Adam

About

Life Synopsis

Adam "Toulon" O'Brien was born under a highway overpass on a dark night in June. The hobo community below said overpass raised him on a steady diet of cheap beer and canned beans. When he was 8, he fought a pack of wild dogs for a jizz-stained nudie mag and won. When he was 12, he became the first child in herstory to sit through the entire Alien Quadrilogy and enjoy it. He resides in Canada and his chosen mount is an albino moose named Kane Hodder.

Rants by Adam

Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

Freddy's dead and irony every second of this movie drips with irony. the acting is ironically bad, the jokes ironically unfunny. the kills ironically stupid, and the plot twist ironically ridiculous. the only reason to watch this movie is ironically with your ironic friends dressed in ironic t-shirts ironically drinking Pabst blue ribbon in your house with the ironic poster of Jim Morrison shirtless that you bought at a flea market that you only went to to be ironic.

So lets me add some sincerity into this evening: i UNironically wish this movie was personified to a human being so i could fill its shoes with concrete, put it in a car, tie its hands to the steering wheel, light it on fire and push it into a lake full of piranhas that are infected with the HPV virus. then i would ironically tip my stupid fucking fedora and walk away while in a gadda da vida played because it was all just a stupid ironic fucking dream sequence and you will never escape the hell that is this movie.

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Stay Alive

When your FX house can't do anything above PS2 level graphics do not despair, you can just write that bullshit into your script! Exhibit A: Stay Alive. So grab your alienware laptop, drive out to the middle of no where and try to play and online co-op multiplayer game from the back of a van in 2006 with us on horror movie night

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Lawnmower Man

alright and we'll put some shapes here, some numbers, maybe a little lighting effect. haha, sweet, PEW PEW Oh hi! i didn't see you there, my names Dick Fukhed, and i'm the creator of the virtual reality you see in LAWNMOWER MAN. After my work on Dire Straits music video "Money for nothing" i thought "what if human beings could live in that world? Wouldn't it be nightmarish?!" haha So with the help of my girlfriend, er, i mean lab monkey, i created that virtual reality! i hooked her in and she went on a kill crazy rampage. It was a pretty crazy time. If you'd like to hear more about the adventures of me and my fuck monkey, i mean girlfriend, i mean lab monkey, you can tune in today on horror movie night.

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Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

NOES 2: FREDDYS REVENGE Hello everybody, I'd like to start this weeks Horror Movie Night with a reading from a book that is very important to me, hold on a second: 'For there is a man inside me, and only when hes finally out can i walk free' Thats right, we're discussing NOES2: Freddys revenge. Maybe the most homoerotic movie of the eighties that isn't top gun. So join me, adam and scott as we dodge bird attacks, spend the night in each others rooms, and avoid every school bus we see. So go strap on your knife glove and hop in the pool because its horror movie night.

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