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Episode 266: Crawlspace (1986)
We're not HVAC guys, but we're pretty sure most apartment buildings don't have air ducts big enough for a full-grown man to skateboard on his stomach through, and yet, here we are, watching THE Klaus Kinski do just that. We're talking CRAWLSPACE (1986) this week, and are joined by Joey Pettine of the fantastic Dark Hills Events; Dark Hills is a horror live action roleplaying company that creates immersive events where you get to try surviving your favorite horror movies! He's also a great guy and friend of the show, and has an odd love for Klaus Kinski, the once-great Nosferatu in Werner Herzog's adaptation... who plays a Nazi scientist who kills his tenants in order to feel alive in this movie. It's a weird one for sure!
Episode 265: My Mom's a Werewolf (1988)
Why, listeners... why do you torment us with these garbage movies? I guess it's partially our fault for choosing this from the submissions, but we're not very good at taking responsibility for our lives and so we're going to heap the blame on you as we talk about the painfully boring MY MOM'S A WEREWOLF (1989), starring a toe-sucking, hairy-backed John Saxon! We're joined this week by 91 Donkey Lane cohost and comedian Robert Bacon, who for some reason decided not to bring an enchanted bauble to alleviate the pain of watching this movie, but at least he's funny (and doesn't look like an incel, we promise). If most werewolf movies are puberty analogies, this must be a menopause analogy, but that part of the script may have been lost.
Episode 264: Rumplestiltskin (1995)
Hey! Do you like the Leprechaun movies? You do? Cool, you still probably won't enjoy this week's pick, 1995's pointless RUMPLESTILTSKIN! But at least we have our good friend Steven Bay of Analog Jones & the Temple of Film fame with us to talk about small killers, obsessions with dead media, and how he's marrying someone who loves GREASE 2. Rev your motorcycle engine, cuz Rumplestiltskin is a coooooooooool rider!
Episode 263: Monster in the Closet (1987)
Another week, another obscure "Troma Presents" movie picked by Matt - this time, it's the inextricable MONSTER IN THE CLOSET (1986)! We couldn't get enough of young Paul Walker during TAMMY & THE T-REX, so we took a deeper dive with this one, in which a rubber suit monster with no backstory falls in love with K-Mart Clark Kent and dies trying to find a closet in which to consummate its desires. Think we're joking? Listen and find out!
Episode 261: Nightmare at Noon (1987)
Talk about false advertisement, this week's movie neither occurs strictly at noon, nor is it a true nightmare (except to 2 of your hosts' frayed nerves/patience), but here we are discussion the most Cannon Films film that was decided not a Cannon film: NIGHTMARE AT NOON (1988). It's got green-blooded crazy rednecks, a ton of explosions, and one of the Replicants from Bladerunner so.... shrug
Episode 260: Body Parts (1991)
Another week, another tale of orphaned limbs and the trouble the little scamps can get themselves into! The Jeff Fahey/Brad Dourif double date known as BODY PARTS (1991) is an oddly-paced and just overall weird movie, so you know it generated some interesting conversation for your hosts. Who cares if it's summer, Jeff Fahey says it's TURTLENECK WEATHER!
Episode 259: Bride of the Re-Animator (1990)
Things we love: Jeffrey Combs, Frankenstein ripoffs, and ridiculous practical effects, so it seemed like it was time to get down on one knee for the over-the-top BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR (1990)! We had previously done a Patreon bonus about this movie, but it's so fun to watch and discuss, we had to revisit it for the main feed. As May's mom said, "if you can't find a friend, make one."
Episode 258: Devil Times Five (1974)
Nobody really thinks creepy kid movies work anymore, right? See that, Brian? Your decision to subject us to DEVIL TIMES FIVE, aka PEOPLE TOYS (1974) was a fool's errand, like trying to seduce a mentally-handicapped giant of a man while wearing sexy negligee… Or so we learned watching this week's movie. It's bad, so we have a couple things to say about it.
Episode 257: Child's Play 3 (1991)
Just when you thought it was safe to recycle the plastic from a supernaturally-possessed doll with a creepy smile, surprise idiot! More Chucky! This week's victim is CHILD'S PLAY 3 (1991) - it's a killer toy movie, so of course Matt picked it. Brad Dourif gives it his all as usual, so we do our best to keep up!
Episode 256: Deep Rising (1998)
We couldn't get enough of the cast of LORD OF ILLUSIONS, so we took a dive into the briny blue in search of slimy horror treasure with 1998's DEEP RISING! Packed to the gills with Famke Jannsen, the guy who played her creepy husband (?) in LOI, K-Mart Jeff Fahey (Treat Williams), Nick Nolte's body double (Anthony Heald), and a ton of awful CGI, you know we're swimming in bad jokes and wordplay. Dip your toe in (that's for the Tarantino's out there, wink), the water's fine!
Episode 255: Planet of the Vampires (1965)
Once again, like the captain of Mario Bava's doomed spaceship, one of the show hosts has led his compatriots astray and he may not live to see another episode... Brian subjected us to the painfully stupid PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES (1965) which really has no vampires to speak of. This is definitely Colin Robinson's favorite movie to show his victims when he brings them back to the crib on Staten Island. Damn you, Brian!!
Episode 254: Jaws 3-D (1983)
Have you ever looked at a shark… in 3-D… on weeeeeed?? Well, today is your lucky day, as the boys are suffering through ANOTHER killer shark movie (thanks Matt), and their pain is your pleasure. JAWS 3-D (1983) is a serious pile of garbage, and we give it the dressing-down it deserves while working on our sexy tanlines. Don't be jealous, just grab the sunscreen and make sure to apply a healthy dose to our toned bodies.
Episode 253: From Dusk Til Dawn (1996)
We know how many of you foot fetishists listen to our show, and we want to support your kinks, so here's a Tarantino movie about hot vampires feeding you toe-quila, you dirty pervs. That's right, Scott of all people picked the one and only FROM DUSK TILL DAWN (1996) for the boys to discuss this week. Someone tweet at Savini and tell him we respect him as an ac-torr. Well, don't actually do that.
Episode 252: Nightbeast (1982)
Somewhere, someone greenlit a movie about an alien that shoots lasers at people at all hours of the day, but for some reason gave it the name NIGHTBEAST (1982). It is neither an actual beast, nor does it only attack at night, plus there's a random subplot of a murderous biker (on top of the scientist cardboard cutouts trying to stop the titular creature). This movie is a mess, so you get one guess as to which of your hosts chose it...
Episode 251: Horror of Party Beach (1964)
Surf's up, it's time to KILL! Oh, and also get down to some sweet tunes on the sand with greasers wearing turtlenecks and leather jackets for some reason. We're talking the notorious HORROR OF PARTY BEACH (1964), replete with a beach band in matching outfits, a sock-free sockhop, mutated sea monsters, and the same boring scientists giving boring exposition to pad the runtime that you know and love from every drive-in movie ever! Get some sunscreen, it's gonna be a hot one.
Episode 250: Freaked (1993)
Matt has waited 5 years to finally discuss one of his all-time favorite movies on HMN, and his cohosts are more than happy to revisit the insane FREAKED (1993)! The Kelly boys grew up on this over-the-top Alex Winter monsterpiece, and Matt insisted Scott watch it almost as soon as the two of them got to know one another. Thanks to everyone who has enjoyed the show over the last 249 episodes, we can't wait to make you laugh, scream and groan for another 250!
Episode 249: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
Any other year, we would be knee deep in corsages, tulle, hairspray and prophylactics right about now (aka prom season), but a pandemic can be a real cockblock. So, to either soothe or further irritate that disappointment, we're talking a great prom-ish flick, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (1993). This movie really needs no introduction, so just listen to the episode and quote along with us!
Episode 248: Strangeland (1998)
1998 was a weird time; so weird that Dee Snider somehow got funding to make a spiritual successor to REEFER MADNESS, but instead of the dangers of weed, have it be about the dangers of body modification. If you weren't aware yet, this film is the inimitable STRANGELAND... Brian's picks are bewildering, and this one is no exception, so strap in for bad tribal tattoos, suspensions, dick mods, nu metal and a hard-boiled cop story. Seriously, these are all things this movie leans heavily into.
Episode 247: Piranha II - The Spawning (1981)
Just when you thought it was safe to have scuba sex in a sunken cargo ship...If last week's discussion didn't get you wet, this week's might - along with chomping on your soft throatie bits because we're talking flying mutant piranhas (seriously) with PIRANHA 2: THE SPAWNING! This film is touted by James "Avatar" Cameron as the best flying killer fish movie of all time, and we're not here to argue that claim. Death to pescatarians!
Episode 246: Blood Hook (1981)
The weather's getting nicer by the day, and that means one thing... it's fishing season in Wisconsin! At least, we guess it is; this really isn't an area of expertise for any of us, but we're banking on this week's movie as a beacon of fact and reality, 1986's ridiculous BLOOD HOOK. How many ways can a killer fisherman murder people with a gigantic floating hook? Not that many, if you can believe it. Whatever, get your life jacket and strap in for the same song to play continuously for 110 minutes of your life!
Episode 245: Werewolves on Wheels (1971)
Brian's love of bad 70s exploitation/horror is well-known on the show, and this week he subjected his unsuspecting cohosts to 1971's WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS! There's a lot of riding motorcycles while intoxicated (tsk tsk) and satanic rituals, but not much actual werewolf action. Join us as we scratch our collective head at this weird movie, which Brian has NO shame about choosing!
Episode 244: Alligator II: The Mutation (1991)
You flushed it, but this shit came back for more... See, we should be the ones writing taglines for mediocre sequels to beloved b-horror movies! It's another Matt pick, so of course he went for a killer animal movie, and since we've already done ALLIGATOR (1980), he chose ALLIGATOR II: THE MUTATATION (1991). This meh retread of the first film lacks the charm of the original, but it gave us a chance to think back fondly on how good its source material was. The movie might not be memorable, but our discussion is, since we have our boy Kyle Kuchta on to keep the cold-blooded comedy flowing!
Episode 243: House on Haunted Hill (1999)
Another week, another Famke Janssen lead role, this time in Dark Castle's remake of the William Castle/Vincent Price classic HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL (1999)! This was discussed way back in the Reddit Horror Club days, so Scott decided it was time to bring in into the HMN library, much to Brian's dismay. Sure, the CGI is bad, Chris Kattan is annoying, and it's not nearly as good of a movie as the original, but it's got Jeffy Combs as a psychotic ghost doctor, Geoffrey Rush channeling Vincent Price through John Waters, and some amazingly surreal visuals. Oh, and Marilyn Manson's cover of Sweet Dreams. It's unacceptable that Brian didn't love this film. Unacceptable!
Episode 242: Lord of Illusions (1995)
Clive Barker, the OG Leather Daddy of horror. The creator of one of the greatest antagonists in modern horror (Pinhead, duh). He also wrote an entire movie about a 9ft tall dick with teeth, so what we're saying is, his cinematic escapades are a bit uneven. In weaker column, we have this week's pick, MASTER OF ILLUSIONS, starring that guy from Quantum Leap and the police chief from Super Troopers. Oh, and Famke Janssen. There's something about a doomsday cult, magicians, and some spectacularly bad CGI. Just don't call them tricks, Dad.
Episode 241: Arachnophobia (1990)
Some people are scared of serial killers, some of ghosts, even others of aliens that steal your head (The Borrower is so underrated). But what about the people who fear a much more common antagonist? What if you have ARACHNOPHOBIA? Well, first you invite Julian Sands over as bait, then you get John Goodman to help clean up the murderous pests while suggesting house repairs. This one made your hosts feel a little itchy, hopefully you feel it too. We just wanted to share in the bother!
Episode 240: Tammy & the T-Rex (1993)
It's the classic story: boy meets girl, boy gets his brain transplanted into a robotic t-rex, boy rips off a lot of heads, girl saves boy's brain from t-rex and then does a sexy dance as credits roll. TAMMY & THE T-REX truly has it all! If there's one thing Scott loves more than anything in horror movies, it's head trauma, so when Vinegar Syndrome announced its gore cut, you know it went right on the list. It's as nuts as it sounds and you NEED to watch it!
Episode 239: Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993)
Brian finally faced his fears and picked a movie he actually likes, even though he's terrified of defending it against Matt and Scott… The hill he chose to die on this week? PUMPKINHEAD ll: BLOOD WINGS, which really wasn't too bad anyway, but if you listen to the show, you understand how Brian's mind works. While the plot is a bit of a departure from the original, they show off the awesome practical effects and Pumpkinhead suit as often as they can, so it was definitely worth the watch (and discussion)!
Episode 238: Psycho Cop Returns (1993)
We had such a good time discussing INVISIBLE MANIAC a few years back, why not dive into another questionable Adam Rifkin movie? We've made worse decisions than watching 1993's PSYCHO COP RETURNS, so To our credit, we didn't even know he left, but he's back to make puns and stare at buns. Oh, and kill as many people as possible for no apparent reason. He's also apparently a Satanist? Who cares, this plot is a mess… Come with us as we clean up the streets on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 237: Cannibal the Musical! (1993)
Wrapping up our Horror Musicals month, we decided to go with the Trey Parker college project CANNIBAL! THE MUSICAL, and it was as big of a mistake as trying to cross Donner Pass in the middle of winter. Brian got hungry and Scott got eaten first because he's the gym rat of the show (which isn't saying much), but at least the meat was organic. The Kelly boys' musical numbers weren't quite shpadoinkal, but when you're starving for a tune, you take what you can get.
Episode 236: Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
You had to have known this was coming: we find ourselves somewhere that's green with the beloved LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS (1986)! The tangents grow like weeds, the accents bloom left and right, and you KNOW we bust out a couple bars ourselves as we gush over this perfect film. On this glorious day, we are ALL Seymour Krelborn.
Episode 235: Tenacious D - The Pick of Destiny (2006)
Week 2 of our Horror Musicals month, and we're shredding the dick and fart joke bomb that is TENACIOUS D: PICK OF DESTINY, picked by none other than Brian! Less horror than last week's SHOCK TREATMENT, and with less entertaining music but more heavy metal stars, we struggle to stay on topic as usual, and argue the merits of acoustic rock (they are few). At least we get Tim Robbins' version of MCU Whiplash here, so that's a plus…
Episode 234: Shock Treatment (1981)
Your HMN hosts love their showtunes, and to prove it, we're spending a whole month talking nothing but horror musicals! The catalog is slim, but we'll make it work, so you won't find yourself bitchin' in the kitchen (or cryin' in the bedroom all night). Kicking it off, we're discussing SHOCK TREATMENT (1981), the sequel, we mean equal, to the much more well-known and beloved ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. Thank god we're men!
Episode 233: Mausoleum (1981)
Can a weird psychiatrist uncle(?) save his ex-Playboy Bunny niece from her demonic destiny, or will she devour her ex-child preacher husband with her hungry monster boobies? Find out this week as we discuss 1981's mob-funded feverdream MAUSOLEUM! It's truly as strange as it sounds, and if you haven't seen it, it is something that must be experienced at least once. Get ready for a lot of glowing green eyes and inexplicable plot points this week on Horror Movie Night!
Re-Rental: Tourist Trap
Brian didn't join the HMN crew until Episode 148. This means he missed a ton of great content of the first 100+ episodes so we are going to re-visit some of our favorites with him.
We're kicking it off with the classic Charles Band flick Tourist Trap. Scott and Matt are still huge fans but Brian isn't as convinced.
Mailbag Episode: Jaws 45th Anniversary Contest and 5 Star Reviews
We had a contest to let people win their own copy of the 4k Ultra release of the Jaws 45th Anniversary Edition. We asked people to email us their "Worst Day At the Beach" stories for a mailbag bonus episode and here we read the lucky winners emails!
Celebrate 45 years of Steven Spielberg's cinematic summer masterpiece with the JAWS 45th Anniversary Limited Edition! Available on 4K Ultra HD for the first time ever, this ultimate collector's edition is packed with over 3 hours of bonus content, including deleted scenes, outtakes and more. The limited edition Combo Pack with lenticular packaging also includes a 44-page booklet containing rare photos, storyboards and more from the archives. Own your copy now! #JAWS #JAWS45THANNIVERSARY
Talking Schlocky Horror with 80's icon Josie Cotton
Josie Cotton's career blew up in the early 80's with her poppy, tongue-in-cheek Go-Gos/Fear cover Johnny Are you Queer? The song lead to her appearing in the iconic 80's film Valley Girl as well as the underrated horror film Nomads. Being a long time fan of camp and drive-in movies she's released a new edition of 2007's Invasion of the B-Girls (featuring covers of classic horror theme songs) with the never before released cover of the Female Trouble theme song. Josie joins Matt today to discuss the album as well as her favorite bad horror movies, John Waters and the controversy of her famous song.
Bonus Episode (Formerly from Patreon): Teen Wolf (1985)
In our build to Episode 250/Memorial Day bonus episodes ... here's a Patreon episode we did on 1985's Teen Wolf a year ago. I'm still extremely proud of this episode.
Visit Patreon.com/HMNPodcast to join up for monthly bonus episodes and weekly additional content.
Matt Talks to We Summon the Darkness writer Alan Trezza
Matt was unable to see We Summon the Darkness when he attended Fantastic Fest in September but now that the film is coming to Streaming he was able to see the movie and talk to writer Alan Trezza about his Heavy Metal past that influenced this sure to be iconic Heavy Metal Horror.
In Theaters Now
In Theaters Now: Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019)
SPOILERS ALL OVER THE PLACE! DO NOT LISTEN UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN THE MOVIE! WE WARNED YOU!
The team and Katie checked out Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark which came out this weekend so you didn't have to and final verdict is you should see it and then listen to our episode!
Growing Up Kelly
HMN Podcast the Best of Episodes
HMN Podcast: Best of Year 5
It's no denying that the last 6 months have been extremely difficult and heavy but July 5th, 2020 is our 5 year podcasting anniversary. We would obviously love to be doing something more this year but as per usual we are still going to drop a retrospective of the best moments from Episodes 191-245.
When things calm, there's a vaccine and travel is safer we will give you all the love and more to ring in Year 6/Episode 300. Until then thank you for years of love and support. I Hope you enjoy these memories.
HMN Podcast Best of Year 1
Today is the one year anniversary of Horror Movie Night, and what better way to celebrate than to frankenstein some of the best moments from past year into a supercut of embarrassment, drunkenness and awkward shouting?! If you're new to the podcast, this is your chance to learn the inside jokes and strange mannerisms of your hosts without slogging through 50 episodes. Sit back, crack a cold one and assume the position - it's Horror Movie Night's first bday!