2018 Episodes

Episode 176: Batman Returns (1992)

It's the most wonderful(ly brazen capitalist) time of the year, and the HMN crew brought you something really special in their big red sack - Tim Burton's possibly best film and Brian's easiest Beetlejuice Connection ever, 1992's BATMAN RETURNS! If you don't like us doing our best Penguin and Catwoman impressions, keep scrolling, but if that's your thing, then strap in and get a cold shower ready, because Scott's Selina Kyle is oddly erotic. Tis the season for a Batman murder spree and we're the ones filing the police report this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 175: Dude Bro Party Massacre III (2015)

Crushing beers, negging girls into some dry humping, light hate crimes and possible vehicular manslaughter - the good ol' college days all white dudes yearn to relive! Except this time, THIS THIRD TIME, someone is killing all our bros in inventive ways! Who's going to help us do kegstands now?! It's a very DUDE BRO PARTY MASSACRE III day with your actual bros Matt and Brian and their not-actual bro Scott, and you know we're just itching to finally beef. The hazing continues as we mostly just quote the ridiculousness on display in this masterpiece from the 5 Second Films crew. We've ruined your liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife!

Episode 174: Society (1989)

We've finally made it. We've joined the ranks of the upper crust... we've become a part of a great, undulating, gooey mass of flesh, body parts and hairballs. That's right, we wrangled the talented and busy Rebekah and David McKendry to talk about Brian Yuzna's incredible and gross 1989 send-up of conspicuous consumption SOCIETY! We put forward a modest proposal, if you will, of eating the poor to sustain ourselves at the top of the food chain. We also get some first-hand info on the McKendry's new Xmas horror anthology ALL THE CREATURES WERE STIRRING, out now on VOD. Crack open the KY, it's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 173: Destroyer (1988)

Everyone knows that the death penalty is far more expensive and arguably more inhumane than life imprisonment, even if their murder-boners try to say otherwise. For-profit prisons are an abomination, and your hosts are here to show you what happens in them with a documentary film from 1988 called DESTROYER! In this totally-real-not-fantasy film, a convicted murderer doesn't die by electric chair, but just gets really swole and sweaty. He also really likes eating human hair, so take that as you will. We've talked Shocker and The Horror Show, it's time for the third installment of our electricity killer series, let's get buzzed!

Episode 172: Scream 3 (2000)

Meta horror is a tightrope and sometimes even the greats lose their balance. When that happens, you get bloated 2 hour slashers featuring some of the most unlikable characters and worst bangs of the millennium like those on display in 2000's SCREAM 3. We are joined by Brett Simmons, the writer/director of 2018's incredible meta horror YOU MIGHT BE THE KILLER, which is great because we have a good film to contrast Scream 3 against. Antivax nut Jenny McCarthy isn't the only one getting eviscerated this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 171: House of 1,000 Corpses (2003)

You thought Halloween was over 2 weeks ago? WRONG. After much deliberation, Scott has decided to take one for the team and pick a Rob Zombie Halloween movie. No, not that one. Or that one. Or that one. Or...oh whatever, it's HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES from 2003! We're pissing everyone off with our annoying laugh and soliloquizing at cheerleaders about popular posts on /r/conspiracy so strap in for another dose of TCM2 fun even though we already discussed that movie.

Episode 170: S.I.C.K. (2003)

Your hosts on Horror Movie Night normally review charming trash cinema....but not this week. No, this week, Matt subjected his cohosts to some serious punishment. You may even call him sick for choosing this one: 2003's straight-to-video dog turd S.I.C.K. (Sadistic Insane Clown Killer), aka The Room of slasher flicks. Tone deaf performances, non-existent budget (and eyebrows), bad plot, worse twist, but in the end, this MAY be a bit of a party movie, as long as there is heavy drinking involved. Note: this show does not condone overindulgence in controlled substances, but they may be helpful when consuming S.I.C.K. Get ready for slowed-down nursery rhymes, they'll be the last thing you hear before a fat bastard joyfully knocks your block off here on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 169: Werewolf of Washington (1973)

It's time to do your civic duty and cast your ballot for a man who will keep his campaign promises, specifically if those include turning into a blood-thirsty lycanthrope and disemboweling crooked politicians. We dig deep into the vault for the 1973 horror comedy THE WEREWOLF OF WASHINGTON! Your hosts are joined this week by the illustrious Chris LaMartina, the mastermind behind one of our favorite recent flicks, the WNUF Halloween Special, and we get into some polite political discourse between riffing on the weird stuff that occurs in Werewolf of Washington (there's a lot). Scott also gets a little starstruck by Chris's film credits (heyyyy Call Girl of Cthulhu) - do you think the Pentagon is behind this??

Episode 168: Teen Witch (1989)

We made it through Rocktober and there's only one way to top that - the spiritual successor to Teen Wolf, 1989's charming TEEN WITCH! While not all of the hosts may have had fun watching this one, at least one of them found a wellspring of joy in the magical escapades of the bookworm-turned-babe Louise Miller as she gains the power to turn frogs into sex slaves for Zelda Rubinstein, send date rapists to the Negative Zone, and bum denim jackets off of pop singers. Did we mention the multiple spontaneous dance numbers? Well now you know, so sit back and practice your "school sucks" raps, because it's Halloween on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 167: Rock N Roll Nightmare (1987)

We knew there was one film and one film only that could take us through to the end of our month-long Rocktober binge and while it may be daunting, WE ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE. That's right, it's time to talk about the (in)famously nutty and absurd first film by the writer/director of Black Roses, Jon Fasano - 1987's Jon Mikl Thor vehicle ROCK N ROLL NIGHTMARE! There's hairspray for days, penis monsters left and right, bulging man muscles and every single woman was forced to get topless at least once during the course of the 83 min runtime. Plus some sweet, sweet hair metal and the ultimate battle between good and evil. This one must be seen to be believed, so go watch it and be changed forever, bub, and then join us for an all-out compliment fest for one of the greatest heavy metal horror masterpieces ever made!

Episode 166: Rocktober Blood (1984)

When you least expect it, HMN will attack, there'll be hell to pay, we're back! We return to our regularly-scheduled heavy metal horror with some REAL rock and roll gore and one of the scariest VHS covers baby Scott ever saw at the drug store rental section in the 80s, the ridiculous ROCKTOBER BLOOD from 1984 (but looks like it was filmed in 1980). Watch this killer tale of hilarious twin hijinks and laugh to such knee-slappers as a guy smoking meth and a 2-year-old corpse with a perfectly clean, bright red bandana. Oh and a sweet soundtrack by the relatively obscure metal band Sorcery. Up the irons!

Episode 165: Rockula (1990)

We interrupt this month of heavy metal horror for a week of lighter fare, and while the title of this one implies there's rock music involved, it's basically synth and early 90s white boy rap, so you can guess which host was adamant about us discussing it (if you guessed Matt, you're right; if you didn't, you're definitely not paying attention to our show). In any case, we are talking the ironically-named ROCKULA from 1990, featuring extensive scene-stealing by the woman who sang Mickey (Toni Basil) and the guy who sang She Blinded Me With Science (Thomas Dolby). It's worth a watch if for only for the amazing arena rock ballad midway through, so give this episode a listen - it's your destiny!

Episode 164: Black Roses (1988)

The time has come, my children. The sacred month of October is once again upon us, and the lure of heavy metal has taken over our teenage minds. We are enslaved by distortion, guyliner and falsetto vocals. We are... BLACK. ROSES. Coincidentally, that's also the name of the film we're discussing this week on HMN, and boy, what a way to kick off Heavy Metal Horror month! We will be discussing a different heavy metal horror movie each week in October, starting with this forgotten low-budget 1988 rockfest, in which the titular band invades a small town and turns the 30-somethings cast as high schoolers into various types of monsters. It's as goofy as it sounds, and there was enough hairspray used on set to pop a second hole in the ozone layer. This month is all about rockin' y'all.

Episode 163: Demonic Toys (1992)

Even short-time listeners of the show have probably guessed that HMN loves all things practical effects, especially murderous playthings. So it should come as no surprise that we tackled the awful/entertaining 1992 Full Moon direct-to-video release DEMONIC TOYS! Baby Oopsie Daisy tries desperately to suck the joy out of our rewatch of this classic b-horror with its terrible puns, but thankfully, we have Jack Attack and Grizzly Teddy to keep things going strong through the final act. It's anyone's guess what the writers were on while crafting this masterpiece, but this kind of genius most certainly requires an altered state to achieve such thought-provoking prose as a killer baby doll grumbling, "HI YA FAT FUCK!"

Episode 162: Xtro (1982)

We haven't tackled any sex-crazed aliens in a while (ahem, Lifeforce) and thought it was high time we make it weird around here with the very uncomfortable and trippy 1982 British alien/monster movie XTRO. As you well know, every child in a horror movie is an insufferable brat who will get at least 1 person killed, but what you might NOT know is that the bratty kid here also trips balls on alien hickey goo (thanks Dad), sees murderous midget clowns, and sends full-size army men to kill his downstairs neighbor. There's a lot more to unpack here, and we do our best to wash off the dirtiness we each felt after viewing. If you're coming over, don't forget the snake eggs, they're our favorite!

Episode 161: The Gravedancers (2006)

Sometimes we here at Horror Movie Night make mistakes - after all, we're only human. Sometimes, that mistake is getting wasted on cheap champagne and reciting cursing in a graveyard; other times, it's watching the 8 Films to Die For's 2006 flick The Gravedancers. While the movie itself is pretty stupid, there IS fun to be had watching it in a group (ostensibly) or at least giving it the HMN treatment with your boys Matt, Brian and Scott. PSA, there's a giant fricking skull that chases a Jeep in the last couple minutes... that's all you need to know about this one.

Episode 160: Tremors (1990)

This one was a long time coming, but we heard your footsteps on the sand and decided it was time to air out some Bacon. Kevin Bacon, that is; the dance-fighting cowboy heart-throb of the early 90s who then became the dong-flashing invisible rapist a mere decade later. This week, we are kicking off Listener Submitted Month with 1990s TREMORS. Thrill at this marvel of modern storytelling that seamlessly weaves DUNE and ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 into one very uneven monster flick. But seriously, the Graboids' PR guy should consider renaming them something a bit less Weinstein-y.

Episode 159: Patchwork (2015)

Some movies are good due to the sum of their parts, and this week's film knows how to stitch together something great and get it walking around, killing frat boys and engaging in necrophiliac laffs. We got a fresh one on the slab for you: 2015's delightful Patchwork! Tyler MacIntyre made a splash last year with Tragedy Girls, but his directorial debut two years earlier is equally as fun, touching and gruesome. On the surface, this may seem like a Frankenhooker/Bride of Reanimator pastiche, but stands on its own reattached legs and is a total blast. Kick back with your favorite green glowing beverage as we get to know the voices in our heads this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 158: The Horror Show (1989)

We talk semi-regularly about the diminishing returns of horror franchises, but rarely do we see one fall so far into nebulousness as the 1989 House "sequel," The Horror Show, starring Lance Henriksen! Lance is a hard-boiled cop dealing with PTSD after his partner dies while apprehending Meat Cleaver Max, so of course he spends his time choking his wife out and shooting his tv set. No one believes that his family is being haunted by Max's electrically-charged spirit, and we wonder multiple times if we're not just watching Shocker again. This is a real stinker (thanks Matt), but we make the most of it in typical HMN style, so bring your appetites for a random non-Thanksgiving turkey dinner with all the fixins, including a ghostly psychopath's terrible goatee. Yum!

Episode 157: The Plague (2006)

We don’t wanna wait for this movie to be over…but like the killer kids it features, it just won’t die. For Brian’s first pick, he chose the painfully boring James Van Der Beek Left Behind knockoff The Plague from 2006. Do you like Children of the Corn, Village of the Damned, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Romero zombie films, and religious Armageddon? This movie borrows heavily from all of them but not the good parts, and even the “living” characters are portrayed as zombies. Bottom line, this is a snoozer of a movie but Matt and Scott are wide awake and do their best to snap Brian out of his Dawson’s Creek fugue state. Let us touch your face and steal your soul this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 155: Basket Case 3 (1991)

We did it, we really did it. We can now say that HMN has covered the entire Basket Case series, so......yay? This week, we discuss Basket Case 3: The Progeny from 1991 thanks to Matt (and yes, the other 2 were picked by him as well) and it goes as well as a schoolbus full of singing freaks. Matt's just happy to be reunited with his little brother Brian, and Scott does his best Little Hal impression for 30 minutes, so you know you're in for a ride. Watch where you sit, those baby Belials are not full of strawberry jam!

Episode 154: Nightmare on Elm Street 3 - Dream Warriors (Live at Monster Mania 2018)

Matt and Scott were joined by Stephen of Analog Jones at Monster-Mania in NJ this spring and decided to make a "threevening" of it by discussing Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth and A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors! This is the second live episode recorded after Mania, and we can happily report that no one has their tendons ripped out to be used as marionette strings or gets called bitch by a TV. Join us for another live episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 153: Hellraiser III - Hell on Earth (Live at Monster Mania 2018)

In March, Matt and Scott teamed up with Stephen of Analog Jones to record some live episodes, and this week showcases the first of the "threevening" discussions, the inimitable Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth from 1992! It's got the coolest goth club the early 90s had to offer, Puzzle Box architecture and the worst (best?) Cenobite ever, CD Cenobite. It also features arguably the best Pinhead portrayal and soliloquies. Relive the weirdness of the lesser Hellraiser sequels this week on Horror Movie Night - live!

Episode 152: Silent Night Deadly Night Part 4 - Initiation (1990)

What's better than Christmas in July? A Brian Yuzna Christmas in July! At Scott's longtime insistence, the boys finally tackle 1990's barely-xmas-horror goop-fest Silent Night Deadly Night 4: Initiation. It's got everything you expect from a Yuzna flick - racial caricatures, bugs, nightmare logic, and of course the requisite swimming pool full of KY. Hey, it's even got our boy Clint Howard in it! There is absolutely no reason to sleep on this one, except for the fact that it's only available as a multipack DVD with SNDN3 (brain under a glass helmet Santa killer) and SNDN5 (rapey Pinocchio), so maybe go searching on Vimeo for it like we did. Don't forget to put out some milk and cookies for the giant cockroach!

Episode 151: Uncle Sam (1996)

It's America's birthday and you know what she hates more than anything? COMMIES. She needs a knight in shining red, white and blue armor (and totally not-creepy mask) to replenish the blood on the roots of the Tree of Liberty and who better suited for the job than an abusive rapist husband/brother/uncle-cum-undead soldier named Sam? We're celebrating our independence from sanity with 1996's Uncle Sam and just wow. The unspoken subplot of the film has to be that the main child actor is really a robot in synthetic human skin, that's the only reasonable explanation for his performance. You also get some interesting kills and the faintest hint of a critique of the military you'll see in a Fourth of July horror film, so it's definitely worth the price of admission. Nothing says AMERICA like corrupt politicians, Chinese fireworks and Horror Movie Night!

Episode 150: Gremlins 2 - The New Batch (1990)

Nyahnyahnyahnyah nyah nyah,nyahnyahnyahnyah nyah nyah, nyahnyah nyah nyahnyahnyahnyahnyah nyahhhhhh! It's episode 150 of Horror Movie Night and we decided to treat ourselves after midnight with a little film we like to call GREMLINS 2: THE NEW BATCH from 1990! We also were finally able to bring our Podfather Jonathon London, creator of Geekscape, along for the ride, and this was way better than our original request to do CHUD with him 3 years ago... We have a blast revisiting this beloved gem and questioning some of the movie logic on display, but does it really matter because VEGETABLE GREMLIN! Thanks for sticking with us and helping keep us crazy enough to watch 150 horror films and discuss them weekly over the last 3 years of the show. Here's to 150 more (and Gremlins 3, written by, directed by and starring Pizzaboy Jon London)!

Episode 149: Slash Dance (1989)

We may not all agree on wrestling and its entertainment value as an art form on this show, but we sure as hell agree that Netflix's GLOW was damn good television, and have been eagerly waiting for season 2 to drop. In preparation, Scott finally unleashed the most bloodless, tame pick ever on Matt and Brian, featuring some of the actual Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling in starring roles, 1989's Slashdance! While it's not a good film by any measure, and the weakest aerobics killer movie we've ever seen, there is a certain charm to it, and by its actresses' pedigree alone worth talking about. The budget didn't cover live goldfish, so there was likely no coke on hand for the writing, filming or editing of Slashdance, and what's left is a serviceable made-for-tv cop drama cut into 40 minutes of dance rehearsals. Let's get in shape and possibly choke someone with their own lasso while they sing You Are My Sunshine because really, these auditions ain't cuttin it for Horror Movie Night!

Episode 148: Idle Hands (1999)

If you haven't realized, we bleed nostalgia here on HMN, so it's frankly shocking that we have gone almost 3 years doing the show and have yet to formally discuss Devon Sawa's greatest role as drowsy doper Anton Tobias in the modern classic Idle Hands from 1999! Joining us this week is Andrew Verdecchio of the seminal Christian ska band Five Iron Frenzy (can we say seminal here? Sunday School seems so long ago). We hope you like the episodes where we just recite our favorite lines because...well, you'll understand soon enough. Grab the nutmeg and oregano, we're going to party with our Jessica Alba waifus this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 147: Uninvited (1988)

Continuing last week's spectacle of cat abuse, we're setting sail for parts unknown with a killer mutant tabby and there's nothing to eat except champagne and cereal... and rat poison. You might have guessed it, we're talking 1988's Uninvited and man, what a ride. We are joined again by our resident Film Freak, horror handyman Kyle Kuchta, as we wax poetic about animal shelters, Clu Gulager's fake teeth, how much cats hate wine, and why you should never pick up strays. How much would YOU debase yourself for a suitcase full of dirty money? This is the question that burns within our psyches daily, but can finally elaborate upon with each other, this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 146: Sleepwalkers (1992)

We start our Violence Against Cats marathon with arguably the most out-there movie Stephen King has ever gotten paid to put his name on (and act in) - 1992's feline vampire flick Sleepwalkers. We subjected our friend, previous guest and film freak Kyle Kuchta to this one, because that's the kind of frat we run here on HMN. Stephen King reprises his role as a drunk New England hick while 30 year old actors play high schoolers, one of which has a disturbingly graphic sexual relationship with his immortal mom, who is also a cat vamp. This one is a yarn ball of crazy and we're just batting it around like we're high AF on catnip. Join us for a purrrrfectly good time this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 145: Dracula 2000 (2000)

Somewhere in Hollywood 1999, a fat movie exec sits smoking a stogie in a darkened board room. "We need a monster movie but we're broke. Anyone know any companies willing to fund one?" A quivering hand raises slowly into the air; the nerdy intern clears his throat and croaks, "My dad runs Virgin Records. Want me to ask?" And that's how Dracula 2000 got made, an odd mashup of nu-metal, C-list 90s actors, vampire Mardi Gras, and a a slightly liberal interpretation of the Bible. This movie is a 90 minute advertisement for a dead music chain, but isn't really that bad of a watch, no matter how much Matt, Scott and Stephen (of the Analog Jones and the Temple of Film podcast) whine. We hope you have a thing for young Gerard Butler, because we sure do this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 144: Wrong Turn 6 (2014)

Some people are just careless with their money. Case in point, whoever funded the sixth (SIXTH!) installment in the Wrong Turn franchise, 2014's Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort. This movie is just gross, and not even in any sort of fun way, but the one shining spot is that Matt was able to successfully pawn it off to some sorry bastard at Monster-Mania like a cursed button that a crusty old Gypsy breathed on. Stephen Bay of Analog Jones joined us once again for this film, and then we all took bleach showers. Bring your siblings to this one, because, well, it's a pretty important plot point on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 143: Silver Bullet (1985)

We talk about nose candy and its role in 1980s cinema quite often on the show, but Gary Busey really takes the cake in 1985's ill-advised Stephen King adaptation Silver Bullet. He and his teeth are all over the place, swilling Wild Turkey, souping up Corey Haim's wheelchair, giving him fireworks, and banging rando broads in the pre-Tinder days. Oh, and there's a werewolf we guess. Recorded with our good friend Stephen at Monster-Mania 39. Get hairy and haggard like us (and Gary Busey) this week on a Horror Movie Night!

Episode 142: Chopping Mall (1986)

This week, we're talking about killer robots! No, sorry, we're not discussing Robocop 2. Or Terminator 2. Or Blade Runner. Or The Matrix. No, we're getting it on in the mall furniture store with Chopping Mall from 1986! Full disclosure, we're the ones awkwardly watching old Roger Corman flicks on the tv and clutching a pillow to our laps while our friends make weird squishy sounds. They deserve to get murdered by killbots, those dirty birdies. While not quite a lost episode, this is the second time Matt and Scott have discussed this film, and this round is arguably more coherent, so you're welcome? If you know what's good for you, you'll listen to Horror Movie Night. THANK YOU, HAVE A NICE DAY.

Episode 141: Troll (1986)

Little people getting work is very important to your hosts here on HMN, and this week, we celebrate their exploitation, er, triumphs with a magical discussion of the Charles Band classic TROLL from 1986! This oddly star-studded cast battles the forces of evil in the most charmingly childlike way and it's fantastic, so we spent the episode praising the Band family more or less. There's also a puppet singalong. Seriously. It's pretty awesome. Come hang out with our talking mushroom (no, not that one) on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 140: Demon Wind (1990)

The infamous LOST EPISODE is getting a second chance at life, and using it to spit oatmeal all over our blouses. That's right, we punished ourselves a second time with the ridiculous Evil Dead ripoff Demon Wind from 1990! Not since Marky Mark ran from a stiff breeze has nature been this stupefying (never mind that Demon Wind predates it by a couple decades, let us have our jokes). We are all dumber for having re-watched and re-discussed this one, but we do it for you, the listeners. Because we love you. There's also a heavy dose of self-loathing up in here, so don't mind the smell. SURPRISE!!!! It's Horror Movie Night!

Episode 138: Killer Party (1986)

You thought last week was our April Fools episode? SURPRISE! It's actually this week's (also Canadian) April Fools Evil Dead ripoff Killer Party from 1986. We got you good, right? Now listen to us quote this amazing and sadly forgotten 80s gem, and gush over how awesome the double fakeout opening scene featuring K-Mart Journey cover band White Sister is. Oh, there's also a haunted frat house, hazing, perms, off-brand Deadites and of course, a killer party. This is a film that must be seen to be truly appreciated, and it's our mission to spread the word about it henceforth. Plan out your best prank and grab the Aqua Net, it's time for another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 137: Slaughter High (1986)

Did you know that in Canada, they only celebrate April Fools Day for 12 hours? So if you can make it from midnight to noon without being pranked, you're safe. This is just ridiculous to us, but is a pretty important plot point in this week's episode, the myopic high school reunion bloodbath Slaughter High from 1986. In reality, though, this is the shortest stretch our suspensions of disbelief have to make while enjoying (?) this one, as no 20-something gets THIS jazzed about plain old beer, ok? It's gotta be like... super nanobrew artisan dry-hopped imperial IPA conditioned in magical oak casks from a druidic grove or some shit to keep us interested enough to stick around a run-down school full of acid baths and killer lawnmowers. So if you've got the hookup to that kind of beverage, be sure to bring some over and enjoy this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 136: Death Spa (1989)

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the gym... We're talking the OTHER killer calisthenics movie Death Spa (aka Witch Bitch) from 1989! While arguably less amazing than Killer Workout/Aerobicide, this is still a fun watch and definitely one of the craziest plots we've discussed yet on the show. I mean, if you have a problem with killer frozen fish and body-warping spiritual possession, you're seriously out of your element here. We hope you're ready to get your heart pumping and your toned, writhing body glistening with sweat as the music sweeps you away into a world of sensuous exercise... What, don't act like you're not imagining it too. Give in to the pull of 80s synth music and neon leotards, we're getting fit and fab this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 135: Bad Moon (1996)

The world needs more werewolf movies, and by the world, we mean Horror Movie Night, because god damn, do we love werewolves on this show! We've suffered through some of the best and worst lycanthropic films (looking at you, Howling 6), and decided to treat ourselves to an actual good b-movie for once, 1996's Bad Moon - which, thankfully/surprisingly does NOT feature that stupid ass Creedence song... This movie also stars a very G O O D B O Y E named Thor (the titular character from the source material), so you know we're into it. Tow your jenky trailer to our backyard and tie yourself to the nearest tree, it's time for another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 134: Seedpeople (1992)

Last week, we discussed dinos coming back from the dead, and to keep the theme going, we're going to move on to alien plants that will either cover you in sticky white stuff, or sticky yellow stuff, then transform you into plant monsters with no legs. It's been a while, but we're back on our Full Moon Pictures grind with 1992's Seedpeople and it's all Scott's fault! The pitch for this movie probably sounded a lot like this: "Invasion of the Body Snatchers is a good movie. Let's do that exact same concept but with a fraction of the budget, a horrendous script, and actors who can't act." And somehow it got greenlit... and that's why we love Full Moon. At least they can say that they didn't make the worst killer plant movie of all time, since that crown rests firmly on M. Night Shyamalan brow. Eat your veggies, or don't, because either way they're going to eat you on this episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 133: Carnosaur 2 (1995)

You know what's scary? Dinosaurs. Every boy fears dinosaurs and definitely doesn't consider them super interesting, so naturally the world needed a trilogy of dino-centric horror movies. No, we're not talking about Jurassic Park, we're talking about Carnosaur, and not just any Carnosaur, CARNOSAUR 2 from 1995 - now with smart dinos! The writers of this film had no idea how nukes work, but they also think that you can box a velociraptor so it kinda evens out. If you're into heroic electricians and references to tons of way better films, join us in Yucca Mountain Dino Growing Facility on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 132: X-Ray a.k.a. Hospital Massacre (1981)

Ah, Valentine's Day... The day you wait all year for to show your significant other you give a shit about them. Forget the other 364 days, you only have to do something nice this one time and then you can go back to be a slob for another year. Or you could kill your sweetheart's childhood crush, go to med school and become a doctor, then stalk her again as an adult with the intent of removing her heart for some odd reason. At least that's the killer's plan in the mediocre 1981 Barbi Benton vehicle X-Ray (aka Hospital Massacre). We're not sure of the details, but we think Barbi Benton wanted to try her hand at acting after her stint as a Playboy Bunny and girlfriend to Hugh Hefner (before he transformed into the Crypt Keeper), and Cannon Films was more than happy to oblige her. The ironic part is that Barbi is fully-clothed through the vast majority of this snoozefest, and spends her screen time scowling at literally everyone. Who did the wheezing killer better, X-Ray or Student Bodies? Find out this week on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 131: Hard Rock Zombies (1985)

Didn't we just cover Satanic Panic stuff last week?? Matt's short term memory is fried from all the bar water he's been chugging on tour, so he decided to inflict Hard Rock Zombies from 1985 upon us. If you've never seen this one, consider yourself lucky, as it features the softest hard rock band ever, fronted by a legitimate child predator with an awful mustache. There's also a geriatric Hitler, werewolf Eva Braun and their deformed midget offspring. Plus a hot blonde who likes to make stupid Beatles jokes as she lops off dudes' hands. There's a lot to unpack here, and we tried our best to not do Steve Perry impressions for 40 minutes this week. Join us for the loud rock show you never wanted to witness on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 130: The Gate (1987)

Do you love Heavy Metal? Do you have a battle vest with patches from all of your favorite bands? Are you 12 years old and headbang in your room to expensive imported vinyl? Then this film is just for you - 1987's fantastic Satanic Panic/kids-save-the-day-but-blow-their-house-sky-high mashup THE GATE! Mom and Dad are gone for the weekend and a giant sinkhole has been burping up geodes, moths and claymation monsters, but you know what we really need? To partaaaaaaaay! The hairspray leaves a haze in the air and your eyes sting from all of the neon colored clothing, but you still have to fight off body-melting parents, zombies in the walls, your possessed friend and sister, and a monster straight out of the Dungeons & Dragons Monster Manual. By the end of the weekend, you'll be much closer to your estranged sibling, so strap in for another banger on Horror Movie Night!

Episode 129: The Howling VI: The Freaks (1991)

The moon is full, the carnival's in town and the preacher's daughter is searching for a fuzzy sock - but wait! What's that? Werewolves just aren't cutting it on their own anymore...we need to add freaks to the mix! And how about a vampire too, why the hell not? In case this doesn't ring any bells, there are a TON of Howling movies in the franchise, and we're discussing Howling 6: The Freaks (1991) this week. We really love werewolves on this show, and because of this, we completely eviscerate this low-effort attempt at prolonging the life of an already mediocre franchise. Come check out this tent we pitched, it's got tons of gross stuff to look at inside, including but not limited to a geek, a bearded lady, and a guy with really bad eczema, so don't forget the skin cream for this episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 128: The Wraith (1986)

We try to stay up on all trends on this show, so this week we don some streetwear, stupid sunglasses and listen exclusively to Outrun music - HMN has gone full vaporwave aesthetic and we're talking the Charlie Sheen/Clint Howard Knightrider worship flick THE WRAITH (1986)! This movie is hot garbage, and has a serious cult following we just. don't. get. The car doesn't even look sweet! Or talk! But we can imagine the mountains of coke that brought this film to life, and we respect that. So take a bump on this back-desert road as we drag race through another episode of Horror Movie Night!

Episode 127: American Gothic (1987)

This week on Horror Movie Night we straight up beat the love of God into our guest co-host Kyle Kuchta while we discuss 1987's American Gothic. The film is ... shockingly damn good. You guys didn't make us suffer (yet) for the first listener submitted film of 2018. So join us in examining what can happen when you decide to take a 2nd honeymoon with your obnoxious friends to help your wife get over murdering your child. Spoiler Alert... it goes badly this week on HORROR MOVIE NIGHT!

Episode 126: The Guyver (1991)

As is tradition here at Horror Movie Night, we're kicking off the new year with a listener poll-chosen, somewhat-non-horror flick, and this time around, we're talking live-action anime rubber suit monster battles with 1991's The Guyver! Don't let the VHS box art fool you - Mark Hamill is NOT the titular character, or even on screen enough to warrant his face on the cover, but this was released at the cusp of the 90s, a time when everyone was trying to squeeze every last drop out of the withering Star Wars franchise. It's actually a selling point that Mark takes backseat to Screaming Mad George's rubber suit/practical effects obsession, and we get 6" kaiju duking it out with no energy weapons in sight (probably not enough budget for post work, oh well). It's 2018, let's get S U P E R K A W A I I together on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!