2017 Episodes
Episode 124: Black X-Mas (2006)
As a child, did you ever grab a present from under the tree on Christmas morning, shake it and think, "oh sweet, the Ninja Turtles skateboard I wanted!" only the unwrap it and find yourself staring at a year's worth of socks? We imagine that's how you're feeling as you realize we're talking the Black Christmas remake from 2006 and not the original from 1974. Hashtag sorrynotsorry bitches, because this version, also known as Black Xmas, is unfairly hated, and is actually a pretty solid mid-2000s slasher. Its creators really wanted to see how many attractive 25 year olds they could cast as sorority sisters and how much eye trauma they could cram into 90 minutes. The answer to both questions is (thankfully) A LOT. Spike the eggnog and roast those human skin gingerbread cookies extra crispy, then cozy up with us next to your favorite disembodied Midwest podcast voices on this Christmas episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 123: Miss December (2011)
If you ever felt that Horror Movie Night wasn't Philly enough, we've decided to bring you some hard-hitting holiday horror from the cradle of the US government, and boy is it an experience! After years of coaxing, Matt has finally allowed a discussion dedicated to Miss December (aka Calendar Girl) from 2011, and it went better than expected; he's friends with the producer and didn't want to hurt his feelings if our discussion went south... Lucky for all involved, this relatively unknown killer Christmas flick is a blast to watch and discuss, and you need to watch it on Amazon Prime instead of (or in addition to) Elves. Hope you're as into unbearable goth manic pixie dream girls as we are, cuz they're crashing the party and already drunk on this week's Horror Movie Night!
Episode 122: Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988)
In our ongoing series "Films That Really Shouldn't Have Had Sequels," we head to the graveyard with a cast of very familiar faces saying very familiar lines which were definitely funnier the first time around. That's right, we're talking Return of the Living Dead Part II from 1988! If you're looking for the charm and entertainment value of the original ROTLD, you won't find it here, only the mouldering corpse of it, stammering out terrible lines in weird souther aw-heck accents for no apparent reason. We're all the worse for having suffered through this one, so share our pain (the pain of being dead!) on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 121: Puppet Master II (1990)
It's truly amazing that, for how much we bring up Chuckie Band and the Puppet Master series, we have never done an actual HMN episode on any of them... But that changes today. Today, we give up our brain matter to the godking Toulon. Today, we let Pinhead's little hands squeeze the life from our throats. Today, we discuss Puppet Master II: His Unholy Creations from 1990! There are improbable puppet murders left and right, as well as some pretty satisfying child bbq if we're being honest with ourselves. Whistle the Puppet Master theme song with us as we bask in the glory on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 120: Killer Workout (1987)
It's the day after Thanksgiving and everyone is feeling fat and terrible from all of yesterday's overindulgence, so fire up the boombox, pull on your loudest spandex onesie and let's sweat the evil out with 1987's Killer Workout (aka Aerobicide)! Scott counts the gratuitous dance sequences (with time stamps, you're welcome), Matt feels the burn, and Adam picks the most ridiculous slasher weapon ever. It's a wonder there was any coke left on Earth after the filming of Killer Workout, and if you haven't watched this one yet, you'll understand soon enough. Build your own dadbod with us this week on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 119: Pet Semetery Two (1992)
Travel back in time with us, dear listener, as we return to the glory of the early 90s, when bowl haircuts were cool, acid wash was a new technology, and Edward Furlong's career was blossoming. You may be disappointed to hear that, no, we're not discussing Terminator 2, but rather the sequel no one wanted, 1992's Pet Sematary 2! Our resident Irishman picks the only horror movie to ever prominently feature death by potatoes, so some jokes really just write themselves. Come with us as we venture up to the old Indian burial grounds with the corpse of Stephen King's pride on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 118: The Incredible Melting Man (1977)
What's worse than watching Body Melt and Street Trash for your podcast? One might think "watching another melt movie" is the answer, but it's actually "watching another melt movie twice in one week because you didn't realize it was going to be picked for the podcast and you already watched it after watching Street Trash," which is just what Scott did with this week's pick - 1977's notoriously goofy The Incredible Melting Man! The plot is murkier than all the vanilla pudding used to make the effects in this film, but the guys muddle through as always. Come see the rings of Saturn with us and maybe we'll even catch a glimpse of Uranus while we're at it on another episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 117: Prince of Darkness (1987)
Adam is MIA so Scott and Matt are forced to tackle John Carpenter's end of the world obsession on our own. We discuss 1987's Prince of Darkness until one of us ends up trapped in a mirror world with Alice Cooper and the Devil. You can only know which one of us gets sacrificed by listening to this week's Horror Movie Night
Episode 116: Little Monsters (1989)
Life was simpler in the 80s; kids only wanted to dress up as one of 3 things for Halloween: a witch, a skeleton, or a jack-o-lantern. Men were men, drinking from flasks while doing doctor things, or while driving, or while seducing the daughters of dead guys they're investigating, or while Irish warlocks with British accents use Stonehenge dust to turn every costume into a murder death ray party in order to sacrifice America's children to the old gods. Or whatever. You get the idea, we're talking 1983's Halloween III: Season of the Witch for week 3 of our month-long Halloween celebration! There's no Michael Myers to stalk us, but thankfully Tom Adkins steps in to fill the creepiness factor with his thirst for liquor and vulnerable young women. Join us as we incessantly mumble the Silver Shamrock song until mid-November because dammit that song is like brain herpes.
Episode 115: Halloween 3 - Season of the Witch (1982)
Life was simpler in the 80s; kids only wanted to dress up as one of 3 things for Halloween: a witch, a skeleton, or a jack-o-lantern. Men were men, drinking from flasks while doing doctor things, or while driving, or while seducing the daughters of dead guys they're investigating, or while Irish warlocks with British accents use Stonehenge dust to turn every costume into a murder death ray party in order to sacrifice America's children to the old gods. Or whatever. You get the idea, we're talking 1983's Halloween III: Season of the Witch for week 3 of our month-long Halloween celebration! There's no Michael Myers to stalk us, but thankfully Tom Adkins steps in to fill the creepiness factor with his thirst for liquor and vulnerable young women. Join us as we incessantly mumble the Silver Shamrock song until mid-November because dammit that song is like brain herpes.
Episode 114: Tales from the Crypt - Bordello of Blood (1996)
Episode 113: Scarecrows (1988)
Episode 111: Detention (2011)
Episode 112: Street Trash (1987)
Episode 110: The Granny (1995)
Episode 109: Shocker (1988)
Episode 108: Arcade (1993)
Episode 107: The Outing (1987)
When you think horror, do you think Robin Williams in Aladdin? If so, you're in for a treat, because we're talking killer genies with 1987's The Outing! The Wishmaster he's not, but this genie has some serious power creep going on, yet chooses the laziest, most bizarre ways to kill whomever he comes across. This is the most menacing antique lamp you've ever seen, and you'll rethink your next trip to the history museum after watching it, so strap in as we grant your deepest, darkest desires in the most idiotic ways possible on this episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 106: Basket Case 2 (1990)
It's Matt's pick this week, and he has a long history of making the guys watch and discuss freak movies, so he went with one of his favorites, the 1990 Frank Henenlotter classic (?) Basket Case 2! We're all attached at the hip with our rollercoaster of emotions for this film, and do our best to sew ourselves together long enough to break down the intricate social commentary of this piece of cinema, as well as shower compliments on its SFX team for all the delightfully weird busts they made here. If you've ever wondered how freaks have a picnic, well you're in luck, because it's shown for about 5 minutes in this week's episode of Horror Movie Night.
Episode 105: The Beast Within (1982)
We here at Horror Movie Night love werewolf movies, and talk about our love of werewolf movies often. So of course one of us had to pick the werecicada masterpiece that is 1982's The Beast Within! We are immediately greeted with really gross, really explicit r-stuff, then a lot of talking and pointless exposition, some weird murders off-camera, more exposition, more bad acting (though the cast is giving 110% onscreen), crazy teen-to-bug transformation, more murders, more exposition, oh and then one last bit of r-stuff to top this insane sundae off just right. No one was really happy to watch this one, but at least we could commiserate on how it made us all feel (dirty and confused). So if you want to feel like we did and/or relive what your bodies went through during puberty, strap in for this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 104: Stung (2015)
Longtime listeners know, there's one thing that always makes the hosts of Horror Movie Night happy - monster bug guts! What did you think we were going to say, you perverts? This week, Adam is called away on serious business (probably making maple syrup, eh?) so Matt and Scott go into anaphylactic shock over 2015's mutant wasp (NOT BEES) movie Stung. With no angry Canadian to keep them on topic, they spend a third of the episode talking about other mutant insects and how much better the powers they imbue their heroes with... Anything to avoid the implications of the larvae scene in this movie. Light a citronella candle and get out the Off spray, unless you want to have a giant sky demon burst forth from your mangled carcass, but hey we're not judging you here on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 103: Tromeo & Juliet (1996)
Signal boost to every dude in love with his sister from another mister, the 420 Boyz are talking about one of your favorite flicks this week, the grossest Shakespeare(ish) movie ever, 1996's Tromeo and Juliet from the one and only Troma Entertainment. Matt thought he could strike gold twice with this pick, but it falls somewhere between Adam picking a movie about baby-stealing killer trees and Matt picking, well, most anything... If you've seen any Troma, you kind of know what to expect, but that doesn't mean you have to silently accept it. Grab your raisin loaf and maybe some Dramamine for this incesty romp (featuring Lemmy!) on this episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 102: Hollow Man (2000)
Sometimes you cheer for the amazing work done by graphic artists in the movies you watch, and sometimes you sit in disbelief realizing that a team of people got paid to mocap Kevin Bacon's dong for an Invisible Man movie. If that doesn't paint the picture, we're discussing 2000's pointless CGI fest, Hollow Man, and boy did we not have fun. This super rapey take on the classic mad scientist story has a bunch of supposedly smart people acting like idiots, talking like Dawson's Creek characters, and screwing or bludgeoning anything with a heartbeat. Strap in and bite down on this, cuz frankly you can see right though us on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night.
Episode 101: I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)
Maybe it's because we're 3 clueless dudes, but does covering up a murder lead to you not washing your hair for a year but still being totally cool with wearing crop tops and belly shirts? We don't know, but these are the hard-hitting questions we aggressively drive towards in this week's discussion of 1997's beautiful-people-screaming-at-nothing-and-quipping-like-it's-a-romcom Kevin Williamson slasher I Know What You Did Last Summer! The best part about this movie is that no matter how many times you watch it, the plot points and character motivations are so inscrutable and inane that your brain doesn't retain much of anything, so the killer's third act reveal is always fresh. Plus everyone is super attractive (except for the actual killer...OR IS IT). Grab your galoshes cuz this flick's slicker than a bucket of lukewarm chum and we're going to chug it on this week's Horror Movie Night!
Episode 99: Sleepaway Camp 2 (1988)
It's episode 99 so it should surprise no one that we went with Sleepaway Camp 2, the delightful sequel to episode 50's Sleepaway Camp - now with 100% less baseball montages! SAC2 is arguably less transphobic, less homophobic, and definitely way more boob-filled than its predecessor, but one thing remains the same...Kids these days are only trying to get someone to touch them where they pee. For this sin, all must die. Join us as we decide which grossly inventive kill is the best and wonder how every camper appears to be 25 on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 98: The Video Dead (1987)
Do you like zombie movies? Really? In 2017? Well, OK, but even you will probably be unable to find much of value in this week's pick, the head shakingly odd direct-to-video messtorpiece The Video Dead from 1987. The guys do their best to explain the plot of a relatively plotless film, and ask questions like, "Why don't the zombies actually eat anyone?" and "Are any of these people actors?" Get the dry ice and your grandparents' vacuum tube TV set, because the HMN boys are going to reenact the one good scene from this film on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 97: American Werewolf in Paris (1997)
The late 90s were a simpler time for Americans; we were cool with most of the world and could spend entire summers backpacking across Europe trying to do EXTREEEEEME stunts with our douchey friends and chase foreign tail without fear of incriminating photos being posted on social media. Plus, you could dress like a homeless person and still have a chance at getting laid (thanks Seattle). Yes, the 90s were pretty swell, unless you're Tom Everett Scott in 1997's An American Werewolf in Paris. Or really most of the movies he starred in during this time period. But he did get to make out with Julie Delpy and Liv Tyler, so he had that going for him. In any case, we tackle another questionable werewolf flick this week and spent more time discussing its soundtrack and quoting Dead Man on Campus than anything else, but longtime listeners will be completely unsurprised by this. Check your bungie apparatus, because it's time to get Eiffel Towered on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 96: Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf (1985)
We joke a lot about coke-fueled 80s cinema, but we may have finally found the ultimate example of what a drug fever dream could lead to - 1985's insane lycanthrope 'n little people extravaganza, Howling 2: Your Sister Is A Werewolf! Between the shots of Christopher Lee smirking in a pair of awkward new wave sunglasses, on-top-of-the-clothes love scenes while the whole town smells sex in the air like creeps, werewolf threesomes, threats of forced werewolf oral and possibly pervy gargoyle staffs, Stiran struts around in as little pleather as humanly possible in what looks like reused heavy metal video shoots. This just scratches the surface of the depths this film sinks to, in the most ridiculous ways possible. We hope you like Devo, because the house band sure seems to on this episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 95: The Invisible Maniac (1990)
Some days, life really gets you down. No one believes you're a scientific genius, your coworkers laugh at you, you're chased by the friendliest wild dog ever... All because your mom caught you using your telescope to watching the neighbor girl strip down erotically to 50s music when you were a child. What's a guy to do?! Maybe inject himself with invisibility serum and molest his way through the remedial physics class at the local high school? Yeah, that sounds like a plan! If you haven't guessed, we watched 1990's The Invisible Maniac, and IT. WAS. AMAZING. If you're not hyped for this episode, there's no saving you, so you might as well choke on this subway sandwich here, cuz that's how we roll (while invisible) on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 94: Return of the Living Dead Part 3 (1993)
We here at Horror Movie Night understand that our listeners are a diverse group, so what's a little innocent neceophilia between friends? In honor of you delightful deviants, we're talking about arguably the sexiest zombie flick ever - or at least from the 90s - Return of the Living Dead III from 1993! This pick harkens back to our recent commentary track for Bride of Re-Animator, as director Brian Yuzna wanted more screen time for the Bride and wrote this as a sort of spiritual successor. Thanks, Mr. Yuzna, we love ya! Hope you're hungry again, because racist stereotypes and DIY body mods are on the menu for this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 93: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) - Live at Brickwall Tavern
As you may have gathered from our Jason Takes Manhattan episode, we did a live taping recently after Monster Mania 36; in the likelihood that you, dear listeners, weren't able to make it to the live show, we were thoughtful/sadistic enough to tape the show, and this week's episode is the second half of our set, in which we lovingly eviscerate 1991's ironically-named "final" installment in the NOES franchise, Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare! The hits come faster and harder than Breckin Meyer doing bong rips, so get yourself a drink and fire up your Powerglove for another episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 92: Stay Alive (2006)
Whoever said that gamer nerds would never live through a horror movie? We're not sure either, but they were pretty spot with their predictions. This week, we are joined by the incredibly knowledgeable Liz Finnegan of The Escapist to discuss Frankie Muniz's agent's terrible decision-making skills and the unbelievable game mechanics In the 2005 video game ghost killer flick Stay Alive. Liz and Adam chew the pixelated fat over horror games while Matt and Scott try to keep up and not sound dumb. It's time for a good old fashioned LAN party, so bring the Doritos and Mountain Dew for this week's episode of Horror Movie Night! Oh, and the virgin blood for the ghost of Madam Bathory, how could we forget?
Episode 91: The Blob (1988)
It's Friday night, you're a high school football star, and you have a hot date with the pretty-but-takes-no-shit head cheerleader - what do you do?? Probably get eaten within the first 15 minutes by a mutated bacteria that was shot into space and has now crash-landed and gruesomely begun dissolving your friends one by one, that's what... If you haven't guessed, this week's film is none other than the fantastic 1988 remake of The Blob!
Episode 90: Critters 2 (1988)
We here at Horror Movie Night believe in the sanctity of religion, so on this extra special Easter episode, we want to discuss the holy cycle of death and rebirth by watching a guy in a bunny suit get eaten crotch-first by monster hedgehogs and then crash through a church's stained glass window as parishioners in their Easter best scream in terror. That's right, we're talking about Critters 2 from 1988!
Episode 89: Friday the 13th Part 8 - Jason Takes Manhattan (1989) Live at Brickwall Tavern
If there's one thing the world of horror needs, it's a movie where an undead killer stalks teenagers on a boat that can teleport from a closed lake to the open ocean. Really, there MUST be a market for that, right? To the people clambering for such a film, we bestow upon you this live discussion of Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), taped at the Brickwall Tavern in Burlington, New Jersey - that's close enough to NYC, right?
Episode 88: The Curse 2 - The Bite (1986)
You ever watch a movie where someone's hand is mutating into a crazy snake monster and just think to yourself, "dude shouldn't have jacked it so much..."? No? Well this week you may find yourself thinking just that as we wrap ourselves around the sequel-in-name-only Curse 2: The Bite (1989). Screaming Mad George isn't a guest on this episode, but Matt does his best impression of him and if you close your eyes and dip your hand in a bowl of room-temperature KY, it feels like he's really there! Bring your weird Amish accent and terrible singing voice, we'll be downing all the fly-beers we can stomach on this week's Horror Movie Night!
Episode 87: Ice Cream Man (1995)
Lactose intolerant listeners, beware: this movie stinks more then your bedroom at night after drinking a whole milkshake... It's been far too long since our favorite weirdo has graced us with his onscreen presence, so we struggled through Clint Howard's "acting" in 1995's The Ice Cream Man. There's implied cannibalism, malpractice lawsuits everywhere, oh and Cool Chris from Punchline quoting the douchey older brother's best lines! Seriously, Chris Fafalios is our guest, and we're on our best behavior. Kinda. Get your oral fixation under control with a push pop or rocket pop and settle in for another creamy episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 86: Rawhead Rex (1986)
This St. Paddy's, we're taking a trip to the Emerald Isle to do battle with a pagan wrestling god in the form of a walking dick joke in Clive Barker's second attempt at not getting screwed by a studio - 1986's RAWHEAD REX! The plot is incoherent, the acting abysmal, and the rubber suited monster incredibly ineffectual, but that's all right, because we have a screaming, insane priest chewing every goddamn scene and we're going to take full advantage of the situation. Get ready for your 98 degree baptism, because we drank all the communal wine on this week's episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 85: The Lawnmower Man (1992)
This week continues our streak of godawful early 90s sci-fi/horror as we dive brainfirst into a new technology called VIRTUAL REALITY and immediately get to cybering with any warm body nearby. That's right, we're discussing 1992's not-a-Stephen-King-adaption-even-if-the-posters-say-it-is The Lawnmower Man, and we have help from our new buddy, Jesse Cornett! Jesse, or as we like to call him, The Golden Voice, is an established podcaster himself and decided to slumbit with us for 45 minutes as we barely discuss the incomprehensible garbage that constituted a Stephen King adaption in the early 90s on this week's installment of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 84: Project Metalbeast (1995)
Get this... *sniiiiiff* ok, a werewolf, right? With skin as strong as steel! A literal metal beast! Everyone in agreement? Great, let me call my dealer, we're going up need more snow than Aspen to film this... Is probably how storyboarding went for this week's movie, 1995's Project: Metalbeast on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 83: The Frighteners (1996)
It's been far too long since the 420 Boyz discussed ghost sex, so they went ahead and dove soul-first into 1996's supremely entertaining Peter Jackson outing The Frighteners! When your film stars the Re-Animator, Marty McFly, Gomez Addams, ET's mom and Jake Busey's teeth, and is the reason the LOTR movies get made, you know it's going to be a good time. We promise not to carve 69 into your forehead as long as you join us for another episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 82: The Stuff (1985)
Pull up a chair and sit down for a wholesome meal of lukewarm marshmallow fluff with a side of conspicuous consumption, because this week, the HMN boys are devouring 1985's deliciously dumb The Stuff! Between mouthfuls of questionably-sourced goo, the guys get stuck on kids ruining supermarkets, corporate greed, and Michael Moriarty's Southern drawl. Kill all the bad things inside you with another episode of Horror Movie Night!
Episode 81: Body Melt (1993)
Listeners, welcome to a new world - one where exposure to too many horror podcasts leads to a skinny little wiener popping out of your foreheads and everyone getting drenched in authentic KY Jelly(tm). There's also some odd sexual side effects, but hey, you're getting some, so don't complain. This week's pick is the delightfully gooey and weird From Beyond (1986), starring Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton, and Bubba the Ex-Football Player. If this intro doesn't get you primed for action, then we don't know what will... Hope you don't mind some light bondage, and oh, the safe word is Horror Movie Night!
Episode 80: Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)
Release the person faced hounds and pull your Probe board game out of your closet because this week the trio is talking about one of the most infamously homoerotic horror films of all time... "Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge". We break down the subtler moments of S&M bar crashing, Mark Patton's dreamy eyes and the true story of the man inside. Join us won't you for Horror Movie Night!
Episode 79: Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)
It's good to know that after the bombs fall and half of the world is mutated into weird, pervy amphibians, we'll have someone like Rowdy Roddy Piper to repopulate the planet with his incredible sperm - or at least, that's the way things go in this week's pick, 1988's post-apocalyptic, post-consent fever dream Hell Comes to Frogtown. Here's a question for you listeners, why would frog-people have an entire city in the middle of the desert? We have more questions, but few answers, so come share our bewilderment this week on Horror Movie Night!
Episode 78: From Beyond (1986)
Listeners, welcome to a new world - one where exposure to too many horror podcasts leads to a skinny little wiener popping out of your foreheads and everyone getting drenched in authentic KY Jelly(tm). There's also some odd sexual side effects, but hey, you're getting some, so don't complain. This week's pick is the delightfully gooey and weird From Beyond (1986), starring Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton, and Bubba the Ex-Football Player. If this intro doesn't get you primed for action, then we don't know what will... Hope you don't mind some light bondage, and oh, the safe word is Horror Movie Night!
Episode 77: The Deadly Spawn (1983)
If the creeping dread of another Cold War hasn't quite hit you yet, the HMN boys will get you there with 1983's low budget, killer-alien-in-a-meteorite The Deadly Spawn! This homage (well, more pastiche, really) to the alien monster heyday of the 1950s spent all of its money on creature effects (which are awesome, despite what Adam may think) and then hired people off the street to get eaten by weird hungry tadpoles. Don't go in your swampy, disgusting basement, cuz it's Horror Movie Night, comrade!
There are so few New Years horror movies that you really only have a handful of options, so this year we went with the one that arguably had the best cover art, 1987's bizarre Bloody New Year! If you ever wondered what a full length Twilight Zone movie with the budget of a single episode and a disco ball full of high-grade coke would look like, then look no further. This film has a science experiment gone awry, 50s time warp (replete with sexy stockings...what? Don't look at me like that) and more loose ends than an old rug. So basically, perfect fodder for our show. Get your seams straight and join the part for the last Horror Movie Night episode of 2017!