makes it better or worse that the man who gave us Freddy tried to burden us with Horace Pinker the serial-killer-turned-electricity-Gremlin, but the experience is made somewhat bearable by a swearing child and sweet hair metal theme song. Be careful what you stick in the light socket this week on Horror Movie Night, you pervs!

Episode 108: Arcade (1993)

Sometimes, it's hard to remember how far CGI has come, what with modern horror movies replacing real blood with stupid looking CGI blood, adding pointless, unscary scretchfaced ghosts, and making things like The Emoji Movie. But then you watch something like Arcade from 1993 and remember that things were once much, much worse. This direct-to-video gem is basically The Lawnmower Man with less Jeff Fahey and fuckmonkeys, and more Seth Green and the kid from A Christmas Story. We try to salvage this idiotic plot by having Matt's brother Brian on to bring the sanity, but instead steamroll him like the bad guy in Who Framed Roger Rabbit (which also had way better CGI than Arcade). Have we mentioned that this movie's special effects are garbage? Get your VR gear and suit up with us for this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 107: The Outing (1987)

When you think horror, do you think Robin Williams in Aladdin? If so, you're in for a treat, because we're talking killer genies with 1987's The Outing! The Wishmaster he's not, but this genie has some serious power creep going on, yet chooses the laziest, most bizarre ways to kill whomever he comes across. This is the most menacing antique lamp you've ever seen, and you'll rethink your next trip to the history museum after watching it, so strap in as we grant your deepest, darkest desires in the most idiotic ways possible on this episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 106: Basket Case 2 (1990)

It's Matt's pick this week, and he has a long history of making the guys watch and discuss freak movies, so he went with one of his favorites, the 1990 Frank Henenlotter classic (?) Basket Case 2! We're all attached at the hip with our rollercoaster of emotions for this film, and do our best to sew ourselves together long enough to break down the intricate social commentary of this piece of cinema, as well as shower compliments on its SFX team for all the delightfully weird busts they made here. If you've ever wondered how freaks have a picnic, well you're in luck, because it's shown for about 5 minutes in this week's episode of Horror Movie Night.

Episode 105: The Beast Within (1982)

We here at Horror Movie Night love werewolf movies, and talk about our love of werewolf movies often. So of course one of us had to pick the werecicada masterpiece that is 1982's The Beast Within! We are immediately greeted with really gross, really explicit r-stuff, then a lot of talking and pointless exposition, some weird murders off-camera, more exposition, more bad acting (though the cast is giving 110% onscreen), crazy teen-to-bug transformation, more murders, more exposition, oh and then one last bit of r-stuff to top this insane sundae off just right. No one was really happy to watch this one, but at least we could commiserate on how it made us all feel (dirty and confused). So if you want to feel like we did and/or relive what your bodies went through during puberty, strap in for this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 104: Stung (2015)

Longtime listeners know, there's one thing that always makes the hosts of Horror Movie Night happy - monster bug guts! What did you think we were going to say, you perverts? This week, Adam is called away on serious business (probably making maple syrup, eh?) so Matt and Scott go into anaphylactic shock over 2015's mutant wasp (NOT BEES) movie Stung. With no angry Canadian to keep them on topic, they spend a third of the episode talking about other mutant insects and how much better the powers they imbue their heroes with... Anything to avoid the implications of the larvae scene in this movie. Light a citronella candle and get out the Off spray, unless you want to have a giant sky demon burst forth from your mangled carcass, but hey we're not judging you here on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 103: Tromeo & Juliet (1996)

Signal boost to every dude in love with his sister from another mister, the 420 Boyz are talking about one of your favorite flicks this week, the grossest Shakespeare(ish) movie ever, 1996's Tromeo and Juliet from the one and only Troma Entertainment. Matt thought he could strike gold twice with this pick, but it falls somewhere between Adam picking a movie about baby-stealing killer trees and Matt picking, well, most anything... If you've seen any Troma, you kind of know what to expect, but that doesn't mean you have to silently accept it. Grab your raisin loaf and maybe some Dramamine for this incesty romp (featuring Lemmy!) on this episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 102: Hollow Man (2000)

Sometimes you cheer for the amazing work done by graphic artists in the movies you watch, and sometimes you sit in disbelief realizing that a team of people got paid to mocap Kevin Bacon's dong for an Invisible Man movie. If that doesn't paint the picture, we're discussing 2000's pointless CGI fest, Hollow Man, and boy did we not have fun. This super rapey take on the classic mad scientist story has a bunch of supposedly smart people acting like idiots, talking like Dawson's Creek characters, and screwing or bludgeoning anything with a heartbeat. Strap in and bite down on this, cuz frankly you can see right though us on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night. 

Episode 101: I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)

Maybe it's because we're 3 clueless dudes, but does covering up a murder lead to you not washing your hair for a year but still being totally cool with wearing crop tops and belly shirts? We don't know, but these are the hard-hitting questions we aggressively drive towards in this week's discussion of 1997's beautiful-people-screaming-at-nothing-and-quipping-like-it's-a-romcom Kevin Williamson slasher I Know What You Did Last Summer! The best part about this movie is that no matter how many times you watch it, the plot points and character motivations are so inscrutable and inane that your brain doesn't retain much of anything, so the killer's third act reveal is always fresh. Plus everyone is super attractive (except for the actual killer...OR IS IT). Grab your galoshes cuz this flick's slicker than a bucket of lukewarm chum and we're going to chug it on this week's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 100: The Monster Squad (1988)

One hundred years ago, Dracula and other monsters survive to the attack of Dr. Van Helsing and his men to his castle with a magical amulet. In the present days, Dracula travels to the United States and arrives in a small town. He summons the Werewolf, the Mummy, the Swamp Thing and Frankenstein's creature to help him to retrieve the amulet. In the town, a man claims that he is the werewolf and goes to the police station to ask to be locked up in a cell. Meanwhile a mummy vanishes from the local museum and police detective Del is assigned to investigate the case. When his son Sean, who is a monster fan, learns the news, he joins his friends Patrick, Horace and Rudy in his monster club to read a Van Helsing's journal that was given by his mother. However the book is written in German and they are not able to translate it. So they asks for help from their weird neighbor that they call Scary German Guy and they discover that they need to recover the amulet and a virgin to get rid off Dracula and the monsters. Meanwhile Sean's little sister Phoebe, who is unsuccessfully trying to join the club, befriends Frankenstein's creature. The unlike group brings Patrick's sister, who claims that is virgin, to read the passage that sends the monsters to the limbo. Will they be successful in their intent?

Episode 100: The Monster Squad (1988)

One hundred years ago, Dracula and other monsters survive to the attack of Dr. Van Helsing and his men to his castle with a magical amulet. In the present days, Dracula travels to the United States and arrives in a small town. He summons the Werewolf, the Mummy, the Swamp Thing and Frankenstein's creature to help him to retrieve the amulet. In the town, a man claims that he is the werewolf and goes to the police station to ask to be locked up in a cell. Meanwhile a mummy vanishes from the local museum and police detective Del is assigned to investigate the case. When his son Sean, who is a monster fan, learns the news, he joins his friends Patrick, Horace and Rudy in his monster club to read a Van Helsing's journal that was given by his mother. However the book is written in German and they are not able to translate it. So they asks for help from their weird neighbor that they call Scary German Guy and they discover that they need to recover the amulet and a virgin to get rid off Dracula and the monsters. Meanwhile Sean's little sister Phoebe, who is unsuccessfully trying to join the club, befriends Frankenstein's creature. The unlike group brings Patrick's sister, who claims that is virgin, to read the passage that sends the monsters to the limbo. Will they be successful in their intent?

Episode 99: Sleepaway Camp 2 - Unhappy Campers (1988)

It's episode 99 so it should surprise no one that we went with Sleepaway Camp 2, the delightful sequel to episode 50's Sleepaway Camp - now with 100% less baseball montages! SAC2 is arguably less transphobic, less homophobic, and definitely way more boob-filled than its predecessor, but one thing remains the same...Kids these days are only trying to get someone to touch them where they pee. For this sin, all must die. Join us as we decide which grossly inventive kill is the best and wonder how every camper appears to be 25 on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 98: The Video Dead (1987)

Do you like zombie movies? Really? In 2017? Well, OK, but even you will probably be unable to find much of value in this week's pick, the head shakingly odd direct-to-video messtorpiece The Video Dead from 1987. The guys do their best to explain the plot of a relatively plotless film, and ask questions like, "Why don't the zombies actually eat anyone?" and "Are any of these people actors?" Get the dry ice and your grandparents' vacuum tube TV set, because the HMN boys are going to reenact the one good scene from this film on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 97: American Werewolf in Paris (1997)

The late 90s were a simpler time for Americans; we were cool with most of the world and could spend entire summers backpacking across Europe trying to do EXTREEEEEME stunts with our douchey friends and chase foreign tail without fear of incriminating photos being posted on social media. Plus, you could dress like a homeless person and still have a chance at getting laid (thanks Seattle). Yes, the 90s were pretty swell, unless you're Tom Everett Scott in 1997's An American Werewolf in Paris. Or really most of the movies he starred in during this time period. But he did get to make out with Julie Delpy and Liv Tyler, so he had that going for him. In any case, we tackle another questionable werewolf flick this week and spent more time discussing its soundtrack and quoting Dead Man on Campus than anything else, but longtime listeners will be completely unsurprised by this. Check your bungie apparatus, because it's time to get Eiffel Towered on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 96: Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf (1985)

We joke a lot about coke-fueled 80s cinema, but we may have finally found the ultimate example of what a drug fever dream could lead to - 1985's insane lycanthrope 'n little people extravaganza, Howling 2: Your Sister Is A Werewolf! Between the shots of Christopher Lee smirking in a pair of awkward new wave sunglasses, on-top-of-the-clothes love scenes while the whole town smells sex in the air like creeps, werewolf threesomes, threats of forced werewolf oral and possibly pervy gargoyle staffs, Stiran struts around in as little pleather as humanly possible in what looks like reused heavy metal video shoots. This just scratches the surface of the depths this film sinks to, in the most ridiculous ways possible. We hope you like Devo, because the house band sure seems to on this episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 95: The Invisible Maniac (1990)

Some days, life really gets you down. No one believes you're a scientific genius, your coworkers laugh at you, you're chased by the friendliest wild dog ever... All because your mom caught you using your telescope to watching the neighbor girl strip down erotically to 50s music when you were a child. What's a guy to do?! Maybe inject himself with invisibility serum and molest his way through the remedial physics class at the local high school? Yeah, that sounds like a plan! If you haven't guessed, we watched 1990's The Invisible Maniac, and IT. WAS. AMAZING. If you're not hyped for this episode, there's no saving you, so you might as well choke on this subway sandwich here, cuz that's how we roll (while invisible) on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 94: Return of the Living Dead Part 3 (1993)

We here at Horror Movie Night understand that our listeners are a diverse group, so what's a little innocent neceophilia between friends? In honor of you delightful deviants, we're talking about arguably the sexiest zombie flick ever - or at least from the 90s - Return of the Living Dead III from 1993! This pick harkens back to our recent commentary track for Bride of Re-Animator, as director Brian Yuzna wanted more screen time for the Bride and wrote this as a sort of spiritual successor. Thanks, Mr. Yuzna, we love ya! Hope you're hungry again, because racist stereotypes and DIY body mods are on the menu for this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 93: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) - Live at Brickwall Tavern

As you may have gathered from our Jason Takes Manhattan episode, we did a live taping recently after Monster Mania 36; in the likelihood that you, dear listeners, weren't able to make it to the live show, we were thoughtful/sadistic enough to tape the show, and this week's episode is the second half of our set, in which we lovingly eviscerate 1991's ironically-named "final" installment in the NOES franchise, Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare! The hits come faster and harder than Breckin Meyer doing bong rips, so get yourself a drink and fire up your Powerglove for another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 92: Stay Alive (2006)

Whoever said that gamer nerds would never live through a horror movie? We're not sure either, but they were pretty spot with their predictions. This week, we are joined by the incredibly knowledgeable Liz Finnegan of The Escapist to discuss Frankie Muniz's agent's terrible decision-making skills and the unbelievable game mechanics In the 2005 video game ghost killer flick Stay Alive. Liz and Adam chew the pixelated fat over horror games while Matt and Scott try to keep up and not sound dumb. It's time for a good old fashioned LAN party, so bring the Doritos and Mountain Dew for this week's episode of Horror Movie Night! Oh, and the virgin blood for the ghost of Madam Bathory, how could we forget?

Episode 91: The Blob (1988)

 

It's Friday night, you're a high school football star, and you have a hot date with the pretty-but-takes-no-shit head cheerleader - what do you do?? Probably get eaten within the first 15 minutes by a mutated bacteria that was shot into space and has now crash-landed and gruesomely begun dissolving your friends one by one, that's what... If you haven't guessed, this week's film is none other than the fantastic 1988 remake of The Blob! 

Episode 90: Critters 2 (1988)

We here at Horror Movie Night believe in the sanctity of religion, so on this extra special Easter episode, we want to discuss the holy cycle of death and rebirth by watching a guy in a bunny suit get eaten crotch-first by monster hedgehogs and then crash through a church's stained glass window as parishioners in their Easter best scream in terror. That's right, we're talking about Critters 2 from 1988!

Episode 89: Friday the 13th Part 8 - Jason Takes Manhattan (1989) Live at Brickwall Tavern

If there's one thing the world of horror needs, it's a movie where an undead killer stalks teenagers on a boat that can teleport from a closed lake to the open ocean. Really, there MUST be a market for that, right? To the people clambering for such a film, we bestow upon you this live discussion of Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), taped at the Brickwall Tavern in Burlington, New Jersey - that's close enough to NYC, right?

Episode 88: The Curse 2 - The Bite (1986)

You ever watch a movie where someone's hand is mutating into a crazy snake monster and just think to yourself, "dude shouldn't have jacked it so much..."? No? Well this week you may find yourself thinking just that as we wrap ourselves around the sequel-in-name-only Curse 2: The Bite (1989). Screaming Mad George isn't a guest on this episode, but Matt does his best impression of him and if you close your eyes and dip your hand in a bowl of room-temperature KY, it feels like he's really there! Bring your weird Amish accent and terrible singing voice, we'll be downing all the fly-beers we can stomach on this week's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 87: Ice Cream Man (1995)

Lactose intolerant listeners, beware: this movie stinks more then your bedroom at night after drinking a whole milkshake... It's been far too long since our favorite weirdo has graced us with his onscreen presence, so we struggled through Clint Howard's "acting" in 1995's The Ice Cream Man. There's implied cannibalism, malpractice lawsuits everywhere, oh and Cool Chris from Punchline quoting the douchey older brother's best lines! Seriously, Chris Fafalios is our guest, and we're on our best behavior. Kinda. Get your oral fixation under control with a push pop or rocket pop and settle in for another creamy episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 86: Rawhead Rex (1986)

This St. Paddy's, we're taking a trip to the Emerald Isle to do battle with a pagan wrestling god in the form of a walking dick joke in Clive Barker's second attempt at not getting screwed by a studio - 1986's RAWHEAD REX! The plot is incoherent, the acting abysmal, and the rubber suited monster incredibly ineffectual, but that's all right, because we have a screaming, insane priest chewing every goddamn scene and we're going to take full advantage of the situation. Get ready for your 98 degree baptism, because we drank all the communal wine on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 85: The Lawnmower Man (1992)

This week continues our streak of godawful early 90s sci-fi/horror as we dive brainfirst into a new technology called VIRTUAL REALITY and immediately get to cybering with any warm body nearby. That's right, we're discussing 1992's not-a-Stephen-King-adaption-even-if-the-posters-say-it-is The Lawnmower Man, and we have help from our new buddy, Jesse Cornett! Jesse, or as we like to call him, The Golden Voice, is an established podcaster himself and decided to slumbit with us for 45 minutes as we barely discuss the incomprehensible garbage that constituted a Stephen King adaption in the early 90s on this week's installment of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 84: Project Metalbeast (1995)

Get this... *sniiiiiff* ok, a werewolf, right? With skin as strong as steel! A literal metal beast! Everyone in agreement? Great, let me call my dealer, we're going up need more snow than Aspen to film this... Is probably how storyboarding went for this week's movie, 1995's Project: Metalbeast on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 83: The Frighteners (1996)

It's been far too long since the 420 Boyz discussed ghost sex, so they went ahead and dove soul-first into 1996's supremely entertaining Peter Jackson outing The Frighteners! When your film stars the Re-Animator, Marty McFly, Gomez Addams, ET's mom and Jake Busey's teeth, and is the reason the LOTR movies get made, you know it's going to be a good time. We promise not to carve 69 into your forehead as long as you join us for another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 82: The Stuff (1985)

Pull up a chair and sit down for a wholesome meal of lukewarm marshmallow fluff with a side of conspicuous consumption, because this week, the HMN boys are devouring 1985's deliciously dumb The Stuff! Between mouthfuls of questionably-sourced goo, the guys get stuck on kids ruining supermarkets, corporate greed, and Michael Moriarty's Southern drawl. Kill all the bad things inside you with another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 81: Body Melt (1993)

Listeners, welcome to a new world - one where exposure to too many horror podcasts leads to a skinny little wiener popping out of your foreheads and everyone getting drenched in authentic KY Jelly(tm). There's also some odd sexual side effects, but hey, you're getting some, so don't complain. This week's pick is the delightfully gooey and weird From Beyond (1986), starring Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton, and Bubba the Ex-Football Player. If this intro doesn't get you primed for action, then we don't know what will... Hope you don't mind some light bondage, and oh, the safe word is Horror Movie Night!

Episode 80: Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

Release the person faced hounds and pull your Probe board game out of your closet because this week the trio is talking about one of the most infamously homoerotic horror films of all time... "Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge". We break down the subtler moments of S&M bar crashing, Mark Patton's dreamy eyes and the true story of the man inside. Join us won't you for Horror Movie Night!

Episode 79: Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)

It's good to know that after the bombs fall and half of the world is mutated into weird, pervy amphibians, we'll have someone like Rowdy Roddy Piper to repopulate the planet with his incredible sperm - or at least, that's the way things go in this week's pick, 1988's post-apocalyptic, post-consent fever dream Hell Comes to Frogtown. Here's a question for you listeners, why would frog-people have an entire city in the middle of the desert?  We have more questions, but few answers, so come share our bewilderment this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 78: From Beyond (1986)

Listeners, welcome to a new world - one where exposure to too many horror podcasts leads to a skinny little wiener popping out of your foreheads and everyone getting drenched in authentic KY Jelly(tm). There's also some odd sexual side effects, but hey, you're getting some, so don't complain. This week's pick is the delightfully gooey and weird From Beyond (1986), starring Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton, and Bubba the Ex-Football Player. If this intro doesn't get you primed for action, then we don't know what will... Hope you don't mind some light bondage, and oh, the safe word is Horror Movie Night!

Episode 77: The Deadly Spawn (1983)

If the creeping dread of another Cold War hasn't quite hit you yet, the HMN boys will get you there with 1983's low budget, killer-alien-in-a-meteorite The Deadly Spawn! This homage (well, more pastiche, really) to the alien monster heyday of the 1950s spent all of its money on creature effects (which are awesome, despite what Adam may think) and then hired people off the street to get eaten by weird hungry tadpoles. Don't go in your swampy, disgusting basement, cuz it's Horror Movie Night, comrade!

 

 

 

Episode 76: Suburban Commando (1991)

Hey brother, we watched you flex your 24 inch pythons and vote for the one non-horror film of the year for us to tackle, and you now get to ledgrop aliens all over the place while we discuss the Hulkster's 1991 sci-if comedy Suburban Commando! You better have said your prayers, taken your vitamins and done the right thing, cuz the Hulk's bad weave is coming to your spare bedroom, keeping it safe from litigenous grease monkeys, bad bosses and intergalactic warlords. If you're not feeling these colorful Hammer pants, well too bad, it's standard issue, soldier, on this episode of Horror Movie Night! 

2016

Episode 75: New Years Evil (1980)

2016 has been a real crap year, so of course it needs to end with an equally crappy horror movie about an totally-unmasked killer stalking women to kill as midnight rings in each timezone! That's right, the boys are ringing in the new year with 1980s New Years Eeeeeeeeeeevil. This film is what you'd imagine a quaalude nap at Studio 54 felt like, though there would've probably been a ton more nudity there too, so really, that's a lame example anyway. Nevermind, we have eeeeeeeevil to discuss, so if you're really eeeeeeeeeevil, put on your best Christmas-ribbon dress, slap some rouge across that eeeeeeevil face, and LISTEN. TO. THE REPLAY on the first Horror Movie Night of 2017!

Episode 74: Elves (1989)

It's Christmas Eve and boy do we have a surprise for you... We dug deep in our bag of podcast magic and pulled out a very special episode for you, full of Nazis, Grizzly Adams, and of course incest. That's right, this week's episode is the abysmal Xmassacre ELVES from 1989! Put on your Santa hat and draw some swastikas on your boobs/moobs as the guys wind their way through the celluloid insanity on display here. There are truly no words for this film, but HMN tries real hard to fill in the awkward silence. Happy holidays and watch out for grandpa, it's a very merry Horror Movie Xmas Night!

Episode 73: The Last Slumber Party (1988)

Linda, Tracy, and Chris are a trio of teenage girls who decide to celebrate the last day of high school by having a slumber party at Linda's house. A few guys also show up to further enhance the merry festivities. However, things take a turn for the worse when a homicidal maniac who has just escaped from a mental hospital crashes the bash.

 

 

Episode 72: Student Bodies (1981)

Wake up to a dream within a dream about a mouthbreathing, galoshes-wearing, teen-killing weirdo that may just be your body's reaction to a bad chili dog from the cafeteria, cuz the HMN boys are taking on the ORIGINAL meta horror comedy, 1980s Student Bodies. On this day, we are all nonsensical murderers with a cold, poking fun at the first wave of slasher flicks and the dumb character decisions we all love to hate. Grab some paper clips and your second-favorite handicapped janitor for this week's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 71: Prison (1987)

In true Horror Movie Night style, the guys are kicking off the holiday season with a film whose themes include (but are not limited to): prison, death penalty, alcoholism, bigotry, prison rape, trucker hats, and the ever-present electric ghost. That's right, we're talking Renny Harlin's 1988 diamond in the rough PRISON! If you ever wondered what Aragorn was doing before that idiot Frodo came along, or what Deebo was up to on Thursday, this is the movie for you. Burn your bedding but keep the trucker hat, cuz it's getting hot in solitary this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 70: R.O.T.O.R. (1987)

If you thought that ROBOCOP was too believable and MANIAC COP's story was too easy to follow, then boy do the guys have a movie for you! This week, Adam throws the group into robot karate class with 1987's inscrutable cyborg crimefighting cringer R.O.T.O.R. Unsure why all the strongly-worded suggestions against this pick went unheeded, Matt and Scott grasp at their fraying sanity as Adam teaches his mustache jujitsu. It's about as 80s action cinema as you can get, so bring your C4 to the newest episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 69: Deathgasm (2015)

Do you like metal?? This movie may or may not be metal! It's not necessarily good metal, but yeah, the central theme is more or less "metal" - of course we're talking about 2015's NZ shredfest Deathgasm! You can tell the protagonist is totally metal by his Trivium posters... Super duper metal, guys. He realizes the whole town has figured out what a poser he is, so he summons a demon to steal everyone's souls and their ability to tell him he needs to practice more. Let's just say he's no Slumber Party Massacre II Driller Killer, all right? Get your corpse paint and nail gauntlets, we're heading out into the woods to shoot a lofi black metal video, because that's how we roll on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 68: Phantasm 2 (1988)

What better way to ignore the inescapable dread of real life than with a horror movie that makes almost no sense?? This week, Scott picked 1988's Phantasm II (another sequel that's arguably better than its predecessor), and promptly spent 30 minutes trying to explain to Matt and Adam why it's awesome. Spoiler alert, they don't agree. Idiots. So grab your quad-shot sawed off and dwarf actors' union application, it's Horror Movie Night!

 

Episode 67: Terror Toons (2002)

What hell hath HMN wrought? Upon Matt's insistence, a fan submission and our better judgment, the guys suffered through 2002's z-grade abomination Terror Toons. Watching this made one host giddy, while the others cursed the inventors of green screens and their own births. Hold onto your insane fake boobs and your nu metal CD binder, it's another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 66: Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)

It's Halloweentime again at the old HMN place, and the guys have once again agreed to subject themselves to an appropriately questionable kids' movie in honor of the best day of the freakin' year - this time around, it's Ernest Scared Stupid from 1991. It's no Spaced Invaders, but Adam and Scott have reservations, while Matt is, as usual, awashed in a golden shower of nostalgia. Bust out your miak, troll boogers, and weird multi-costume expositional montages, it's the annual Horror Movie Night Halloween episode!

Episode 65: Basket Case (1982)

Brothers can be such a pain... Always needing rides everywhere, always bugging you telepathically while you're on a date, eating 10 gross hamburgers in a sitting, hiding in the toilet; you know, typical brother stuff. The HMN brothers-from-different-mothers try to keep a lid on Frank Henenlotter's 1982 cult classic Basket Case in this week's episode, even though one of their ranks has been chopped in half by a homemade saw device that has the police stumped. If you're rolling around in your brother's girlfriend's guts, you know what time it is - it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 64: The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996)

Well, it must be Adam's week to pick a movie, because nothing else could explain the inextricable and excruciating experience endured by your hosts at the hands of 1996's Island of Dr. Moreau. The excellent documentary Lost Souls makes an appearance wearing the same clothes as Marlin Brando while stealing the show. Come WILSON with the rest of the castaways on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 63: Halloween 4 - Return of Michael Myers (1988)

The leaves are changing, pumpkins are ready for carving, and your hosts are taking over the October picks, starting with 1988's Halloween 4! Leave your love of John Carpenter at the door, as he pretty much had nothing to do with this film. Dust off your clown costumes (hello, relevant!), it's October on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 62: Blood Rage (1987)

Let's face it, watching your mom awkwardly hook up with not-your-new-dad at the drive-in could turn any mild-mannered kid into a psychopath... Poor misunderstood slasher killers. This week's bad decision is 1987's Thanksgiving twin massacre Blood Rage. Adam is so disgusted, he barely shows up, and somehow Matt and Scott trudge through the movie without going on their own killing spree. Nevermind it's nowhere near turkey day, this is how we roll on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 61: The Toxic Avenger (1984)

Life got you down? Can't seem to get ahead at work? Girlfriend not letting you commit vehicular homicide as often as you'd like? Dweeb at the gym getting in the way of your regular regimen of benchpressing, karate and cigarettes? If everything is stressin' you out, man, Uncle Llyodie's got a present for you - the HMN boys are bringing you their sludge-covered two cents on Troma's 1986 B-grade masterpiece The Toxic Avenger! The guys are decked out in their best sissy stuff and are ready for some action in the locker room, join them and get slimed on another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 60: Evil Ed (1997)

We heard you like head explosions - here's a movie with one in the first scene! The guys burn their way through 1995's splatter quasi-commentary Evil Ed, while ruminating about their own dark futures if they continue down their current path. Oh, and Bill Moseley's voice. Grab an umbrella, because loose limbs are falling like manna from heaven this week on Horror Movie Night!

 

Episode 59: Jack Frost 2 - Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)

It's a random, humid evening in September, perfect for watching a Christmas horror film about a killer snowman and the dumbasses he terrorizes on a tropical resort island. We're apparently barbecuing, because Adam is back on the sauce and picking 2000's direct-to-the-$2-Walmart-bin crapshoot Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman, this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 58: Maniac Cop (1988)

The masses have spoken, and we have answered: we bestow upon you a parable of prolonged police persecution in the bustling beaurocracy of the burgeoning Big Apple, also known as 1988's Maniac Cop! Highlights are Bruce Campbell and the lady cop's undercover prostitute hair; definitely not the plot. Cross the thin blue line, thrill me and borrow your cellmate's shank, it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 57: Ghoulies 2 (1988)

Remember the days when you were scared to use the toilet? When you you were certain there was something evil lurking just below the porcelain bowl, waiting....just waiting...to EAT. YOUR. BUTT. Feels like yesterday to the HMN boys (and probably WAS yesterday for at least one of them). Join them this week as they discuss 1988's Ghoulies II! Bring your drunk uncle, your stripper with a heart of gold, and your bigger monster to defeat the smaller monsters, cuz it's another carnival-themed episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 56: Dark Ride (2007)

Are you ready for a group of insufferable teens (?) to get mutilated creatively by a ridiculous plot twist? If not, too bad, because this week, we're talking Killer Karnivals From Outta Jersey, also known as 2006's DARK RIDE! Adam and Scott have so many questions, but Matt and the writers of this film ain't answering. Turn on all the lights, ignore the sticky body fluids that have been spilled all over the floor, and hop on this ride, cuz it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 55: Drag Me to Hell (2009)

We hope you're hungry, because we're serving up a big helping of the grossest stuff you can imagine being spewed into your open mouth with Sam Raimi's delectable 2009 outing, Drag Me To Hell! Does Justin Long redeem himself for his Tusk-y crimes? Find out on this episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 54: The Guardian (1990)

Sometimes there are directors who truly can do no wrong. Their careers are chock full of great films executed flawlessly... The director of The Exorcist is not one of those people, as evidenced by Adam's pick this week: 1990's baby-stealing opus The Guardian! The guys have a lot of criticism for the 90 minutes of film on either side of the biker gang deaths at the spooky tree, as they're all too jaded to be swayed by baby-crazy naked witches. Come bathe in front of your shirtless employer on a new episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 53: Drive Thru (2007)

Have you ever scraped the bottom of the grease barrel at a minimum-wage, burger-flipping, hate-your-life job? Watching this week's film was a lot like that. The guys chew their way through 2007's killer clown flick Drive Thru, leaving them with a gross taste in their mouths and a case of the runs like you wouldn't believe. Bring your awful fashion choices and inappropriate racial slurs, as we troll an ICP wannabe, cuz that's how we roll on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 52: Terror Vision (1986)

Holy tomato, we're heading back to the days of paper classified ads, genuine interest in music videos, and the seductive lure of satellite television! That's right, we're going intergalactic and eating everything with 1986's TerrorVision. The French exchange student from Better Off Dead, the Wolfman from Monster Squad, and Beef from Phantom of the Paradise do their best to avoid becoming space monster poop, and the HMN guys do their best to find something, anything critical to say about this charming 80s time capsule. Now, mother's going to make you take your pill so we can all enjoy Horror Movie Night!

Episode 51: Dolls aka The Doll (1987)

If you've ever dreamed of your terrible father and stepmother being dismembered by an 8-foot-tall, remorseless teddy bear, then this week's pick is for you! Matt picked Dolls (1987) so that he could talk about how great this early draft of How I Met Your Mother is. He also wanted to talk about the trash punk girls with bad teeth. We think. Hold onto your porcelain eyes, it's another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 50: Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Welcome to Episode 50 of Horror Movie Night! We all survived our first year and haven't gone on too many murderous rampages yet, and for our anniversary, we discussed the fantastic camp slasher SLEEPAWAY CAMP from 1983. Matt is overjoyed that he's surrounded by so much young fresh chicken, Scott is hoping to score with counselor Meg on her night off, and Adam is just hanging out in the background pumping iron. Let your hair down and get some head by the lake - it's Horror Movie Night's 50th episode!

 

Episode 49: Primal (2010)

Hey everybody, if you've seen Primal (2010), then you have an idea of what you're in for, because it appears Adam was infected by the killer rabbit from Monty Python this week. Sadly, Matt and Adam had to put him out his misery with a boulder to the face, but this luckily gives them more time to talk about how handsome Matt is. There's erratic behavior, friends turning on friends, and a surprise visit from a gigantic, gross, horny cave slug. It's all here on a new episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 48: Willard (2003)

If you're a regular listener to the show, it's likely you have spent at least one quiet evening at home surrounded by hordes of feral rats. This week is your week, as the guys get torn up by 2003's Willard! Things get Crispin Glover-level weird and everyone thinks of ways to take the air out of their jerk boss's sports car tires- bring some snacks and don't worry about dropping any crumbs (the rat-bros will handle cleanup), it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 47: Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 (1987)

Have you ever been fever-dreamed that one of the most beloved horror films of all time got a sequel that was so head-scratchingly bad, the writer/director even apologized for it? Well, we're here to tell you that was no fever-dream, it was Tobe Hooper's insane 1986 bucket of guts and bullshit, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre II! The guys choke down this long-awaited discussion, and try their best to not think too hard on Leatherface's chainsaw hip thrusts. The saw is family on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 46: Frankenhooker (1990)

WANT A PODCAST? LOOKIN FOR COMPANY? LIKE CAPS LOCK? HOW ABOUT 1990'S FRANKENHOOKER? This week, the guys get elbow deep in giant crack rocks and purple goo, and discuss Matt's romantic evening plans, Adam's scientific proclivities, and Scott's ongoing obsession with head explosions. Got any money? It's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 45: Forbidden Zone (1980)

This week's episode reveals a dark truth of this world, that there are 2 types of people on Earth: those that like 1980's Forbidden Zone, and those that have taste. Matt picked this one, so that basically answers that question (if there was any doubt), and surprisingly, Scott is the most verbally abusive person on the show for once, while Adam is uncharacteristically ambivalent. This is the power of Danny "Satan-guy" Elfman. Bring your blackface and incessant need to hump strangers, it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 44: Munchies (1987)

Hey Millenials! You like Gremlins, right?? Of course you do! Critters? Well, duh! How about the K-Mart spawn of both franchises thrown in a blender with some funky 8-tracks, the Pee-Wee's Playhouse DVD set, and an economy-sized bottle of Viagra? Take a sip of that, it probably tastes like 1987's Munchies! The guys tear this one apart, which inevitably lead to a number of (thankfully) less sexually-charge, more kid-friendly sequels. Hope you're hungry, cuz it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 43: Death Becomes Her (1992) 

So a blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a mansion full of supposedly-dead celebrities... Wait, is that how the joke goes? It's probably funnier when Bruce Willis tells it in 1992's shoulda-been-a-Tales-From-the-Crypt-installment Death Becomes Her. This week is special because everyone pretty much agrees that this movie rules, even Adam - IT'S A MIRACLE! Come on you apes, you wanna live forever?? It's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 42: Hello Mary Lou - Prom Night 2 (1987)

Hop in your fliptop, grab your best girl and pin her up on Lovers' Lane, because this week, the guys are going steady with 1987's Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II! Matt is the square Mary Lou is dating, Adam is the one she's hooking up with backstage at the prom, and Scott is somewhere writing songs about it all. This barely-related sequel to the Jamie Lee Curtis vehicle original has religious parents, teen pregnancy, daddy-daughter tenderness and one of the podcast's favorite topics: ghost sex. Your tux better be pressed and the corsage cooling in the fridge, because it's Horror Movie Prom Night...2!

Episode 41: Stagefright (2014)

Hey theater geeks, do you feel like you've been underrepresented in horror films? Do you demand to be killed off like the jocks that make your life miserable and the beautiful 27-year-old high school girls who won't give you the time of day? Then look no further than this week's pick, the sleek 2014 remake of Stage Fright! The guys are divided, as Matt and Scott were theater kids in their younger days and Adam was probably out smoking behind the school. There are spontaneous dance numbers, brutal murders, and some pretty obvious connections to Todd & the Book of Pure Evil. What more could you ask for? It's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 40: Ticks (1993)

You kids and your suburban problems. You know what you need? A trip to the woods to rough it a little. Nevermind the pervy locals and weed-crazed bugs, you just need a change of scenery. Who's ready to grill? The guys are discussing 1993's gooey giant bloodsucking bug flick Ticks this week, and all of the burning marijuana plants and extreme close-ups of Clint Howard push Matt, Adam and Scott to the brink of sanity. Lose your mind on another installment of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 39: The St. Francisville Experiment (2000)

Do you have a crappy handheld camera and vague reason for believing in ghosts? Of course you do! Bring your lace choker and bad haircuts as we subject ourselves to 2000's The St. Francisville Experiment. Matt and Adam wonder why Scott advocated for this listener pick, and Scott spends most of the episode apologizing for it. We hope you're not scared of farts, because they're in abundance on this week's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 38: The Brain (1987)

All right, ya hosers, it's time to tighten that grip on your hockey sticks and Molsons, because the guys are traversing the wrinkles in the script of 1988's Canadian sci-fi horror romp The Brain! Ironically, Adam hates the fruit of his country's labors (well, maybe not that ironic, he hates everything), but at least Matt and Scott have some glowing praise for this low-budget, alien-filled car chase. The guys suggest crowd-funding the last $5 for The Brain's budget, so bring your loonies to Horror Movie Night!

Episode 37: Blood Diner (1987)

What would you do if a brain in a jar was calling the shots? You'd open a vegetarian cafe that actually serves the ground-up flesh of your victims. This week, the guys wade through various limbs and bodily fluids in search of something worthwhile in 1987's Blood Diner. This Troma reject gets the deluxe treatment, and then the guys go their separate ways to shower in bleach. Don't order the pea soup, it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 36: Evilspeak (1981)

Ever wondered what Mean Girls would be like if it the genders were switched, it took place in 1980 and the Mathletes are swapped for a satanic computer program? Of course you did, and for your mental troubles, we decided to discuss Evilspeak, starring the one and only Clint Howard. Get ready to compare 3 1/2 inch floppies in the shower, it's Horror Movie Night!

 

 

Episode 35: Leprechaun 3 (1995)

The luck of the Irish totally snubbed Adam this week, and instead of watching 1995's evil munchkin-fest Leprechaun 3, he watched the original and then overslept. Matt and Scott snagged his missing shilling, picked up a hitchhiking magician's assistant and hit the jenkiest place on the Strip. Shitty limericks abound and the guys try their best to be witty without Adam's unique perspective on all things potato-and-booze related. In the words of Vince Vaughn - it's Horror Movie Night, baby... Horror Movie Night!

 

Episode 34 : Tourist Trap (1979)

It's time to pack up your bathing suits, beach hats and beer money, cuz we're heading to SPRING BREAK WOOO with this week's pick, 1979's cult classic Tourist Trap! We are joined by Brian Burger (of Jennifer Help Us fame) and everyone but Adam has a blast talking about screaming mannequin heads, murderous mannequin bodies and sexy mannequin singing. Let's hit the ol' swimmin' hole while its geriatric owner pervs on us, it's Horror Movie Night!

 

 

Episode 33 : The People Under the Stairs (1991)

Hey all you PUTSes (that's short for People Under the Stairs...es), no need to fight over the scraps of human flesh thrown to you by your gross incest-y captors, cuz this week we're discussing YOU! The guys get lost and moderately uncomfortable in the walls of the house Wes Craven built in the early 90s after reading the Boyz n the Hood script, but they somehow make it out to tell the tale - though they may never sell Boy Scout Cookies again. Cut out your tongue, cuz there's no talking during Horror Movie Night!

 

 

Episode 32: Pumpkinhead: The Demon of Revenge (1989)

Apparently, the guys didn't get enough backwater horror with their previous discussion of Jug Face, so they decided to rewatch 1988's alien-in-the-woods-no-wait-it's-a-demon-in-the-woods creature feature Pumpkinhead! Adam yells a lot while Matt and Scott commiserate on the first-class cinematography. Grab your dirt bikes, it's time to run some kids over on Horror Movie Night!

 

Episode 31: Valentine (2000)

It's that time of year again - the leaves are changing, the birds are chirping, your nose is bleeding whenever your crush is nearby... Ah, love. What a wondrous thing! It fills your heart with poorly-aimed arrows and your stomach with maggoty chocolates. This week, the guys get all hot and bothered with 2000's, so fire up the hot tub and put on your bikini, cuz it's gonna get sweaty - it's Horror Movie Night!

 

 

Episode 30: Waxwork 2 - Lost in Time (1992)

Velcum back to zee Vaxverk! Get rebirthed and listen to the guys discuss the insanity of Waxwork II: Lost in Time, replete with Bruce Campbell's torso, the entire film's budget blown on the Alien scenes, My Cousin Vinny's Reanimated Hand, and the infamous Waxwork rap. Time Warriors unite, it's Horror Movie Night!

 

 

Episode 29: Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995)

We hope you're hungry, because this week we're chewing scene after scene with Billy Zane in 1995's horror comedy (?) Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight! Adam picked this one on a friend's suggestion, and now has one less friend; Matt and Scott do their best William Sadler impressions, and more disturbing light is shed on Scott's morning habits. Grab your flask of Jesus blood, it's time for another Horror Movie (Demon) Night!

 

Episode 28: House (1986)

We hope your full metal jacket is polished and ready, because this week, we dive into the stupidest-looking jungle behind our dead aunt's pool to discuss 1986's HOUSE! There are used Hellraiser props, flying garden tools, babysitting hijinks and a couple dudes with questionable employment decisions to talk about. Believe it or not, it's another episode of Horror Movie Night!

 

 

Episode 27: Monster High (1989)

The end of the world won't come in the form of Rick Moranis, but actually a guy in a sparkly trenchcoat sporting extreme coke nails and a penchant for underaged girls. Which is funny, because watching 1989's Monster High would make even the biggest horror fanatic wish for planetary destruction, just so they wouldn't have to finish it. Lucky for you, we watched it and are here as a cautionary tale. Bring your rolling papers for the monstrous weed plant and your Apple II to replace your dead pal's head, we're playing the Basketball Game of the Millennium on this week's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 26: Vamp (1986)

Picture this: you and your best bro (and the rich geek you talked into driving) are hanging out in a seedy strip club, trying to pick up a lady of the night to take back to the frat house for a party. Through the sea of writhing bodies, stale booze and impermeable shame, you see Grace Jones do the most inhuman, bloodless interpretive dance on stage. You must have her. Forget the hot girl you kissed in junior high! Grace Jones or GTFO! This is the plot of 1986's horror comedy Vamp, so turn off your brains and let the body fluids flow as the guys discuss vampire mythos, 80s racial stereotypes and poorly-pronounced stripper names - it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 25: The Final Girls (2015)

Are you ready to relive the murders of everything you love? You are? Well then you're ready to give a long, hard listen to our somewhat spoiler-free discussion of 2015's killer camp homage flick "The Final Girls!" What started as a short episode (due to the aforementioned lack of spoilers) took more turns into strange territory than a couple of horny counselors looking to bump uglies. Leave your smartphone at home, so as to not confuse the 80s characters, cuz we're heading to Camp Bloodbath on this episode of Horror Movie Night!ral.

2015

Episode 24: Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 5: Toy Story (1991)

On this special (in the worst possible way) episode of Horror Movie Night, we give in to Matt's pleading and discuss Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Master! We collectively worry that Micky Rooney's blood sugar level was way too low throughout the filming of this movie, and mourn for Clint Howard's unintentionally auspicious acting career. It's Christmastime, spend it with the father of your bastard child (who moonlights as a mall Santa) and fight off the terrifying trinkets surrounding your bed, it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 23: Zardoz (1974)

We hope your god pukes guns and your beef jerky mankini is all shined up, because it's time to discuss the absolute insanity of ZARDOZ! The guys have mixed feelings about Sean Connery's boner powers and the questionable decisions made by everyone involved in this production, and need to work through a couple things. Join us in the Vortex for another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 22: Slumber Party Massacre 2 (1987)

What better way to spend the weekend with your bandmates/b-fries than ruining a condo and being pursued by a guy with the most wildly impractical murder weapon imaginable? This week, the guys break open the junk food and cheap champagne to discuss 1987's tongue-in-cheek slasher Slumber Party Massacre II! It's a toe-tapper, just make sure you're wearing shoes, because that carpet is just filthy... It's Horror Movie Night!

 

Episode 21: Tusk (2014)

Dust off your parka and grow out your handlebar mustache, the guys are taking you on a one-way trip to Canadia for this week's discussion - Kevin Smith's Tusk! If you squint real hard, you might be able to see Russia, but you'll never find any value in this film. Our guest Kannon tries to change our minds and we try to change his... Who will triumph and who will be die of human/walrus stab wounds? Find out on this week's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 20: Spookies (1986)

Leave your logic at the door and don't forget to wipe your feet, cuz this week we're discussing Spookies! From the worst birthday surprises to farting muck men, there was a lot of WTF to cover, but Matt kept Scott and Adam from wandering too far into the spookiest house of horrors 1986 cinema could muster. Grab the Beano, it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 19: Creepshow 2 (1987)

This week, the guys made the mistake of rewatching Creepshow 2. Adam and Scott were severely underwhelmed with an adult viewing of The Raft, and let their guest Kannon know it, while Matt did his best to keep the discussion from derailing even more. Get out the costume adhesive and glue a latex scrotum to your chin, it’s Horror Movie Night!

Episode 18: Spaced Invaders (1990)

Happy Halloween from the HMN crew! As a special surprise, Matt forced Scott and Adam to watch one of his favorite Halloween films, Spaced Invaders. We don't want to spoil the fun, but Scott and Adam were less than pleased with this turn of events. Dust off your Martian bomber jacket and practice up on your best pop culture voice impressions, it's time to blow this turd up!

Episode 17: Poltergeist 3 (1988)

If you haven't seen Poltergeist 3 yet, prepare to get carol anne'd. We took one for the team and discussed this steaming pile of carol anne, which led to much carol anneing by all parties involved. The in-camera effects were cool, but can they save this movie from an icy carol anne? Join us for another carol anne and find out on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 16: Trick or Treat (1986)

Get ready to lay down your souls to the gods rock and roll, cuz this week the guys are discussing 1986’s Trick Or Treat! Watch as the slightly-menacing heavy metal singer Sammi Curr unveils his plot to…do something from beyond the grave (we aren’t quite sure what, really). Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne make their respective appearances, and probably have spent the last 29 years regretting not taking the lead role of this masterpiece. Join us for another installment of Horror Movie Night - if you have ears, ya dildo!

Episode 15: Lifeforce (1985)

Don’t put your clothes back on yet, you have 7 more minutes of screen time in Tobe Hooper’s expensive flop Life Force! Adam and Scott lose their minds to the space vampires, while Matt pushes up his glasses and focuses on the facts. The robot from Rocky also makes an appearance, because why not? It’s Horror Movie Night!

Episode 14: The Ruins (2008)

Grab the sunscreen and a couple barrels of Roundup, we’re heading to The Ruins! While none of the guys can find anything nice to say about the characters, they do make you feel good about watching plants eat people. Hope you have the tequila ready, it’s Horror Movie Night!

Episode 13: Whatever Happened to Baby Jane (1962)

Well, I do dee-clay-uh! This week we are discussing the Bette Davis/Joan Crawford cult classic Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. Adam and Scott are surprisingly receptive to Matt’s choice of black and white suspense movies, so neither were tied up and incapacitated in their bedrooms after the podcast. Everyone’s pet birds made it out alive too, so we’re going to consider this episode of Horror Movie Night a success!

 

Episode 12: Evil Dead (2013)

Better go into this one on an empty stomach, cuz this week’s discussion is Evil Dead 2013! One of us loses an eye, another loses an arm, and all of us lose our self-respect as we detox in the woods with Mia & company. If you ignore all warnings, including dead cats and scribbled alerts that reading the creepy book you found in the basement will turn all of your friends into fleshbags for murderous demons, you’ll fit right in on this week’s Horror Movie Night!

Episode 11: Jennifer's Body (2009)

Ever wonder if the pretty girls in high school were actually evil? Well, grab your favorite Jell-O (lime), put on your favorite record (Low Shoulder) and shine up your favorite utility knife, cuz the boys are discussing Jennifer’s Body and have the answer! Scott finds himself eating lunch alone again, Adam wants to give Diablo Cody a swirly, and Matt’s just here for the soundtrack. Sing along to some omnipresent radio rock and hold a candlelight vigil - we’re back for another Horror Movie Night!

Episode 10: Night of the Creeps (1986)

Close your mouth and open your ears, cuz this week’s discussion is Night of the Creeps! Our guest Don waxes poetic about houseboats and his future robot upgrades, while Adam realizes he has handicap blindness. Zombified douchbags in tuxes, reanimated axe murderers, and the cop from Dr. Giggles make an appearance, so leave your human brains (they’re for a project) in the basement and join us for Horror Movie Night!

Episode 9: Jug Face (2013)

This week, the gang delves into the backwater horrors of pit monsters, traditional inbreeding techniques, square-dancing and pottery. Listen in amazement to our guest Kanon’s insightful musings and hatred of incest babies! There’s also discussions of Old Testament angels and demons, mispronounced names and a lot of uncomfortable laughter. Ok, maybe it’s comfortable but don’t judge us. It’s another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 8: Monkey Shines (1988)

The guys dive into the bizarre world of Monkey Shines, a movie filled with more quadriplegic sex, adorable monkeys and green brain serum than you can shake a dead bird at. Scott is infuriated that Matt and Adam weren't head over heels for his "favorite George Romero film."

Episode 7: Odd Thomas (2013)

This week’s discussion is Odd Thomas, which brings us to ponder second-rate horror novelists, nu-metal tattoos and ghost sex. Matt has never hated a pick this much, while Adam and Scott just like to overtalk each other. There are more tangents than Bodachs in Odd’s town, so get your ice cream ready for another installment of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 6: Piranha (2010)

Come down to lake Havasu and crack a brew with us because this week we're talking Piranha 3D. Wet Shirts, Trip McNeely's penis, Eli Roth getting his face smashed in by a boat and Richard Dreyfuss reprising his role of Matt Hooper are just SOME of the reasons to love this bat-shit movie from 2010. Adam regrets picking this movie while Matt and Scott geek out over everything from Christopher Lloyd's over acting and how hot Elizabeth Shue (and Ving Rhames) still is.

Episode 5: Frailty (2001)

This episode of Horror Movie Night transports us back to the fantastic world of 2002, when Matthew McConaughey’s career was on fire, Bill Paxton was making housewives quiver, and the abundance of boy bands was a sign of the end-times. Our guest Rich barely gets a word in edgewise and adds us to his God’s Hand Killer list of naughty children; we discuss where we would like those magic hands to be placed. Listen to Horror Movie Night - it’s God’s will!

Episode 4: DR GIGGLES (1992)

In this episode of Horror Movie Night, we watch and discuss 1993’s slashfest Dr. Giggles. Matt laughs harder than he has since he gave Scott a physical, and Adam is so disappointed with his first viewing of Dr. Giggles he eats a half gallon of ice cream; luckily, Matt has his vintage stomach pump handy. Also, listen for a shocking revelation about Dr. Giggle’s connection to another popular horror franchise, and how he drives cops to the bottle in the process.

Episode 3: Videodrome

Adam has gone to Pittsburg to audition for some weird late night snuff show, but while he was gone Matt and Scott watched Videodrome. Joining us this week is Alison who not only picked the film but is also Canadian so perhaps she can explain to us why Canadian horror movies are so fucking weird. Either way, LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH!

Episode 2: Waxwork

Velcum to Da Vaxvoooooorrrrrkk!!!!!!

In this episode of Horror Movie Night, Scott desperately pours water out of the boat while everyone pokes holes in it, Adam reads six hours of useless notes, and Matt remembers a third of the movie. Thrills, chills and tangents abound - would you like a closer look?

Episode 1: Wolfcop

On the debut episode of Horror Movie Night, we discuss the Canadian Werewolf Horror/Comedy WolfCop. Adam (who last year championed this movie as one of the best he’s seen in a while) is deeply disappointed on his second watch, Scott still loves the film (although he only watched 2/3 of it this time around) and Matt is completely neutral.

Retroactive Bonus Episodes

Retroactive Episode 8: Frankenstein's Army (2013)

"There's no way they could do back-to-back Nazi zombie movie episodes....right?" WRONG. Get your surgical equipment and bullshit swastika armband back out, because the guys at HMN have another Nazi zombie flick to discuss this week, with a retroactive look back at 2013's surprisingly not terrible Frankenstein's Army. If you're like us (well, Matt and Scott, at least), then you spent a good chunk of your prepubescent days splattering Hitler-loving monsters in the classic PC shooter Wolfenstein 3-D. This film is basically that, but with better graphics. You're either going to enjoy it or be bored out of your skull, so no further explanation is necessary here. Someone get Ron Perlman on the phone and see if he wants to come bust some goose-stepping ghouls on this week's (retroactive) episode of Horror Movie Night!

Retroactive Episode 7: Dead Snow 2 - Red vs. Dead (2014)

It's the middle of the summer, so let's cool off with a movie about partially-thawed Nazi zombies. You read that right, we actually at one time discussed Dead Snow 2: Red vs Dead (2014) and dug it out of its frosty tomb for a retroactive episode. We don't remember much about this conversation, or the movie for that matter, but rest assured, we had some stuff to complain about as always. Get ready to do it with a dead girl while enjoying the 2-packs-a-day stylings of Bonnie Tyler on this retroactive episode of Horror Movie Night!

Retroactive Episode 6: Phantom of the Paradise (1974)

This week, the guys are digging an oldie but goodie out of the archives and watching from the rafters as their past selves discuss Brian De Palma's inimitable 1974 rock opera Phantom of the Paradise! If you've followed the show in any capacity, odds are you've heard this film brought up at least once, and here is the seed of HMN's collective obsession. Fall in love with Plain Jane, get your teeth knocked out, your voicebox smashed and your face horribly disfigured by a record press, then try to foil your abuser's sexy plot on this week's retroactive episode of Horror Movie Night!

Retroactive Episode 5: Horns (2013)

Well folks, it's time to dredge up the sins of the past with another retroactive episode of Horror Movie Night. This one takes us back to Stephen King's, er, Joe Hill's cinematically adapted (and eviscerated) Horns. Harry Potter fans died inside just about as much as we did while watching this one, and our fury is similar in scope and depth as Daniel Heathcliff's character here, who one day wakes up with hard protrusions he can't explain. Sounds a lot like every morning for the HMN guys...

Retroactive Episode 4: Alligator (1980)

Let's travel back to the gilded age of big hair, clock radio bombs and world-class pillow talk... no, not the 1980s, just the time we talked about 1980s killer pet flick ALLIGATOR! We've referenced this discussion enough that it finally warrants its own retroactive episode. Matt's love of this movie (and fear of dressing up as a pirate to pool parties) is infectious and his lines are smooth. Give it up on your childhood bed for this retroactive episode of Horror Movie Night!

Retroactive Episode 3: Red, White and Blue (2010)

Hopefully you've bathed recently, because this film is going to make you feel dirty. A while back, the boys discussed Red White & Blue with guest picker Aubrie, and for once, Scott wasn't the bad cop! You're going to need your revenge served up with a heaping dose of penicillin - it's Horror Movie Night!

Retroactive Episode 2: Puppet Master III

In our second Retroactive Bonus Episode, we take you back to the magical night that Matt and Scott hung out in person and called Adam to discuss leech vomit, puppet powers, Toulon’s terrible anniversary gifts, and sexy Nazis… That’s right, we discussed 1991’s Full Moon release Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge! Listen for the origin of most of our current in-jokes, details on Matt’s kill room, and what Scott’s wife sees every time he watches HMN picks.

Retroactive Episode 1: House (1977)

In our first Retroactive Bonus Episode we travel back to this past winter when we had to discuss Hausu (aka House from 1977) for Reddit Horror Club. Adam precedes to tell us a non-fiction story of taking a friend to see Hausu in a theater. I hope you all enjoy it!

Mailbag Episodes

Mailbag Episode 4: Good News Is Your Dates Are Here....

Hey Guys, It's been a while. Let's open about 6 months worth of fan mail!

Mailbag Episode 3 We're Not Terrible

Holy Bonus Episode Batman!

The trio sits down and reads a few emails for listeners letting us know that we're not as terrible as we think we are. I'm not sure how it happens but we end up on a long tangent about movies Matt forced people to watch in college.

Mailbag Episode 2: Christmas Round Up

We're back with another Mailbag episode. We read some letters about Christmas favorites, answer a question about our origins and then share the cool shit we got for Christmas. We will be back Saturday with a brand new movie review!

Mailbag Episode 1: Video Store Memories

In this first mailbag episode the gang takes letters about Bette Davis, movie suggestions and remember their days in the video store horror section.

Saturday Nightmares Episodes

Saturday Nightmares Episode 1: Goosebumps The Haunted Mask

Happy Halloween From Horror Movie Night!

This year we wanted to celebrate with a bonus episode of our new series Saturday Nightmares! If we achieve our Patreon goal this will be one of two monthly bonus shows. Saturday Nightmares finds Matt, Adam and Scott discussing episodes of children horror shows from the 90's.

We kick off the new series with the Halloween-centric debut episode of Goosebumps "The Haunted Mask"

HMN Trivia Contestant Episodes

HMN Trivia Contestant Volume 1

Happy New Year! Enjoy our first bonus episode of 2017 where we have a battle of wits to determine who knows the most horror trivia. Hosted by Meghan!

Bonus Episodes

Bonus Episode: Matt Talks to Heidi of 2005's Serial

At San Diego Comic Con I sat down with my friend Heidi Cox and discussed the film Serial from 2005. It's impossible to see but we're gonna try to fix that because the film is a bad movie on the level of Birdemic and the Room. Heidi was on set for a minor role as a secretary. We are also joined by Jonathan London's additional commentary.

Stick around for a post-closing credits interview with Ben from SyFy Channel

Bonus Episode: Matt talks to Jeff from Scream Factory at San Diego Comic Con 2017

Matt grabbed an interview with Jeff of Scream Factory immediately following their DVD release announcements panel. Check out some of the cool titles coming to Scream Factory to wrap up the year!

Bonus Mini-Episode - Matt talks to the Monster Squad

While at Wizard World Matt grabbed a quick chat with Ryan and Andre of Monster Squad and Squadcast. Beyond that He also shares a quick story about meeting Chuck Russell (The Blob, NOES3 Dream Warriors) and how he has no issue killing children in movies.

Live at Monster Mania

This past weekend Scott and Matt attended Monster Mania 36 and while we were there decided to record some content. We talk about the convention, interview a girl who made the walrus suit for Tusk and go on Facebook Live. We answer some of your questions on Facebook Live covering such topics as "What would we cosplay as", "Favorite John Cusack movie" and "what horror movie would we turn into a musical". You can only find the answers by listening!

HMN Podcast the Best of Episodes

HMN Podcast: Best of Year 2

It's July 5th which means we're officially 2 years old. Check out this collection of some of our favorite moments between episode 41 and 90.

HMN Podcast Best of Year 1

Today is the one year anniversary of Horror Movie Night, and what better way to celebrate than to frankenstein some of the best moments from past year into a supercut of embarrassment, drunkenness and awkward shouting?! If you're new to the podcast, this is your chance to learn the inside jokes and strange mannerisms of your hosts without slogging through 50 episodes. Sit back, crack a cold one and assume the position - it's Horror Movie Night's first bday!

In Theaters Now

In Theaters Now: IT (2017)

In this bonus episode the trio discusses 2017's IT with our friend Katie. This is currently in theaters and we talk heavy spoilers so be warned before listening.