2026 Episodes
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Episode 555: Blade (1998)
We’ve been holding onto this one for a decade and finally decided to run a stake through the heart of our dreams of a new addition to the franchise, so it’s finally time to ice skate uphill with the baddest vampire hunter of all time, BLADE (1998)! Now, it might be the nostalgia talking, but this movie has aged like a fine, blood-red wine. Is it overly long? Yes! Is it a lot of martial arts fighting and gun violence? Also yes! Is the CGI kind of terrible? Ok we get it, it’s not winning any awards but dammit, it’s a fun ride. Get in the car, Traci Lords is taking us to the blood rave!
Episode 553: Dolly Dearest (1991)
You’re not gonna believe this, but we’re talking killer dolls this week and it’s not a Matt pick. After years of will-they-won’t-they, we are finally discussing DOLLY DEAREST (1991), brought to us all by Kyle of all people. It’s got a possessed doll, it’s got an ancient curse, it’s got bad acting, it’s got Rip Torn as an archeologist - some might say it’s a perfect movie for this show. Why we took over a decade to tackle it is anyone’s guess, but here we are and we may not make it out of this toy factory alive… Help!
Episode 552: The Sect (1991)
Do you think we’ve watched enough Argento this spring? If you said no, then you’re in luck, because we have another dose of Italian weirdness with 1991’s THE SECT (aka THE DEVIL’S DAUGHTER)! Co-written and produced by Dario Argento, this also taps another HMN favorite, Michele Saovi, as director - and as an added bonus, stars Kelly Curtis. If you knew that Jamie Lee had a sister who was also an actor, then you’re smarter than us. It’s a Satanic cult movie, you know we had a good time with this one. Ready to join up?
Episode 550: Suspiria (1977)
It’s our 550th episode, time to class up this joint a little with a genre favorite - Dario Argento’s SUSPIRIA (1977)! Who doesn’t love a little giallo action about ballerinas and witches, with a side of maggots and some barbed wire tumbling? The plot may be inscrutable at times, but what it lacks in logic it more than makes up for in style. Come on, let’s dance!
Episode 549: Crimson Peak (2015)
Based on its title, it may be inferred that CRIMSON PEAK (2015) is about vampires - the logic is sound, if somewhat flawed. This was Kyle’s logic when he chose it for us to discuss, as he had never seen it before, so he was quite perplexed when the bloodsucking never happened and ghosts are floating around instead. Can you imagine how sick this movie would be if it WAS about vampires, though?
Episode 548: Scream 4 (2011)
Nailing the coffin shut on Franchise February, we make our way back to a beloved series to see how it’s aged. The answer? Better than most of Sidney Prescott’s friends and family but honestly, that’s not too hard because most of them end up skewered. SCREAM 4 (2011) was such a step up from its predecessor that some of us may have been blind to its missteps but it’s still got some charm to it. It’s the internet age, baby, we all gotta get famous somehow!
Episode 547: Texas Chainsaw 3D (2012)
We are just slicing right through Franchise February and have found ourselves in the armpit of Texas as we inherit our grandmother’s mansion. Too bad we didn’t read the letter she left for us, because if he had, we would’ve spared everyone from TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D (2013). Too late now - Leatherface is on the loose in the Halloween carnival and the town is kind of taking it in strides, really. Probably not a conspiracy between the mayor and police, right? Thankfully blood is thicker than water so we can enjoy Alexandra Daddario saying, “Do your thing, cuz!”
Episode 546: Friday the 13th (2009)
A Friday the 13th during Franchise February? You know we had to go back 17 years to the day for a rewatch of FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009). It’s not a particularly good movie, but as Matt points out, it might be the best F13 sequel we got post-JASON LIVES, but that’s a pretty low bar to begin with. Who cares, Jason the Survivalist is out there!
Episode 545: Hellraiser (1987)
It’s cold and snowy out, why not stay in and work on a puzzle? There’s this weird box we can’t seem to get open and it’s tearing us apart to find out what’s inside… Welcome to Franchise February, which we’re kicking off with an all-time favorite that we somehow never discussed until now - the original HELLRAISER (1987)! It’s incredible to think that we did almost every other entry in the series before the movie that kicked it off, but that might be because it’s pretty perfect and the sequels are a bit hit-or-miss. We wasted all our good suffering on those movies so we could enjoy this one together!
Episode 544: Riki-O The Story of Ricky (1991)
Matt takes us off the beaten path once again with the splatter-packed kung fu film Riki-O the Story of Ricky! This outrageous film from 1991 plays out like if Peter Jackson made a micro-budget karate movie. Crushed heads, empty eyeball sockets and reassembling muscles is just part of the pure chaos found in this bizarre film!
Episode 543: Decoys (2004)
There’s nothing quite like an early 2000s hot-alien-girls-at-college movie during a massive snowstorm, and that’s exactly what your boys here at HMN have on the syllabus for you this week. When you consider the fact that DECOYS (2004) is set in January in Canada, the absence of nude alien women makes a lot more sense, but tell that to the guys renting this one from Blockbuster back in the day. What it lacks in skin it makes up for in millenial humor, so we can’t be too upset about the watch…right?
Episode 542: Mirror Mirror II: Raven Dance (1994)
We had so much fun last year with its predecessor, we decided to get right to killer mirror sequel no one asked for early on in 2026. MIRROR MIRROR 2: RAVEN DANCE (1994) isn’t a good movie, but it definitely has its moments, from the on-screen antics of Roddy McDowell and William Sanderson, to some delightfully silly murders and fatal accidents. Oh, and we have to mention that this was Mark Ruffalo’s film debut! So basically it’s got everything. Take a look with us, why don’t you?
Episode 541: Anaconda (1997)
If you’re even a casual listener, you probably already know the drill: giant killer animal on the loose? It’s a Matt pick. For our first host-chosen movie of the year, we’re lazy rivering down the Amazon with a psychotic Jon Voight doing the worst damn accent you’ve ever heard. It’s ANACONDA (1997) time, baby! There’s also JLo, Ice Cube and Eric Stoltz, but this is really about the love between a crazy white guy and a very hungry 40 foot snake. Don’t yuck his yum, he’s just a dirty old weirdo who wants to get eaten.
Episode 540: The Mask (1994)
Our annual Black Friday poll was as unhinged as usual, with the clear winner being 1994’s THE MASK. It’s always shocking to remember that this was Jim Carrey’s breakout role and Cameron Diaz’s first acting role. These factoids are mainly drowned out by the unforgettable swing revival soundtrack (wall to wall bangers, btw) and the dozens and dozens of quotes we all beat to death in junior high after watching this. Don’t worry, though, we actually go the entire episode not doing any Stanley Ipkiss impressions. Is this personal growth? We’d like to think so!
It’s the late 80s and Robert frickin' Englund is coming out with his directorial debut, there’s definitely no way this movie can be boring, right? Well… may we point out the slog that is 976-EVIL (1988)? While there are some fun scenes to be had, the movie is kind of a bland retread of EVILSPEAK but with the computer swapped for a demonic phone service, and no badass sword. You do still get some fun quips with your evisceration though, so it’s not a total wash!